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Well, I finally graduated from BYU. Up to this point being able to finish up school was my main motivation for sticking with church. Now that that’s done I’m trying to figure out what kind of relationship I want with the church when I don’t actually have to do anything anymore.
I’m conflicted, as I don’t believe anymore but I’m not sure I want to leave it all behind either, as it’s still part of my identity.
I don’t really have any external reasons to stay in the church anymore. My family is supportive any won’t care either way if I stay or leave. I will also be moving to a new part of the country for work so either way I’ll be starting over in terms of friends.
In terms of belief, I would say I’m now an agnostic atheist. I don’t believe in God but am open to exploring religion. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to believe the same things I used to.
I guess the main reason I would consider staying is for the community. While I have had some struggles with the more judgmental parts of the culture, I do think that most members of the church are really good people. I just don’t know that I’ll ever really be able to regain that sense of community in the church as a nonbeliever and wonder if I’d be better off looking elsewhere. Though I’ve never really had much experience outside the church and don’t know how that would work.
Any thoughts? Other things I should consider?
[img]https://anewscafe.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/relax-nothing-is-under-control.jpg [/img] One day at a time.
Don’t write things in stone.
Don’t burn bridges.
Spend as much or more time figuring out who you are as you spend figuring out who you are not.
If things were clear cut then decisions would be easy, so try to enjoy the journey.
[insert another trite phrase here
You’ve really got an eternity to figure it all out, so as Nibbler says, take your time. I think several here see the church as mostly community/tribe without really believing all of it. You can try to make it work or not. Some people try other churches and religions but they’re often so different it’s hard to make it work – but some do. I guess the advantage of moving to a new area is that it also gives you a fresh start. The church could give you “instant friends” but depending on the area/ward that could be a plus or minus.
Just out of curiosity, are you moving outside the Corridor? Things are different out here and the farther away the more different.
DarkJedi wrote:
Just out of curiosity, are you moving outside the Corridor? Things are different out here and the farther away the more different.
I will be moving to the Southeast. Don’t really know what the church is like over there, the area overall is very conservative but I don’t know if that means anything for church culture there.
Arrakeen wrote:
DarkJedi wrote:
Just out of curiosity, are you moving outside the Corridor? Things are different out here and the farther away the more different.
I will be moving to the Southeast. Don’t really know what the church is like over there, the area overall is very conservative but I don’t know if that means anything for church culture there.
There are folks here from that part of the country. I live in the northeast and things appear to be growing much faster there than here. I can’t speak much about church culture there except that it’s not the Corridor.
Arrakeen wrote:
Don’t really know what the church is like over there, the area overall is very conservative but I don’t know if that means anything for church culture there.More conservative than Utah? Going by the 2020 election only Tennessee, Alabama, and Louisiana had a higher percentage of people that voted for Trump. Granted there’s more to being conservative than who you voted for.
It’s all a crapshoot but I’ll go out on a limb and say that it may come down to whether you end up in a metropolitan area where the church has a strong presence or whether you live in a rural area where the church is much smaller. I’ve found church in more rural areas to be more accepting of a wider spectrum of member, beggars don’t make the best choosers.
Large stakes/wards. Hard to tell without scoping one out beforehand. I’ve been in ultra ultra-conservative stakes in the mission field but I’ve heard rumors on the internets of more liberal wards in college towns.
You probably won’t get that “I saw Arrakeen in the store on Sunday!
😮 ” like you might get in the corridor. In the mission field when churches let out is one of the busiest times of the week for many restaurants.nibbler wrote:
It’s all a crapshoot but I’ll go out on a limb and say that it may come down to whether you end up in a metropolitan area where the church has a strong presence or whether you live in a rural area where the church is much smaller. I’ve found church in more rural areas to be more accepting of a wider spectrum of member, beggars don’t make the best choosers.Large stakes/wards. Hard to tell without scoping one out beforehand. I’ve been in ultra ultra-conservative stakes in the mission field but I’ve heard rumors on the internets of more liberal wards in college towns.
Looking at the demographics of the specific area where I’ll be living and working, it looks to be dominated by retirees. That may mean church culture will be more “traditional” there. There seem to be enough members for 3-4 wards with a 20 mile radius or so.
DarkJedi wrote:
I think several here see the church as mostly community/tribe without really believing all of it. You can try to make it work or not. Some people try other churches and religions but they’re often so different it’s hard to make it work – but some do.
I would consider the community component.I believe that YSA that are not worried about dating within the faith are the group that are least well served by the community that we offer. I do believe that dating outside of the faith requires much more communication because you are not necessarily building on the same frameworks (not that you necessarily have the same framework within the church but at least there are more commonalities).
I believe that the community is helpful for families. I have an example that illustrates this. When our kids were younger we would invite as many kids to their birthday as we could think of. We invited their entire school class. We invited the kids from a kids Christian group the children attended. We invited the kids from a support group we attend. Lastly we invited the kids from our LDS ward. We would be lucky to get one or two school classmates out of 40. the kids Christian group, one or two out of 14. The support group, maybe 50%. The LDS ward had a 80%-90% RSVP rate.
LDS people turn up when asked in much higher rates than other groups that I have encountered. This is true of birthday parties but also things like helping someone move, a service project, or bringing in meals for an injured person. There is something to be said for the feeling of being part of a community that will show up when you need them.
I have speculated that when my children are grown I might have less reason to stay connected to my local LDS ward. However, at that point I might find my need for socialization to increase.
Arrakeen wrote:
I don’t believe anymore but I’m not sure I want to leave it all behind either, as it’s still part of my identity.
For the most part, as long as you don’t do anything permanent or drastic, the church will always be there for you to go back to. You can get out there and explore the world, explore other faiths, explore other thoughts and ways of doing things, and then still go back and reintegrate with an LDS ward at the time of your choosing. I might consider taking a sabbatical from the church. You might just find that you miss the church and have a new appreciation for what the church offers. Or maybe you will find that the church played a helpful role during your formative years but just isn’t very relevant to your life moving forward. Either way, you would have discovered the truth of the matter for yourself.
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