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Hi I joined this site to discuss what a testimony has to do with your past experiences. I join the church 35 years ago as a teen and served a mission.
Along the way I have served in many callings including 5 years as a bishop.
About 6 years ago I learned I have a memory issue called SDAM. I can’t remember any details of my past.
I know facts but no memory of any event. Joining the church, serving a mission, getting married, kids etc.
so my question is without my past can I have a testimony? Without experiences can I be strong?
Lately I have questioned what I stand for and who I am.
Do I continue to believe because I always have or am I just going through the motions.
That is why I am here.
I can’t address your illness. I had never heard of SDAM before you mentioned it here, but looked it up. Is there any real treatment? Do you continue to believe because you always have? Only you can answer that question. As I understand it you’re asking why you believe. There are indeed things I believe without any other explanation than I believe it. For example, I don’t actually see the need for a “Savior” yet I believe in the atonement. I also believe Joseph Smith when he says he had a vision. I have no evidence for either of these things, but I don’t believe them simply because I always have (because I have not always believed them). Do I go through the motions sometimes? Certainly, I am probably more orthoprax than most active members – but I think we’re all orthoprax to some extent.
That sounds like an extremely difficult issue to deal with. Mkfly wrote:so my question is without my past can I have a testimony? Without experiences can I be strong?
Lately I have questioned what I stand for and who I am.
Do I continue to believe because I always have or am I just going through the motions.
Those are fascinating (and difficult) questions to ask ourselves even without memory issues!
DarkJedi wrote:I can’t address your illness. I had never heard of SDAM before you mentioned it here, but looked it up. Is there any real treatment?
Do you continue to believe because you always have? Only you can answer that question. As I understand it you’re asking why you believe. There are indeed things I believe without any other explanation than I believe it. For example, I don’t actually see the need for a “Savior” yet I believe in the atonement. I also believe Joseph Smith when he says he had a vision. I have no evidence for either of these things, but I don’t believe them simply because I always have (because I have not always believed them). Do I go through the motions sometimes? Certainly, I am probably more orthoprax than most active members – but I think we’re all orthoprax to some extent.
DarkJedi
I am not questioning the Church or the doctrine. To me a testimony is like a seed. You plant it, an event, you nourish it, an event, you prune it, an event.
I must have planted a seed, I just don’t remember it. I must have nourished it, I don’t remember. I must have pruned it, I don’t remember it.
Normally people have an aha moment. Feeling spirit after reading and praying about some point of the gospel. Or they hear a talk in general conf that sparks them. I have no memory of any such events.
So do I just exercise faith and continue. My good friend that introduced me to the Church 35 years ago said to just start over. Not a bad idea but I won’t remember that either.
I to feel love for my Savior. I think the feelings are based on experiences that I must have had. So at least I have that much.
I do recall 3rd party discussions on events. If someone experienced something with me and we talked about it I remember part of that conversation. So that helps too. But just struggling not with faith but more of a lack of foundation.
And thank you for replying.
I don’t know about SDAM and I certainly would hope that you are seeking good medical care and getting what treatment you can and ways to deal with issues of this condition. But I would have to say that you need to focus only on being a good person the best that you can. I fully believe that God will have a HUGE dose of forgiveness for you for any effects of your condition. So don’t fret about that as I would worry that alone could cause a lot of mental stress.
Be good and loving to others and I bet God is going to be well pleased.
First of all, Welcome to this site! What an interesting introduction. For you, I can see it’s very frustrating for you.
From what I’m aware of, none of us are medical experts. This will be the first time most of us heard of SDAM.
To you questions:
Quote:I can’t remember any details of my past.
I know facts but no memory of any event. Joining the church, serving a mission, getting married, kids etc.
Quote:so my question is without my past can I have a testimony?
Many people that I know who are in recovery for substance abuse try to focus on today. They only deal with today.
They do activities that support their recovery.
They associate with people that support their recovery.
They go to meetings that supports recovery. (AA)
They read books & other literature that support recovery.
I believe that we should do the same kind of things for the spiritual side of our lives.
Quote:Without experiences can I be strong?
Remember, I am not an expert. Personally, I believe you can be strong without remembering your past experiences.Concentrate on today.
Develop a close group of friends who support & understand.
Use them on a regular basis.
Maybe we can be a part of your group.
Pray & read.
Keep coming back.
LookingHard wrote:I don’t know about SDAM and I certainly would hope that you are seeking good medical care and getting what treatment you can and ways to deal with issues of this condition.
But I would have to say that you need to focus only on being a good person the best that you can. I fully believe that God will have a HUGE dose of forgiveness for you for any effects of your condition. So don’t fret about that as I would worry that alone could cause a lot of mental stress.
Be good and loving to others and I bet God is going to be well pleased.
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: There are shades of testimony in my view. In even the scholarly search for truth (I do academic research), we accept “face validity” as a form of truth if something appears to be true. It is not the strongest form of validity of truth, but it is recognized as an entry level type of truth. So, if you think Mormonism has some truth in it, and looks like it is true, that is enough for a testimony. Even if you don’t remember faith-building experiences in the past. Also, in a way I wish I could forget so much of my past.
SilentDawning wrote:There are shades of testimony in my view. In even the scholarly search for truth (I do academic research), we accept “face validity” as a form of truth if something appears to be true. It is not the strongest form of validity of truth, but it is recognized as an entry level type of truth.
So, if you think Mormonism has some truth in it, and looks like it is true, that is enough for a testimony. Even if you don’t remember faith-building experiences in the past. Also, in a way I wish I could forget so much of my past.
SilentDawning,
I agree the base level of belief is basic faith, or wanting to believe. That I have. I am a logical person and logically the Gospel is correct. But I wish I could remember a time when logic turned to feelings.
My memory issue has really made me begin to think about who I am and am I growing. Someone earlier said to just be a good person. This is not hard to do, but I cant bench mark my progress. Maybe that is the logical side of me wanting validity.
Thanks all for comments, all very helpful.
I haven’t come across anyone with this – other than the elderly for different reasons – although it is a staple of soap operas! What I would say is that to some extent you have been offered a new life. Elements of your old life will come back and they won’t all be pretty – this happens to all of us – but it’s also worth pointing out that many of your most painful or horrible memories from years ago are gone, so you won’t be held back in the same way many people are.
And now the cliches – live life day by day, and take it all as it comes.
Mkfly wrote:so my question is without my past can I have a testimony? Without experiences can I be strong?
Yes, I think you can have a testimony as you continue to experience things today that help you stay close to the spirit and close to God. Perhaps you have unique challenges with this, and perhaps those weaknesses help you learn and become strong in ways that you could not without your situation. But is it possible to stay strong and have a testimony? Yes, I think it is.
Mkfly wrote:My memory issue has really made me begin to think about who I am and am I growing. Someone earlier said to just be a good person. This is not hard to do, but I cant bench mark my progress. Maybe that is the logical side of me wanting validity.
These are some good thoughts as well to reflect on today about where you are and how you feel and how you experience church daily.Perhaps something God wants you to learn is to let go of benchmarking progress, and as Sam and others mention, look at how you live the gospel today.
I think we often want validity…and that is OK. But perhaps we can learn to have faith to be acceptable to God as we are now, even in the absence of validity by measures of success we think are important, or measures of acceptance from others.
I think you may have opportunities to feel at peace when you reflect on these questions you have and how you feel about it. I think many of us can, in many different circumstances, these questions are good ones to wrestle with.
Welcome to the site. I look forward to learning more from your posts.
Heber13 wrote:Mkfly wrote:so my question is without my past can I have a testimony? Without experiences can I be strong?
Yes, I think you can have a testimony as you continue to experience things today that help you stay close to the spirit and close to God. Perhaps you have unique challenges with this, and perhaps those weaknesses help you learn and become strong in ways that you could not without your situation. But is it possible to stay strong and have a testimony? Yes, I think it is.
Mkfly wrote:My memory issue has really made me begin to think about who I am and am I growing. Someone earlier said to just be a good person. This is not hard to do, but I cant bench mark my progress. Maybe that is the logical side of me wanting validity.
These are some good thoughts as well to reflect on today about where you are and how you feel and how you experience church daily.Perhaps something God wants you to learn is to let go of benchmarking progress, and as Sam and others mention, look at how you live the gospel today.
I think we often want validity…and that is OK. But perhaps we can learn to have faith to be acceptable to God as we are now, even in the absence of validity by measures of success we think are important, or measures of acceptance from others.
I think you may have opportunities to feel at peace when you reflect on these questions you have and how you feel about it. I think many of us can, in many different circumstances, these questions are good ones to wrestle with.
Welcome to the site. I look forward to learning more from your posts.
Thanks for your comments. I can obviously continue to apply the Gospel and feel the testimony growth on a daily basis. That I believe I have been doing for 35 years. But it sure would be nice to keep the feelings or learning or experiences to build upon.
I to have thought about, what am I to learn hear. And my only conclusion is that God wants me to walk in faith or just keep planting seeds and never see the growth.
Just wish I did not have this added challenge. I have argued with God on numerous occasions what he wants from me. And they only answer I get is keep going.
Thanks
Mkfly
“Get going” is, essentially, the core of “eternal progression” – so I think it is excellent advice. We tend to over-complicate things, so I like the simplicity of that advice.
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