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I have had such a battle with depression and anxiety for so many years. I married at barely 19 to a non-member–and knew i had made a mistake. I went to his church for while, but came back to the LDS church. He eventually told me I had to quit going to church or leave. I married my husband 3 years later. He had 2 children and I had 2 children. He had also married very young to a non-member. We both had grown up in active homes. He was a blind date—-I had been told that he had been inactive–but that he wanted to get active—-i knew he was wanting it before he met me. Less than 5 month later, we were married in the Temple and about 9 months later, we were able to have all 4 children sealed to us.
Because of circumstances i won’t go into, things were very difficult during our first year of marriage—but I knew my husband loved me. Before we were able to move out of the neighborhood he had lived in with his ex—-I had a complete nervous breakdown. We sold our house, lived at my parents for 3 months until we found our house–we had our first child together while we were at my parents. I slowly got better over the next 1 and 1/2 years–and we had twins just after our little boy turned 2. I felt like I was more on top of things than I had ever been. However, I would repeatedly be in and out of depressions for years–usually milder depressions—and anxiety was not much of an issue for me. My husband was active and we were in the same ward for 18 years. During all that time, and during all the depressions I fell into—I never really felt like I lost my faith or that I seriously doubted the church.
We moved 5 1/2 years ago–and I went into a severe depression and anxiety that i have never been able to come completely out of—i have learned that probably a lot of it is a medical condition i have–but there is also a lot of depression in our family. My husband has gone mostly inactive, which is very discouraging to me, and we fight like cats and dogs—I’m sure we both share a lot of the blame.
What I really want to know is if there are any of you on here that also deal with health problems and depression and how you manage to keep from letting your faith slip. I have read in a church book that it is hard for people with depression to feel the spirit, and hard for them to read scriptures and hard for them to pray. I didn’t have such a crisis of faith with my previous depressions, I don’t know why I am struggling so much now. I’m sure some of it has to do with my husband, but this ward has been difficult for me, too—but I have discovered there are plenty of people I really like in the ward also. My bishop is kind to me and visits with me fairly regularly.
I don’t want to slip back into how I was when I first joined this board. When I was single with two little children, I had no problem with church and knew I wanted to marry in the Temple if I married again.
Any suggestions on how I can get through this without letting myself get too negative
Is it appropriate to ask for your prayers to help me find the spirit again?Christine
All I can say is for me the anxiety was relieved when I realized the church was just not really that important in the big picture. I over dramatized its importance. Now I am rather indifferent to it and focus on other aspects of living that matter to me. Sorry you are feeling blue! Depression stinks. In the past, I have dealt with depression. What helped me was seeking professional help. Not a Bishop, but a Physician. Talk therapy also really helped me. Rigorous exercise 5 times a week and proper nutrition I believe help keep me depression free these days. In addition, I stay consistently busy with work, social activities, church and hobbies. I believe idle time can really mess with depressed people. I still have anger management problems but I think they are getting better.
Church actually helps me with my mood and anger. It gives me a great deal of peace and happiness. However, I do have some problems with stuff at church. Not every person or organization is perfect including myself.
I’ll include you in my prayers tonight momto11. Stay positive and hang in there!
I agree with Angree Mormon. Health, excersise and seeing a therapist. That works the best for me as well… HOWEVER. I do know how hard it is to actually do when you feel like crap and don’t feel like getting off the couch, must less in work out shoes. There are some things that helped me a TON!
The biggest life changing influence was a 12 step program called “Heart t’ heart”.(
http://heart-t-heart2.org/ ) The founder is LDS and co-writers of the LDS 12 step group.. (which I personally can’t stand and feel they watered down some stuff). She wrote one of my favorite books called “He did deliver me from Bondage”. I know it sounds weird to call depression an addiction… but it worked for me. I think that my depression happened to wrap around me eating disorders. It really helped to open up to a sponsor and let go of all of my “secrets’. (I believe that secrets make shame grow and shame is the lowest emotion we as humans can have~hence depression). I also went to traditional therapy as well as a process called “Emotional Release Processing”. If you are interested in learning about that venue you can find information athttp://www.ihaofutah.com/the-process .It has taken me several years and I still have ups and downs, but NO WHERE near where I was. I know these things worked for me and there are so many healing modalities out there b/c we are all so different. God speaks to us and guides us. I am telling you about it to give you more options to pray about. If someone hadn’t let me I wouldn’t have known. Only you will know where to go from here. I hope you trust yourself enough to take the first step to do whatever it is necessary to find joy:) Hug hug hug!!
I appreciate all of your replies—I guess i should have told you a little more. i have been in therapy several times. I have been to more than one psychiatrist, and I have tried just about every antidepressant out there. I was finally diagnosed about 5 years ago with hypopituitarism–it is not the most common thing in the world and really hard to find a good endocrinologist. I’m sure some of my depression has to do with my growing up, but I think a lot of it has to do with my health and my marriage. Reminding me about exercise was really good, I’ve played church co-ed softball a couple of times, and even though I could hardly run–and kept falling down—It was enough exercise to kick in some endorphins and make me feel better for a little while.
I think I have the book
He did Deliver Me from Bondage, somewhere.
I have only recently learned a little more about my illness and how to manage it—since my pituitary isn’t working right, it affects so many other hormones in my body. I just want to be able to hang on to the light when I feel like I’m in the dark.
Christine
Pituitary problems can be rough. You are in my prayers. momto11, I want to say that I am very sorry you are dealing with your health problems. Health problems can be really distressing. Last night I included you in my prayers and I will do the same tonight.
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