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Like so many others, I have lurked on this message board for a LONG time. This is my checklist: Eagle Scout, RM, married in the Temple, 6 kids. I became an avid student of history (early Christian, LDS and American) during my first round of being a Gospel Doctrine teacher about 15 years ago. Yet during my LDS studies, I encountered discrepancies, (or things that make you go “huh?”), but I either researched and accepted the apologist answers or “set it on my shelf” to analyze later. This was easy, as I was a member of FARMs and reviewed FAIR frequently. I was confident that “someone” in those groups would soon provide the answer that my soul yearned. During my tenure in a bishopric, I had the opportunity to answer (apologetically) some of the “historical” issues, mostly dealing polygamy and Masonic influences. Immediately after I was released from the bishopric, I was called again to be the Gospel Doctrine teacher. I used the correlated materials, but fervently sought for the stories and circumstances behind the doctrines and the early Church history. My objective was to provide more insight and identify the circumstances, which prompted a revelation. This was also the time to allow myself to address all that divergent information that had been building up. Yet, this additional study and prayer opened my eyes to so much more. Issues surfaced that became too many to ignore or rationalize….my shelf was collapsing. I had to “fix” it!
I became a zealous “seeker of truth” in addition to being a “defender of the faith”. By this time, I was a voracious reader which took me through numerous volumes, including History of The Church, Journal of Discourses, Doctrines of Salvation, Lectures on Faith, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith and so many more. I studied more to “prove” that what I had known was really the truth…that those discrepancies were really all in error. Yet the more I studied, the more evidence surfaced that brought me to a conclusion that I never expected nor sought. Fundamental confirmation was realized and the truth became painfully obvious…resulting in my faith crumbling.
Shock led to disbelief. Soon that became anger, resentment and feelings of betrayal. I had no one to turn too. Through chance, I stumbled upon and found comfort in this forum. Peace returned and joy in that I WAS NOT ALONE!!!!
Welcome. I’m grabbing a few minutes each night as I move my family cross-country, but I want to thank you for your intro and welcome you to the forum. Cuautemoc, thank you for the introduction. You have an interesting introduction & name. I had to google it. I was not familiar with this person from Mexican history.
How did you come to choose this name?
Welcome & keep your posts coming.
Mike from Milton.
It’s uncanny how many of our stories sound the same. Welcome, and I hope you find some rest here. If you read through the JD and HC, you’re going to need it. Faithfully and diligently serving as Gospel Doctrine teacher has to be on the top 5 list of sure paths to apostasy. 😈 It’s always those folks who actually care about doing a good job at it, and want to make their lesson interesting by researching the history and context… Go figure.
You are not alone, not by a long shot. It just seems that way sometimes at first. We understand that whole roller coaster rush of emotions too. Hang in there!
Cuautemoc, I also enjoyed your honesty and struggle. I too taught GD for 4 years and did alot of research. Because there is so much good in the church and you have testimonies of those things you really do believe the other answers will enventually be cleared up. Eventually, it feels like marrying someone under false pretense. They may have told you all these things they could do, like cook, or heal the sick, etc. and then find out they can’t. Then you have to make the decision as to whether there is enough good stuff with the person to stay. Welcome, truth-seeker. 
There were 2 quotes that really struck me early in my faith crisis:
Quote:If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.
– Rene Descartes
Quote:If our religion is something objective, then we must never avert our eyes from those elements in it which seem puzzling or repellant; for it will be precisely the puzzling or the repellant which conceals what we do not yet know and need to know … the truth we need most is hidden precisely in the doctrines you least like and least understand.
– CS Lewis
I think at some point, the things we put up on that shelf need to be examined again by using tools outside the traditional toolset, because the world has many sources of truth that may help shed light on those things.
Welcome!!
Mike – I chose my screen name after a period of extensive study of Mesoamerican history. It seemed appropriate with my experiences. Besides, it is quite unique. Doug – I completely agree that during/after reading the HC and JD, it really makes one want to wrap their head in duct tape to keep it from exploding
Cuautemoc wrote:Doug – I completely agree that during/after reading the HC and JD, it really makes one want to wrap their head in duct tape to keep it from exploding
😆 :clap: “Not all who wander are lost…” Or something like that. Tolkien maybe? Someone here has that as their sig line IIRC.
Welcome
Cwald – You are quite perceptive! I was indeed referencing that line from J.R.R. Tolkien in my subject. The full quote is: ““All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
I do truly believe that “Not all those who wander are lost”. It so aptly describes me at this stage of my journey.
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