No Calling for SilentDawning

[Anonymous]

The fact that we are on this forum makes each of us unconventional. We all have a bit of ‘renegade’ in us. But, we are renegades that really care about the truth and doing the right things. I was gospel doctrine teacher for 4 years and then Gospel Essentials teacher for 4 years. People loved my classes but the stake President and mission leader during my last year of teaching gospel essentials did not like my unconventional way of teaching. I followed the lesson but asked alot of questions that brought about deep thinking. Some people can not handle when someone colors outside the lines. So, I found out last year from a former bishop that this mission leader complained about me to him and so they released me. What upset me is that neither this bishop or mission leader ever came to me privately to let me know what they thought I did wrong. I knew the mission leader rolled his eyes alot in my class and would tell the bishop; Can you believe what Sister Night just said or asked? So, it did hurt me. Because I started having more doubts and questions they never put me in teaching positions again. It was calls like Visiting Teaching co-ordinator or ward photographer after that. The thing is I did not teach anything against church teachings and so I felt hurt that I was axed because of my style. Anyway, I can empathize with your wondering and feeling sensitive about it.

The problem is: what if you felt really inspired to teach something in a lesson and then a few don’t like what you said and complain. For example, a lesson I had to teach in Relief Society was on sexual morality. One of the things I felt impressed to discuss whas for parents to be involved in their children’s schools and sex education programs. We discussed some of the things being taught in our schools today. I had a hair salon right across the street from a local high school and did alot of teenagers hair. They would tell me about what they were taught in sex ed. They said that the teacher laid out a bunch of condoms in floresent colors ( so you could find them if they dropped in the back seat of the car) and in red, white, and blue with stars being patriotic condoms. Well, a couple of elderly ladies in the back row raised their hands and said, “Do we have to talk about yucky stuff like this?” I simply said, “If we don’t talk about this with our kids then they will talk to others who do not have our standards.” The BYU student parents in my class told me they loved my open discussion. So, you just can’t please everyone and have to be content with that Heavenly Father knows our hearts.

[Anonymous]

hmm

[Anonymous]

bridget_night wrote:

a lesson I had to teach in Relief Society was on sexual morality. One of the things I felt impressed to discuss whas for parents to be involved in their children’s schools and sex education programs. [snip] Well, a couple of elderly ladies in the back row raised their hands and said, “Do we have to talk about yucky stuff like this?” I simply said, “If we don’t talk about this with our kids then they will talk to others who do not have our standards.”

I suppose I could see this both ways. On the one hand, I remember teaching lessons on sexual morality to the YM and it would be nice to get some follow up from the parents. On the other hand, I would hate for specifics of what forms of intimacy are and are not appropriate between married persons to be discussed. Also, while I understand that abstinance is the best policy – I would support my children knowing how to use condoms. I suppose the statement least likely to offend anyone would be that, as parents, it is our role to teach sex ed. to our kids. School, church, and other programs should be supplimental.

[Anonymous]

Well, without giving it much thought, I sent off a brief email to my Bishop indicating I don’t think I can handle a calling for a while. The idea of being calling-less has been growing on me for several weeks. Wife got a full-time job, is a Ward leader, I’m going to school, working full-time and part-time. Was asked to teach a SS lesson last week and the two hours of preparation put me behind the 8-ball the next day at work since I wasn’t prepared for something I needed to do. People are telling me I look burnt out at work, which I don’t really enjoy hearing.

So, I think I’ve taken charge of that situation for a while, and frankly, I like being in control of that aspect of my life. Problem is, my TR expires end of this month. Hope they don’t say I’m not supporting the Bishop and therefore can’t have one. However, I doubt this will happen as I noticed a heavy reluctance to use the TR questions as a way of making people serve back when I was a frustrated HPGL.

Wish me luck; on one hand, I feel I’m on a bit of a slippery slope — wife is making grunting noises when it comes to serving in the Church in heavy capacities now (frustrated and wants a release from her leadership calling she’s done three times in her lifetime now, but is afraid to say anything given the culture), I’m at a 10 year low in terms of commitment; at least my kids are still going strong — at least for now.

[Anonymous]

SD – IMO, just enjoy those lapses in callings. But I wouldn’t have sent an email that life’s too tough to take one on for now. The Mormon way is to accept any calling that comes your way, but to do a crappy job at the ones you don’t like or think are beneath you.

On the primary calling, I was wondering if it’s due to the new reg that men can’t teach a primary class alone. Stupid, stupid rule if you ask me. I think we need more male primary teachers, and more female EQ instructors.

[Anonymous]

hawkgrrrl wrote:

SD – IMO, just enjoy those lapses in callings.

Thanks for the bit of affirmation. I actually FEEL RIGHT ABOUT IT, even though it’s against the “unwritten order of things” that BKP came out with — that you never say “No” to a calling or ask to be released. Although I do feel a bit of a twinge of guilt. But I think that twinge is driven by the cultural “shoulds” rather than my own internal compass.

Quote:

But I wouldn’t have sent an email that life’s too tough to take one on for now. The Mormon way is to accept any calling that comes your way, but to do a crappy job at the ones you don’t like or think are beneath you.

I laughed at that one. You’re right — that’s the impact of the “unwritten order of things”. People accept the calling and then frustrate the starch out of their priesthood leaders because they don’t function, wasting their time, falling through on commitments, etcetera. I think the unwritten order of things (never say No to a calling) actually flies in the face of the scripture which says the Lord would rather have you hot or cold, not lukewarm. At least you can count of people who are open about their coldness to act that way. Therein lies integrity. So, indicating to the leadership you are stone cold and then acting that way is good for your character!!!

I have always been pretty up front about where I stand when my heart is IN or NOT IN the Church. In fact, one HPGL told me he appreciated how up front I was with him when I was

Quote:

On the primary calling, I was wondering if it’s due to the new reg that men can’t teach a primary class alone. Stupid, stupid rule if you ask me. I think we need more male primary teachers, and more female EQ instructors.

For my wife, it’s age-old problem with primary teachers not showing up, not telling anyone, not arranging a substitute, or counselors taking the calling and then not functioning. She’s still toughing that one out.

[Anonymous]

Hey, SD … What is the update on your calling situation? Anything new?

I thought of you today when the 1st counselor in the bishopric pulled me aside in the hallway to issue me a quick release, with only the explanation that the bishop knows some personal things going on with me and felt I needed more time to focus on those things than any service calling in the ward.

I didn’t think it would bother me … But to be honest, it does a bit. I think that is just natural in releases. It kinda makes one feel they don’t need me and the ward will function fine without me. I guess that is good to remind myself of.

The ironic thing was that just this morning before church, as I finished my preparations for my lesson to the youth class, I said a prayer just saying I was grateful to be able to interact with the youth…I love them, and it is a great motivator to keep me going to church on Sundays. Oops, I should be careful how I phrase things in my prayers I guess. :wtf:

I will miss interacting with the youth as much…that was my favorite part of church. But I have youth of my own, and I know they need me right now in life, so I guess I will focus more on them, and put my efforts where they should be.

Anyway, just thought I’d let you know we are in somewhat the same boat for the time being. Let me know how it is going for you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks Heber. I know the sense of loss you feel when you get released, and realize the world turns without you — in and out of the Church. Like you, when I was released as a Gospel Essentials teacher, I sort of missed having a reason to go to Church and be involved, although the break was also nice. I questioned if it was a good idea on the part of the Bishopric, and to this day I wonder if I did something wrong, although I know not what. One of my friends there told me he thought it was crazy I was even wondering if I had done something wrong. So, I think it was just ward dynamics.

As far as an update — they later offered me a calling that I felt was wrong for me. It would have me sitting at the computer even more than I do now, and responding to random phone calls at all times of day and I just didn’t have the headspace for it, so I declined it. Another reason was I was afraid I’d never get released, which was a concern since I really didn’t want to do the calling from the get-go. I so detest being in a calling and not functioning with my name all over it after my desire has passed. And having to put up with the stigma of asking to be released from a calling; better to say no and stay a free agent.

And then, a few weeks later after discussing here and realizing I had some PhD studies to focus on, I wrote to our Bishop and indicated I didn’t want a calling right now, but hoped to have one in the future and I would let him know when. I’m enjoying not having one, although I’ve been asked to fill in as a den leader for the cubs over the summer on an assignment basis by my wife who is the Primary President. I’ve agreed to do that as it’s short term, and I don’t have to worry about asking for a release. That will come at the end of the summer naturally, provided I don’t do too good a job and they call me to it permanently 😆

I feel a little lost at Church and unoccupied now, but I have done a few things to keep myself sane:

1) I skip priesthood opening exercises where all the moving requests are, and set up the HP quorum room. I find that part of priesthood particularly hard to sit through for some reason, so in skipping it, I feel much happier for now. HP quorum meetings are interactive and intelligent most times, so I enjoy them somewhat.

2) I bring my eBook reader and read in an empty room during Sunday School because the GDoctrine teacher bores me to tears.

3) I also have a few people I enjoy talking to and we have brief conversations in the hall.

Had a brief skirmish possibly with a BP Counselor asking my wife about about my “feelings” in the Church, and although I had given her direction NOT to share anything, but to send them to me, she spilled the beans anyway, and somewhat inaccurately. The guy was going to hunt me down and talk to me but I think that’s fallen off the table for now. Close call….

Thanks for asking!!!

[Anonymous]

My problem is that in one of my callings, there’s not very much I’m allowed to do. I wonder if it’s worse having your hands tied, or having too much to do. Probably the latter. It does annoy me though when they go on about magnifying things, and so on, and getting people back in, sometimes they can’t see the wood for the trees.

[Author]

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