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Summary – We are currently not advocating for our young adult children to get the Patriarchal Blessing My children are now 18 and 17 and they are currently not likely to continue in Mormonism.
My daughter received her interview last summer that granted her permission to get a Patriarchal Blessing.
DW and I have been discussing the prospect for a good while now. We have wanted to give the kids enough of a foundation in the LDS church that they can make their own choices to take it or leave it but also be fluent in Mormonese enough to not feel out of place at an extended family reunion.
I have been arguing in favor of the Patriarchal Blessing as a rite of passage experience that is common among our young people.
Over the last 6 months, I have started to change my mind (inertia seems to favor not doing anything anyway).
In the discussion with DW, I am reminded that the Patriarchal Blessing will invariably chart out a course on the “covenant path.”
My own patriarch asked me about my mission plans prior to my blessing and even after I told him that a mission wasn’t in my plans, he proceeded to tell me through the blessing that God had a mission for me and that I would have to make a choice but if I chose correctly great blessings would be received.
My wife tells me that she doesn’t read her patriarchal blessing anymore as it makes her feel guilty. She sees it as a series of “if/then” promises. It promises health by following the WoW. She has health problems so she blames herself for not following the advice about eating a mostly vegetarian diet etc. It also says that she will be the mother of both sons and daughters and even after discussing multiple ways that this could still come true (through in-laws or in the afterlife), DW still feels that it reflects poorly on her that this didn’t come to fruition. I feel that DW’s upbringing exacerbated a “worthiness earns blessings” model that we were taught in church and that leaves her looking inwardly for personal failings whenever things don’t go the way we might have hoped.
Therefore, I am no longer advocating for my kids to get the patriarchal blessing. For someone that doesn’t continue in the Mormon path it could be an interesting artifact of heritage at best but a method of shaming and guilt at worst. It seems that the potential negatives could outweigh the benefits.
What are your thoughts or experiences regarding the benefits or drawbacks of getting a patriarchal blessing for individuals that are unlikely to continue on the covenant path?
I think that it is too impersonal to really be an effective rite of passage these days – I didn’t know the patriarch who gave my blessing, and I don’t use it. I haven’t used it for easily 6-7 years now – and not even that often in the decade before that. I tried to periodically, but it didn’t function like personal scripture for me that I could trust. Roy wrote:
In the discussion with DW, I am reminded that the Patriarchal Blessing will invariably chart out a course on the “covenant path.”
I can only anecdotally comment on my PB and the ones that people have shared with me but yes, quite a bit of them are centered around giving someone an assurance that they’ll be able to check all of the checkboxes and hit all of the milestones that the church has laid out for people.
If you want me to get more cynical, I’d also say that those checkboxes are often related to something that benefits the church as well. Like in your example of the blessing to serve a mission. The church benefits from kids serving missions. Kids do too, I’m just saying.
My kid is older than yours Roy and still hasn’t gotten a PB. No one really pushed them to get one and I don’t hear about them like I once did. I wonder whether they’re becoming less of a thing in LDS culture. I know they haven’t gotten rid of them but it doesn’t feel like they’re out there selling them very hard either. Maybe this is something that’s only advertised in a one on one setting with kids and that’s why I missed it. Or maybe the covid years created a gap and PB reminders fell through the cracks.
That said, my kid has been inactive for a number of years. They may have had more people pushing them towards getting a PB if they were active. Or maybe the impetus to get the ball rolling has always fallen on the parents and that’s why no one has talked about it? Being a post teenage years convert I don’t know much about who talks with who about getting PBs.
Roy wrote:
What are your thoughts or experiences regarding the benefits or drawbacks of getting a patriarchal blessing for individuals that are unlikely to continue on the covenant path?Personally, I wouldn’t. Like I mentioned earlier, a PB reads more like a checklist of things that the church wants you to do more than something that’s custom tailored to you from god. If you’re not interested in church, there’s not much point to getting your own “personal” checklist that reads like the typical roadmap that’s laid out for all members of the church.
I think PB’s are a great blessing to people who are on the covenant path and believe in traditional Mormonism. I question, however, whether it’s healthy for everyone — particularly children like yours, Roy, who may not continue with the LDS church after they leave the nest. Reading a list of promises about an LDS future to people who are not on that path can render the document somewhat ineffective. I am also not sure all things come to pass in PB’s due to no fault of the person. There was a story about Spencer W. Kimball and how at a place he stayed, the woman of the house asked him why her son was killed in a war after being drafted when he was promised a mission and temple marriage in his PB. The story was written as though fielding this question was a hassle for SWK being late at night after a long day.
But what stuck with me is how the PB didn’t come to pass.
I should dust mine off and read it again. I haven’t read it in 10-20 years.
I had my own PB as a young adult convert. It is very general but does check off the boxes for the “covenant path” (which was not a thing back then. It did not specifically address a mission but did promise that I’d find joy in bringing others into the church. I did serve a mission, but I currently find it very difficult to find joy in others coming into the church. My PB also addresses my chosen career and that I would always be needed. Long story short, this one was a total fail and pretty much led me to where I am today – a non-believer in the PB. I have not read my PB in many years and don’t have any desire or plans to because it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on. My own now adult children each had their PBs in due course. None of them are currently active in the church, and I don’t believe any of them put any stock in their PBs. At the time they got their PBs they probably did have some desire for them, probably like 8-year-olds desire to be baptized. This was in no small part due to their mother’s influence and the influence of their peer groups at church in addition to church leaders.
I guess my own advice would be to leave it up to them. I’m not sure of current teachings or policies regarding PBs, but traditionally it seems to occur sometime in a young person’s teens. But there’s no rule I’m aware of that states when they actually should or can. It would follow then that if they desire one as adults, great. I am generally opposed to pressuring our youngsters into doing things church related (including baptizing 8-year-olds).
I appreciate everyone’s feedback. We are particularly concerned about church pressure on my 17 year old son with autism to serve a mission. He is impressionable and inherently a rule follower.
I value mine, and my wife’s, and our children’s – even though I understand and agree with the concerns in the post and comments, and even though some of those children are now inactive adults. Mine is fascinating in some ways – and I use that term intentionally. I can see one unique promise in it as a foreshadowing of my participation here, interestingly. I know that is highly subjective, but it really is fascinating to read the actual wording of that sentence in hindsight. Having said that, I would not recommend people getting them who are not committed to active participation. I think the probable negatives outweigh the theoretical positives.
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