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I was reflecting on this today. I had a lot of time to be alone, and I reflected on how much of the unhappiness in my life has happened when I’ve needed to rely on others for certain things — whether Church leaders, organizations, bosses at work, or even family members. Often they don’t want to give whatever it is I’m asking for — even when the need is intense and extremely important, and their refusals cause unhappiness. And I’m not talking about money or temporal resources, necessarily. What are the keys to living your life completely independent of needs for support or help from other people to promote happiness? Or is this even a desireable goal?
It’s not desirable, imo, to not need others – but it is desirable to not need them to be happy. Otoh, I do think you need them to know joy – but I don’t think you need everybody to know joy.
:ugeek: I think there is something to personal strength, that it is desirable to not need validation from others in all things. How do you get there?
That’s the million dollar question. I think a lot of it has to do with focus and practice. Positive self-talk can play a role, combined with life experiences that help to reinforce the concept. I don’t know that there are any “sure-fire” short cuts, but it seems to me that with some persistence a body can learn to stand confidently on their own strength of will.
Not sure if this is even in the same ballpark of what you’re asking about, and I know it’s basically all “fluff.” But I do believe a goal in sight makes all the difference.
Our society is structured so that we are all interdependent on each other. I am not sure you can completely free yourself of the need for others. I think it can be minimized to a great degree however. There is an old saying “lead, follow, or get out of the way”. If you are a follower you will most likely be dependent on others much more. That is not a bad thing, the world needs followers but if it makes you unhappy you better learn how to lead. Personally the only place I let others control my situation is at work (and the government by force). This is because I need the job and it is structured such that I must do what I am asked to keep that job. It does not mean I am totally dependent on them for my success but I defer and depend on them for a certain level of support and direction. Sometimes it makes me unhappy, but that is just reality.
If people continually disappoint you then either you need to lower your expectations or find new associates. Or just learn to live an independent life.
I wish I could remember where I heard/saw this idea recently. I think it was on a show about survivalists or something. Anyway, this was the statement: Independence and total self-sufficiency is poverty.They were making a counter point to the strong desire for some people to go off and live “off the land” or being completely off the grid. This could be generalized to other areas of life, like social groups and religion too perhaps. The point was, when you have to make EVERYTHING yourself, you end up having all your time consumed just providing the bare essentials for life. You get the minimum. Cooperating with other humans allows for a maximization of effort and efficiency. People who live on their own without trading or working with others tend to have the least — poverty. Those who work with others, and can agree on specializing and trading, they prosper and end up with FAR more than they can achieve on their own.
That is an interesting point Brian. I agree, and I can also see a relationship between the more specialized you become in whatever you do – the more you need others to fill in the other areas. To what extent do you think we should be interdependent in our relationship with the Church as an organization, and with individual Church members, if at all? Or should we approach our relationship as a one-way street, where we let others be “dependent” on us (and I don’t mean in an unhealthyway) , but require nothing from the Church or individual members ourselves? There is a line from a current country/pop song that says: Quote:“It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you.”
Just my random mind doing its thing – but I do believe there is a power in recognizing and embracing our inter-dependence and celebrating the differences that make it necessary. Seriously, if all of us were identical in thought, belief, action, etc., inter-dependency would be necessary only for survival. That would be a real drag.
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