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Just keeping this up here for now. This morning I met with a counselor in the SP who extended the call to be 1st counselor in the new EQP. The former EQP was retained (I like him despite his orthodoxy) and I don’t know who the 2nd counselor would be (but I do know he hadn’t been talked to yet). I’ve had the inkling for awhile that I’d be moving on soon, and somewhat expected it at SC last month but it didn’t happen then. Thing is, even with the recognition it might be time to move on, my support for ministering, and mild enthusiasm for restructuring of the MP, I think I’m not going to accept. I did tell the SPC that I had a concern that I did not have ample time for this position and would be a “Sunday only” counselor and that didn’t faze him despite telling me earlier they wanted strong presidencies. But I don’t think I am exaggerating there. I get up at 4:45 and I’m out the door a half hour later. On a good day when I don’t have to stop for gas or anything else I can be back at my front door at 5:30 – but that’s not every day. By the time dinner is done (which I usually prepare because DW is not home yet), my evening chores are done, and I have packed lunch and laid out my clothes for the following day it’s time to sit down and watch Jeopardy. Some days I can do other small tasks at home, some days I can only veg in front of the TV, and some days I fall asleep during Jeopardy or shortly after, wake up a couple hours later and go to bed. I try to be in bed by 9, although between 9:30 and 10 is more of the reality. I do have a dogged determination to have some time to spend with my wife. Saturdays are mine, plain and simple – it’s the only day I can do stuff I need to do at home or do something I enjoy without falling asleep or being grumpy. I’m fine if I’m still released from HC, I’m not the kind of guy who needs a calling because supposedly everybody needs a calling and I’m not the kind of guy who accepts callings without the intention of doing my best. I recognize my best in this case might be Sunday only, but I also recognize that Sundays are only a small part of this calling and I’d really not be doing it or the other two people in the presidency justice. And obviously I’m not the kind of guy who says yes because someone else “feels good about it” (I have no “spiritual” feeling about it). I know it’s my decision and it is on my mind, but any thoughts would be appreciated. (I didn’t say when I’d get back to them, but it was clear the SP wanted to do the business tomorrow – if he’s waiting for me that ain’t gonna happen.)
That’s a tough spot to be in. The calling is a calling, like background radiation. I’m referring to life in general. That’s a tough schedule. That and I think the counselors for the EQP jobs just got a little tougher in the average ward. Now there’s a larger group and I’m sure the counselors will be expected to carry out the ministering companionship interviews. IIRC they did away with PPIs but now I guess they are back, and more frequent than they were before… or maybe it’s more informal, who knows?
DarkJedi wrote:
I’m not the kind of guy who needs a calling because supposedly everybody needs a calling and I’m not the kind of guy who accepts callings without the intention of doing my best.Same here.
Good luck with it all. I hope you can find balance.
Thanks Nibbler. I agree with you that the EQP jobs got busier. From my experience with my SP he will expect formal interviews at least quarterly and it only makes sense that load is shared. Add to that quorums just got much bigger in many cases (from an active member standpoint ours more than doubled in size), meaning there are at least that many more families to look after – work that used to be divided among 6 men instead of 3. And don’t forget family history – a stake focus this year – which now falls to the EQP. Those dead. They just refuse to bury themselves. nibbler wrote:
Those dead. They just refuse to bury themselves.
I’m not so sure that’s true, but I’m not a huge fan of FH anyway and I don’t believe it is part of the core of the gospel but understand why some do believe it is (Saviors on Mount Zion and all). Besides, I want to save some so I have something to do for that thousand years with no Netflix.
I’ve got on my soapbox before. For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.
Some people are coo coo bananas over genealogy. Let them be the genealogy doers among us. Let the eyes be the eyes and the ears the ears.
We recently had that lesson where everyone has to do genealogy, here’s a goal to create a login with family search, prove you can log in to the ward family historians – they’ll badger, and submit at least one name to the temple by the end of the month. The ears need to be the eyes too.
But if I’m not particularly passionate about genealogy I let it go in one ear and out the other, count another 45 minutes of life down, and who knows, maybe I’ll be coo coo bananas for genealogy when the topic rolls back around in 5 weeks.
Are all apostles? are all prophets? are all teachers? are all coo coo bananas for genealogy? On the days they teach the genealogy lesson… yeah.
No advice from me except to do what you feel you need to do. It would be cool to have a heterodox member of the EQP, but your actual situation has to be the primary focus. If you decide to accept it, be crystal clear about your time constraints – then be yourself. Perhaps even tell them that you are accepting it as a caretaker until they can get someone who can do it right. I have said that in the past and gotten both responses: still asking me to do it and picking someone else. “I told you when you asked me that I only could be a caretaker,” is a simple yet effective response if anyone tries to push. If they can’t accept that, they can find someone else.
Look at the bright side: They asked and didn’t demand an immediate answer. That happens enough to be common, but it also doesn’t happen in far too many instances.
Just saying good luck. I have turned down callings (leadership ones) before. It’s a tiny hiccup in their process, but things move on quickly. Ironically the last one I turned down, opened a door for that President to give someone else who was better suited a chance.
Thanks, Curt and Mom. I have used the “you call me, you get me” line before and to some extent it applies in this case should I decide to accept. The EQP is aware I am heterodox, and that may be a reason for his choice, I’m not sure. He has no idea how far out there I am, but then few do. I don’t know that I’m comfortable using the placeholder/caretaker idea. I’m not saying it doesn’t have merit, and were it a few weeks ago before the changes I might have done so – but now the calling is too weighty and too busy. The SPC told me they debated about this at length (his exact words) and that has been running through my head. I my own experience if I have to give it that much thought/debate it’s probably not really the right thing. I’m speaking in the student branch today and this same SPC is going to be there to do their EQP. I have really been leaning toward saying “You knew the answer before you extended the call and we both know that” and leaving at that. I’d be very nice and calm about it and realize a response like that can rock the boat a bit – but I have pondered this the last few hours I also realize part of their debate must have been not wanting to shake the EQP’s tree. That is, he probably “feels very good” about this and thinks its’ absolutely the right thing, and I don’t doubt he feels that way. But he’s late 20s and relatively inexperienced in church and in life – maybe it’s time for him to learn something about those feelings.
With that last thought above in mind Mom, you are correct. I have had similar experiences where the first choice was not really the best choice, and having been on that side of the table often enough I also understand that there usually is not just one best choice or sometimes even a best choice at all. I am not totally out of tune with the Spirit (I did know something was about to happen, after all), and this is not screaming at me that I should do it.
My plan this morning is to go give my talk and if the SPC wants to talk about this after SM I will talk with him and I will likely play it by ear and if pressed will refuse with the explanation already given him and/or the “you already know” line. If not pressed I’m inclined to let it go for at least another day or two – they shouldn’t really be sweating because it is my belief they do already know.
The deed is done. I more succinctly said I just did’t feel it fair to the other two who now have more than twice the responsibility to be doing most of it by themselves. There was minor pushback as he asked how the current EQP does it being out of town all week ( and who is my best friend, BTW). That was easy. He’s not out of town all week, he’s out of town 3 days and is free the other two plus the weekends; he’s a weak counselor and not up to this new responsibility (he’s happy to be released actually but I didn’t say that); and he wasn’t fulfilling the calling as it was. And besides, if it was working why didn’t the EQP keep him? I did throw in that we all knew this outcome before they even asked me and that I was fine if they still released me from the HC (it doesn’t look like that’s really imminent, but maybe they’ll figure out the right calling eventually). Well done. May they find a good match for you. I would have done the same thing in your shoes.
Turns out there’s a bit more to the story. The SP was in my ward yesterday (I was not) with the intention of doing the business. That explains why his counselor was so bent on getting an answer. Apparently the expectation was that I was going to accept. I thought I had left enough doubt with the SPC in the initial interview – I acted more like I wasn’t going to accept than was, and I even softly chuckled out loud when he mentioned praying about it (I tried but couldn’t hold it in). According to my friend, the SP apologized for not being ready to do the business and didn’t do it. I’m not sure why he couldn’t have sustained the president and other counselor, but that’s up to him. Wasted trip IMO, especially since he lives an hour away from the stake center. I know there are callings that I would hate and be awful at. I feel that it is helpful to have a calling to be seen as a contributing member of the ward. I might even make some suggestions of callings that would be a better fit for my talents and interests. This also may help forestall repeated invitations for me to accept a calling that I might hate and be awful at. 
I do think you did the right thing. Sorry that the leadership seemed to have counted their chickens before they hatched. I know that is an uncomfortable feeling and I hope that you do not feel responsible for it.
A small part of me does feel bad that the SP needlessly drove an hour to my ward, Roy. On the other hand, it was his choice – he knew it wasn’t a sure thing for that day beforehand. As far as giving suggestions, I have a calling. Part of the pitch for the new calling was that I could do good in my own ward. I’m there at least half the time as it is and I do feel as though I contribute, especially as a “balance” to the more orthodox view (and I think the new EQP recognizes that and that may have figured into his choice). Could I have wielded more balance as a full time member? Certainly. If the idea that I’m too busy for a calling other than a Sunday calling is the main factor (and it probably is) the options are pretty limited and at the ward level. If/when I am released from the HC I have no reservations about sharing with the bishop which callings I might accept. Other factors (like a disdain for clerk/secretary work) also count limiting options even further.
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