Paranoia about who is noticing the lack of garments

[Anonymous]

I’ve never heard the “danger to all” argument for female garment-wearing. Is this more of a local attitude than a church-wide one?

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with Dax that women are judged quite a bit differently when not wearing garments. I’ve heard conversations where others speculate that the reason so-and-so isn’t wearing garments is because they want to wear immodest fashions or because they’re too concerned with how they look or their sex appeal. Sad, but true.

From my experience, it’s much easier to tell when a woman isn’t wearing garments than it is for a man. With DH, you can’t really tell at all. He’s always worn the crew neck style, which look like a white undershirt. He hardly ever wore white dress shirts to church anyway and under his colored shirts you can’t really tell. For women though, no matter how modest and appropriate the clothing, those lines are always visible. I guess that’s why I’ve been a bit worried about it. Sure, it might not be a big deal for young, single sisters who aren’t expected to have gone through the temple yet. But for me, a 30-something-temple-married-mother-of-4, not wearing garments could be quite the topic for discussion.

The bishop and counselor dropped by the other night because they had “heard some rumors”. I know it’s silly, but my first thought was that they’d heard I wasn’t wearing garments anymore. The rumors in question turned out to be about our impending move, which is still not completely set in stone but a few people in the ward that we chat with know that it’s likely happening soon. As you can see, I still have a ways to go as far as not worrying about what other people think of me. I have to constantly remind myself that what I’m doing isn’t wrong and that it’s actually been beneficial to me personally and really, it’s none of their business.

[Anonymous]

SD I think it is more of women’s insecurity, lack of power and the modesty issues. It was in only the one relief society that it became a huge discussion but I have heard similar sentiments echoed by women and some men in many places.Of course this is not everywhere but women not wearing garments can be seen as a threat by some which I think boils down to the worry that modesty will not be enforced. Which was never the purpose of garments in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Dax wrote:

SD I think it is more of women’s insecurity, lack of power and the modesty issues. It was in only the one relief society that it became a huge discussion but I have heard similar sentiments echoed by women and some men in many places.Of course this is not everywhere but women not wearing garments can be seen as a threat by some which I think boils down to the worry that modesty will not be enforced. Which was never the purpose of garments in the first place.

I hate how the modesty thing is such a big issue even for young girls. I loath ascribing evil intention to how a woman might dress. I detest the argument that if we don’t hold the current modesty line then all forms of lasciviousness will break forth. (I’ve heard this last argument specifically to defend having and enforcing a modesty requirement that goes beyond what we would personally find objectionable or in bad taste.)

I would love to share the message that you are NOT how you dress and we shouldn’t judge others based on their dress. I think some general guidlines/principles may be in order but then heavy emphasis on trusting individuals to govern themselves.

[Anonymous]

SilentDawning wrote:

I’ve never heard the “danger to all” argument for female garment-wearing. Is this more of a local attitude than a church-wide one?

I think this is an area in which women school each other, police each other and it is suffocating sometimes. Wish all men could be a fly on the wall for the years of subtle and not-so-subtle discussion among women on this topic. I’m not saying that in a hard-hearted, men-don’t-understand way, but I don’t think they have a similar experience.

[Anonymous]

What Roy said.

I think the general church dress guidelines are fine, since they really are modest (“moderate”) in almost all cases – but the way that members build hedges about those guidelines and use the guidelines and hedges as a marker of righteousness and worthiness really, really, really bugs me.

Shoulders as temptation – no matter one’s age?! Seriously?! Shorts and t-shirts over swimsuits?! Seriously?! That’s just warped.

Also, we’ve totally twisted the principle of modesty by applying it exclusively to how people dress. That’s an entirely different discussion, but it’s one of our weaknesses right now in the Church, since it allows extravagance in other areas to be overlooked and not labeled immodest – and some of those areas are far more important than how we dress, imo.

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