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So, we have a good Bishop right now. He is very personable, a good manager, etcetera. For the last two years he’s come at me a number of times for all kinds of callings. I have turned him down and finally settled on a low-stress calling that I enjoy and am apparently decent at.
A while ago, when he asked me to do something else, I finally told him that when I was ready to take on more responsibility, I would let him know. The purpose of this was to a) stop the uncomfortableness of having to say “no” all the time b) save him time.
Well, after a 3 month lull, he came at me again about changes in the Ward, people moving out, needs for management talent in the ward. That he had things for me to do….I belayed the question using my excuse of the last year — going to school.
He does have a bit of a bad memory, I have been told, so he may have forgotten when I told him I would approach him when ready in an email some time ago. He did respond that he acknolwedged it.
But he seems to have this idea that when my life is different (less busy), I will accept a hefty calling. Which isn’t true. My coping mechanism in the church has been to marginalize its influence, and to fill my life with other things I really enjoy. I don’t see myself doing much other than benchwarming, doing things that help my son (non-calling wise), and dedicating the rest of my life to causes I love.
But I am thinking of meeting with him, given his persistence to really underscore where I am with the church now. I normally don’t advocate coming out to local leaders, but his persistence is getting to me….
I would tell him the hummingbird story, about how I have had experiences that have me humming a tune of lackluster commitment right now (without getting into specifics that could hurt me in the long-term). So, even if I finish my schooling, it’s doubtful that I will do much other than lightweight callings if I continue feeling the way I have for the last few years.
I would keep it ambiguous for how long, so I can maybe get a TR eventually, if need be. Or get more involved if I wish (who knows what life will do to me to change my mind if this really is as true as the members would have you believe).
What are your thoughts on this?
My objectives are to a) preserve the inner peace I feel toward the church by reducing its role in my life, while remaining somehwat active (as I have been doing successfull) b) leaving my options open c) NOT going back to the frustration of going full-tilt in service only to find the vast majority of what I hope to accomplish, however initiated, never happens….
Thoughts?
Definitely don’t give in to doing more. I want the church marginalized in my life, but I have a somewhat hefty calling that I just want to be released from already. I have to spend 5 hours at church when I only want to spend 1 hour at church. I go to church for my kids and to keep my wife happy, but I am not too happy at Church. I would just reiterate what you stated the last meeting and keep your line in the sand and don’t get manipulated into “doing more” than you are comfortable with. I think you can carefully tell him how you feel without disclosing too much and without burning any bridges. You both recognize that you’re eventually going to finish school and he recognizes that you would be a good asset. Possibly sharing some of your past frustrations would be helpful – again you’re not burning bridges by disclosing past hurt or with expressing that you have coping mechanisms in place. I don’t think you need to go into detail about what your coping methods are. And I don’t think it’s wrong to focus on your family or your community and as I understand the church encourages both. If his memory really is that bad maybe having a similar conversation with one of his counselors with better memory might also be helpful because then when your name comes up the counselor could say “When I talked to Brother Dawning he said….” to which the bishop should reply, “Oh, yeah,I do recall something about that now.” On the other hand you could just wait to cross that bridge when you come to it. Like you said, you never now what’s going to happen in the next couple years. Anything can happen in baseball (and life).
I would not meet with him if I did not have to. I am in a similar boat to you. I do not pay tithing and seldom attend church. I have a calling as a cub scout leader on Wednesday nights.
Bishop knows that I am working things out. I do not know if he will ever grow impatient.
Right now I believe inertia to be my friend. Nothing is happening. Status quo stretches on. I gently decline invitations to get more involved because I am not yet ready. The church leadership is hesitant to push me lest they push too hard and I leave all together.
If I were to have a meeting with bishop in which I was more direct about the semi-permanence of my situation then that would be more likely to spur action of some sort (even if only to calcify opinions about me as a backslider). I do not want action. I want inaction.
You could tell him you appreciate him asking you. You could let him know that you have prayed about it and would like to continue in the calling you have now. Most Bishop are very respectful of your decision if you tell them you have prayed about it. It is very important to keep your inner peace. I hope it goes well for you. I like the theme emerging — let sleeping dogs lie. He decided for himself that I am still going to school, so as long as that is on the books, I’m safe. Deal with it when it happens…thanks for helping me see the wisdom of the advice I’ve been giving to so many other people out there…sometimes you need an objective look at it. Thanks everyone!
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