- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Firstly – I am really thankful that this forum exists, I have felt alone with my thoughts for a long time, whilst I am not glad that others are also conflicted, I am happy that I am not alone! About me: I married an inactive member, didn’t even know what that meant at the time. I had a church-ish upbringing ie my parents sent us kids to whichever church was closest so they could have personal time on a Sunday morning! Religion was not something we talked about or considered. I had a few personal experiences, nothing to do with my husband, that led me to join the church, and I also take my now teen children (they were babies when I joined).
I have a strong testimony of most parts of the gospel. I have often felt the spirit – and for me it doesn’t seem to be a still small voice – it is very loud and direct. Maybe because I am a quiet person? I don’t know.
Which brings me to my problem…. For a while, my husband reactivated, which was great! We went to the temple together and were sealed as a family. I had no negative expectations of the temple and was looking forward to a wonderful experience. That was not my experience. Throughout the initiatories and endowments I had the feeling to get away as quick as I could, that it was all so wrong. It wasn’t a small voice – it was just about screaming at me. I experienced physical distress as well – I became overheated, felt claustrophobic and went blind – I needed my friend to lead me through the ceremony. I couldn’t understand what was going on, I couldn’t remember any of the signs, it was like a barrier in my mind. I continued on as I didn’t feel that I had an escape route
Essentially, I felt I was getting an answer to a question that I hadn’t asked. Over the years, I have wondered if I was not worthy to go to the temple, and in my heart I knew that it wasn’t true. I had made a full conversion in 2001 when I was baptised, it was 2006 that I went to the temple, so I don’t feel I was rushed and un-prepared.
When we came out and did the sealing, I was back to normal and it felt right again.
I had never told anyone about this experience, not even my husband, but I never went back to the temple again. He never really questioned why as I always had an excuse. It has all come up again lately as I am being encouraged to get my temple recommend for my own benefit and be an example to my children.
I told husband about it last week, he was very surprised and didn’t know what to say. What is there to say when your beliefs are totally different and experiences so different? I think he was a little hurt that I hadn’t confided in him before, but I explained that I didn’t want to cause him to think or react negatively and taint his own testimony.
So now I need to reconcile my strong belief in the gospel, the atonement and that the church is good and right, with my stronger belief that the temple is wrong.
I am tempted to try and go back to the temple and see if the experience changes, but that would mean getting a temple recommend by being dishonest.
One of my children is doing baptisms this weekend at the temple, I feel good about that, I just don’t know how I will feel or what I will say when it comes time to go through the temple for themselves.
I don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater – I believe that the church is invaluable in our lives, I believe that attaining the celestial kingdom is important. But …
can you still remain a member without believing in one of the biggest steps towards the end goal – so in effect not aiming for the big goal?
I hope that makes sense – it is the first time I have tried to organise my thoughts around this.
Welcome. I’m glad you are here to communicate with us. Just so you know, when someone posts for the first time, it is held before publishing until an admin approves it. It’s a way to avoid trolls and spammers. We all are volunteers checking in whenever we can, so sometimes it takes a bit for one of us to read new posts and comments and approve them.
Glad to have you. Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2
conflicted_testimony, Welcome. I look forward to your added voice in this community.
The temple is a shock to many the first time. It was for me. I did grow to love it and then later to leave it. If you never return, that’s entirely up to you. Doctrinally, it’s not necessary for you ever to return… You’ve now received your endowment and have been sealed. That’s the highest rite in the common church. You don’t have to keep going back to validate it.
As for believing in part, but not all, that’s what this community is all about. Beliefs here vary wildly. All I can say for myself is that the Church and its people are ‘good’ and that’s good enough for me at present. One thing I’ve come to understand through my involvement here is that faith is better defined by what we do believe than what we don’t.
I wish you well in your search for happiness.
Thanks for the welcome! Plus the explanation of my 1st post delay 
The biggest challenge I face with my experience, combined with an inactive husband is remaining active myself. It seems like a lot of hard work. I have to admit that if it weren’t for my kids, and desire for them to learn about the church and develop good values and friendships, I would probably fall away.
My husband said last night that I was becoming cynical. I was reading a book by Elder Ballard “One drop at a Time” – a message for women – and I was commenting out loud how ridiculous some of the statements were, not thinking that the kids were listening!
His statements were about only women being able to nurture and have sensitivity. That is a slap in the face for men, especially those that take on the prime nurturing role, as my husband did when they were small, and I went to work.
I have a lot of conflicting views that I need to keep to myself at home!
Just as white people ought not suppose they are experts on being black, men ought not suppose they are experts on being a woman. Just saying.
:shh: Welcome to the forum. On Own Now made a really good point. The ordinance has been done.
There are many other ways you can serve in the church. The person who is a regular temple attendee might be awful at compassionate service (or whatever). No one ‘does’ everything.
And believing in endowment isn’t a requirement for a temple recommend. If you enjoyed the sealing maybe you can get a recommend and just go straight up to so those. You have to put the temple clothes on there, but it’s all a lot simpler.
Hi, conflicted – I identify with your relief at finding this site! There’s a lot of social pressure to “love to see the temple.” I think the internet has freed people to respectfully say that they haven’t always (or ever) loved being there. Why do you feel getting a recommend would be dishonest? For better or worse, the questions don’t ask us how we liked it, and you don’t necessarily need to discuss that you didn’t.
Loving the temple or liking to attend is NOT a requirement of having a recommend. Period. Nobody has to claim they love or like it in a recommend interview. Period.
The questions are the questions, and they can be interpreted and understood according to the dictates of one’s own conscience – and answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. Period.
Welcome and yes we understand. Many people have had the same feelings. I just found out today that David O Mackay had a real hard time with the temple the first time he went. Do you enjoy church or just go for the kids? It has to bring something to your table to make it work in the long run. Please feel free to express anything here to help you. We are a pretty understanding bunch. church0333 wrote:Welcome and yes we understand. Many people have had the same feelings. I just found out today that David O Mackay had a real hard time with the temple the first time he went. Do you enjoy church or just go for the kids? It has to bring something to your table to make it work in the long run. Please feel free to express anything here to help you. We are a pretty understanding bunch.
Really? Where did you read about that?
I heard it in the interview between Bill Reel and Greg Prince over on Mormon discussion. I can really relate to your story, conflicted testimony. My husband isn’t inactive though, he is actually TBM, but otherwise I feel similarly. I had a bad first two temple experiences (I did my endowment the day before my sealing) and although I did continue going for several years, I have since stopped. I have had other bad experiences since those first ones too, and sometimes it was neutral, but I can’t remember ever leaving the temple and being glad I went. I know many enjoy going, even people like us who question things, but I wanted you to know that there are others who feel as you do. I also am going to church just for my kids and husband at this point. There are some things I like about this church, but I would love to take a break for a while if it wouldn’t cause so many problems. Welcome to the forum! There are many understanding people here. The Temple can be a daunting experience, especially if you weren’t prepared for it. Did you take the Temple Prep class before you went? I took that class and loved the material of it.
I have a hard time with Temples also. I am not saying that it is untrue, but it is just not my thing. I would much rather participate each Sunday serving the Lord instead of doing temple ordinances. My closeness with Heavenly Father involves service and being useful to others around me. I am a problem solver and like that aspect in my life.
I used to have a TR as a youth. I went to the Toronto temple and did baptisms for the dead. As if there was a veil of forgetfulness, those memories are extremely fuzzy. I couldn’t tell you much about my experience, other than fuzzy images of the font and the fact that the jumpsuit didn’t fit me right. I do admire the Temple, I still have a picture of my local one on my wall, but I prefer to admire it from outside.
Does that make sense?
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.