OK to tell the bishop you think someone is burned out?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has been in a fairly high demand position for over 10 years – this time around (they’ve had the calling before as well). As a friend in our conversations, burnout is pretty clear to me. There are some other signs of burnout like skipping Sundays to work when I know it’s not necessary to work, not attending to all duties, etc. There does not seem to be any relief in sight, and our ward continues to bleed members (mostly move outs) so the pickings are slim. And the bishop seems to be pretty much clueless. Would it be out of line to pint out to the bishop that I think there’s burnout?

[Anonymous]

Rather than cite burnout I might try to point out that a person has been in a high demand position for over a decade and nudge the BP to give the person a break. That way it’s you pointing out why someone might need a break as opposed to an issue with them being burnt out. The overworked person retains more …honor?… that way.

I see this sort of thing all the time, heck, I’ve experienced it. We stay in the same calling for years and sometimes suffer silently because of the reverence we show to the calling and the community. In my experience it’s almost always the case that a busy BP didn’t know that Brother SoAndSo had spent as much time as they have in a particular calling.

I’m deviating…

My two cents, I think it’s best that the BP come away from the conversation with a reminder about the person’s 10+ years of sacrifice as opposed to potentially thinking less of a person for having burnt out.

Sensitive subject. I’m glad it’s you up there… for more reasons that the obvious.

[Anonymous]

I think its ok, and I like the framing that Nibbler suggested.

One of my friends on the HC met with the SP and made a bunch of recommendations for the ward he is assigned to for leadership change (Bishopric, HPG, WML) citing some burnout but all just energy and a need to change things up. It is also a ward that is bleeding people as its a bit remote and people keep moving close to the city where the jobs are.

So yes, I think its good to make recommendations. The Bishopric doesn’t always know how everyone is doing at every single point in time.

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

I have a friend who has been in a fairly high demand position for over 10 years – this time around (they’ve had the calling before as well). As a friend in our conversations, burnout is pretty clear to me. … Would it be out of line to point out to the bishop that I think there’s burnout?

DJ, if you consider this person a friend why don’t you go directly to him (or her)?

[Anonymous]

Even though intentions are good, I would not get involved unless asked my opinion from one of them. Certainly as a friend, like Mike said, I might check if my friend needs support to know how to speak up in a culture where some are taught to “never ask to be released”.

Otherwise, it is the bishop’s journey to learn to be aware of such things. And also the friend’s journey to handle his limits and his desires to serve.

They’re adults. They’ll figure it out, or learn something from not figuring it out.

[Anonymous]

Mike wrote:

DarkJedi wrote:

I have a friend who has been in a fairly high demand position for over 10 years – this time around (they’ve had the calling before as well). As a friend in our conversations, burnout is pretty clear to me. … Would it be out of line to point out to the bishop that I think there’s burnout?

DJ, if you consider this person a friend why don’t you go directly to him (or her)?

We talk all the time, that’s how I know about the burnout. They’ve stated it in not so many words.

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

Even though intentions are good, I would not get involved unless asked my opinion from one of them. Certainly as a friend, like Mike said, I might check if my friend needs support to know how to speak up in a culture where some are taught to “never ask to be released”.

Otherwise, it is the bishop’s journey to learn to be aware of such things. And also the friend’s journey to handle his limits and his desires to serve.

They’re adults. They’ll figure it out, or learn something from not figuring it out.

This person is of the mindset that we never ask to be released or refuse a call. We are good friends and do talk all the time, and that I have doubts and questions is no secret between us. I guess part of my question is wondering if the person does need somebody’s help in intervening because they’re not going to ask themselves because they have made it a point to me.

The bishop is an interesting person. I’ve talked about him here before and I don’t have a great deal of respect (or like) for him. He’s generally clueless, socially inept, and a poor excuse for a leader. He has been bishop for over five years and it doesn’t seem like he’s learned much in that time. I do like my friend, though, and don’t like to see the needless suffering. When they’re scheduling themselves to work Sunday just to avoid the calling, and they’re otherwise very faithful, something is wrong. On the other hand, I also don’t expect that if I go to the bishop and let him I know I think he’s burned out that a change would ensue.

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

don’t like to see the needless suffering

Watching others suffer needlessly is soooooo difficult! You’re a good friend.

[Anonymous]

DJ you said,

Quote:

…I also don’t expect that if I go to the bishop and let him I know I think he’s burned out that a change would ensue

.

In my opinion, that’s why it has to come from your friend. Assuming he really is burned out & needs a release, he needs to realize it, accept it & have the strength to talk to the Bishop about his situation. If the Bishop doesn’t believe it or accept it, your friend needs to tell him, “I need a release. My last day in this calling is…”. Sometimes we need to be that blunt.

For what it’s worth. Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

Mike wrote:

DJ you said,

Quote:

…I also don’t expect that if I go to the bishop and let him I know I think he’s burned out that a change would ensue

.

In my opinion, that’s why it has to come from your friend. Assuming he really is burned out & needs a release, he needs to realize it, accept it & have the strength to talk to the Bishop about his situation. If the Bishop doesn’t believe it or accept it, your friend needs to tell him, “I need a release. My last day in this calling is…”. Sometimes we need to be that blunt.

For what it’s worth. Good Luck.

Thing is, Mike, that works for me and I have done that. He won’t do it though – he is fairly TB, at least in the won’t ask to be released/won’t refuse a calling. I have counseled him to at least speak to the bishop, he won’t even do that. He believes the bishop will know when he’s supposed to be released. I have no faith this bishop will know.

[Anonymous]

Talk with the Bishop as an element of your calling, even though you probably have no responsibility for your own ward. Say that as you have traveled throughout the stake you have noticed that some people seem weary. Explain that you understand being weary and cite Elder Wirthlin’s “Concern for the One”. Explain that you think there might be some members of his ward that are “weary” and might need less taxing callings for a while – like Brother XYZ, for example. Say that you don’t want them to become burned out.

If the Bishop is as clueless as you believe, he probably won’t see it any other way – and maybe not even when you talk with him. If he doesn’t get it, talk with your Stake President about the possibility of addressing the general issue in a Bishops’ training meeting – or, if you think it would be understood and/or accepted better, talk with the Stake President first and let him address it with the Bishops.

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