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I am excerpting from a post by Darcee Yates, over on Mormon Momma. I normally don’t try to put parameters on the discussion that flows from a post here, but the author is not here to respond, so I only ask that we all avoid the tendency to nit-pick about one detail here and there and focus more on the underlying message and spirit of what she has written: Quote:I’ve grown up in the church and my memories are clear as day of sitting in Sunday School only eight years old and even younger. I knew my family was different because we didn’t have a dad in our family like the pictures the teacher always held up.
Quote:For a long time I’ve had the feeling — kept hidden in a box, deep inside — that hard as I tried, all I got was the consolation prize. I have always felt that those who won have it all, like the man who spoke yesterday in sacrament, bless his soul, who said that among his 13 children, he has 13 returned missionaries and they have family home evening together and set goals to do 100 ordinances at the temple a month. That is so fantastic. It really is. And I’m so happy for him.
Quote:The Savior has made me a parent of children that have rebelled and its my gift in life to love them as God does. Joyfully.
Quote:Suddenly I don’t feel like I’ve lost anything. God’s just asked me to run the marathon instead of the 5K. I can do that.
Joining the church as a convert, I didn’t have a perfect Mormon family to display. I soon learned that certain families were acknowledged though, by reason of their devotion to the faith. They became good examples. When I married and raised my family, our new ward certainly continued the elevation of certain families to admire. I didn’t & don’t have a problem with it. What is interesting though, is several of the most spiritual, most committed families, had terrible problems with some of their children. Rebellion was alive and well. On the other hand, my clan (more on the fringe, actually divorced in the midst of raising our kids), managed to sent all our sons on missions, to see temple marriages for all who married and have offspring in high leadership positions today. I guess (in the Forrest Gump tradition), “Life is just a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.” Thanks for sharing the quote Ray, I liked it. It makes me sad that we, as a church, think of people as failures who have not done X Y and Z. I think this is a very common way of thinking/feeling. My mother said to me, after I mentioned that it wasn’t the end of the world if my brother doesn’t go on a mission, “You’re right, it isn’t the end of the world if he doesn’t go on a mission. It is the end of the world if he stops going to church.”
I remember a man making a comment in SS one day that seemed so odd to me. He was kind of upset when he said it, too. He said that it always bothered him so much when people would bear their testimonies and say “I’m so grateful to have been born of goodly parents” who were members of the church. This hurt him because he felt that his nonmember parents were also “goodly.”
I’m sure a lot of these feelings of inadequacy stem from the emphisis on works.
“Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly.” President Uchtdorf
I’m so glad that this woman understands her calling to love. What a gift that will be to her children!
Great thread! Wow, I don’t know where to begin with the OP’s example. Wow! And I thought my dad was bad.
We do all have the exact same gift from God, none better and none worse: life. It’s the clutter in our life and how we arrange it and what we think about it and how it makes us feel, that’s different. But, it is just clutter. Some people hide it in the closet so they’ll look better. Some people arrange it “just so” to control it. Some people get depressed that it’s always there. Some people ignore it, in hopes that everyone else does too. Some people are always trying to get rid of it but, of course, it’s never totally gone. Some are ashamed of it and may eventually do irrational things. A few are at peace with it, knowing that it’s what makes the house a home. What makes life worth living.
The longer I live, the more I think that no one really gets the perfect family and no one just gets consolation prizes. Even those who seem to have the perfect situation often have their issues behind the scenes which are private and deserve to stay behind the scenes, but I believe there is enough tests in life that no one goes unscathed. There are just different times and in different ways. I remember a bright young man in his early 30s talking in High Priest Quorum that he sometimes feels guilty his life is so good, and so easy. His high paying job allows their young family to have a nice house, nice cars, and family vacations, even with saving for the future. His kids are all healthy and they have FHE and prayer and scripture study. Seems to be the perfect situation. I just remember thinking…he’s 30 … there is still a lot of time for things to happen in life, not that I wish anything but the best for them…I just think everyone has their times and their tests.
We often don’t see others’ tests and over examine our own…feeling like we are only consolation prize winners. I think God loves us more than that.
Thanks for sharing, Ray.
Thanks Ray for sharing that post. I can really identify and feel what she is saying. I am very impressed that she is able to stand back from it and understand. As a Church we do have too much of a “public” emphasis on works and it is so important to really grasp the importance of the grace that Christ has given to everyone. That is the real gift, salvation available to all, no questions asked, simply accept in humility. Quote:That is the real gift, salvation available to all, no questions asked, simply accept in humility.
I don’t remember if you were here when I linked to the following, and I’m too lazy to go through the comments and check, so if you are interested:
“Embracing Grace” (
http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007/11/embracing-grace.html Thank you Ray that is a great link and a wonderfully well written discussion of grace. I’m glad that you were lazy and just posted it. I love my life, even the sucky parts. If this is a consolation prize, I am glad I entered the contest. Sometimes the hard parts are the most poignant … like a strong, salty-spray wind that presses against my face telling me it’s time to hoist the sails. The 1920’s writer Dorthy Parker wrote a poem “Ode to bed room ceiling”. As a depressed 15 year old I found her poetry very helpful. Over the years there are several thoughts that have become written on the ceiling of my mind to recall when I feel I am receiving “lest than the best”. Some of them may be helpful to others. 1. over 90% of the people in the world would give everything to have our Cons0lation Prizes.
2. Before there was Forest Gump there was Tennessee Williams; who said in his play Dark at the Top of the Stairs “Sometimes the folks that act the happist are really the saddest.
3. “If we all put our problems on the table and each could pick again . We would probably pick our own again.”
I don’t know the author but the following comments help me appreciate how lucky we really are this Thanksgiving:
If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following ….
There would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world’s wealth and all six would be from the United States
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death;
1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer.
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.
The following is also something to ponder …
If you woke up this morning with more health than illness … you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation …
you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death … you are more blessed than three billion people
in the world.
If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep … you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace…you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy.
If your parents are still alive and still married … you are very rare, even in the United States and Canada.
If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful… you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not.
If you can hold someone’s hand, hug them, or even touch them on the shoulder… you are blessed because you can offer healing touch. If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
And the sin of all of this is that we still want more. …..
Makes you think a little bit doesn’t it?
Yes, it certainly does. When we can step outside ourselves and realize our own abundant blessings, it’s a LOT easier to work through our own issues and concerns. Thanks for sharing that perspective, Konvert Kid. I appreciate it.
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