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So, how do you find peace during adversity? Particularly when you don’t have LDS Theology to rely on? And when the adversity is something that may well last until you die? Radical acceptance – totally accepting that although we don’t like or agree with the situation it is beyond our own control and we can do nothing to change it. DarkJedi wrote:
Radical acceptance – totally accepting that although we don’t like or agree with the situation it is beyond our own control and we can do nothing to change it.
I would sit quietly and think about what I will need to sustain myself in that process / check in with my “gut feeling”. It might look like meditation/”being 1 with nature” and related thoughts.
It kinda looks like analyzing upcoming “expenses” of time/talents/energy and generating a rough budget of them. “Self care” in the sense of “avoiding self-destructive habits” and doing 1 small-ish “stackable” good thing like drinking enough water every day can help with that personal resource budgeting.
Also, prepare the items/resources that have worked before when you were in a rough spot. If you write songs, order music paper:)
I think being grateful helps. Pray multiple times a day giving thanks for those things you have. President Nelson gave that advice when COVID was new. I have found that throwing myself into a lot of hobby projects and my work helps. Being absorbed in something challenging and interesting can make the hours fly by without any thoughts directed toward the thing that is causing adversity. Enjoying a meal at a restaurant while reading is yet another outlet.
Most things end at some point. I take comfort in that like when I am working out on a treadmill.time ALWAYS passes. Tomorrow always comes they say, and certain adversities end with death or even before.
I absolutely love the concept of Radical Acceptance – especially the Buddhist foundation framed within Mormon theology. I don’t know a lot about Buddhism, but I do know that learning to not want things is one path to peace in that religion. I am working on that now. For example, in my situation, I read a book on relationships and the author made the comment that we don’t necessarily need relationships to be happy. In fact, he commented that relationships can make us miserable. I certainly know that based on experiences I’ve had with close relationships. This flies in the face of Mormon and general Christian theology which places a high value on relationships. For Mormonism, the emphasis on eternal family, and in Christianity, the emphasis on loving relationships with your fellow “man” (people). But the idea of pursuing joy, fulfilment, and happiness in ways that don’t involve close relationships is a novel concept.
I seem to remember being lambasted when I said this here years ago, but unfortunately, my perspective hasn’t changed much. I am not convinced the pursuit of eternal marriage and eternal family is necessarily a good thing. For me, the commitment I made in the temple to eternal family kept me in a rather unhappy marriage for decades. I probably would have been happier had I gotten a divorce when it became evident early in the relationship that it wasn’t working — and started over again with someone more suitable to me. Also, the limited choice for a marriage partner in the “mission field” where I lived didn’t exactly set me up for success. And I was eligible — handsome, well educated, with a good career.
And of course, it doesn’t appear that I will be partaking of the blessings of eternal family for all my sacrifice anyway. No one in my family keeps their temple covenants, and my son hasn’t even made any. Further, he doesn’t believe in the LDS version of the gospel either.
So it looks like the “now” is a good time to prepare for a time when I will be living singly without relationships anyway — assuming Mormon doctrine on this subject is true. It puts a new perspective on the idea that “now is the time to prepare to meet God”. In my case, preparing for a life of singlehood since that is likely what I am going to get when judgment day comes.
Funny how the topic of eternal family assumes the people in the family want to be with each other for the long term. Sometimes, they don’t….in fact, I had an investigator on my mission who confided he didn’t want to be baptized because he didn’t want to be sealed in the temple eventually and have to spend eternity with his wife and kids, the family dynamic was so full of suffering for him. I didn’t have an answer to that.
I can’t speak for general Buddhism but I can speak to the Buddhism that I invented for myself. 
For me the trick isn’t to learn to not want things, the trick is more in line with that idea of radical acceptance that was mentioned above. I also probably overemphasize duality in my flavor of Buddhism, so that will color my response.
Radical acceptance in the context of wanting things…
If you want something and don’t get it, you accept that.
If you want something and you get it, you accept that.
In both scenarios you accepted an outcome and in both scenarios you wanted something. Radical acceptance didn’t mean not wanting something, it meant finding peace regardless of the outcome from having wanted something.
SilentDawning wrote:For example, in my situation, I read a book on relationships and the author made the comment that we don’t necessarily need relationships to be happy. In fact, he commented that relationships can make us miserable.
I agree with that. There’s a duality with relationships, they have the potential to create both happiness and misery. There’s also a duality within that duality, the duality associated with
nothaving relationships, that has the same potential to create both happiness and misery. Relationships also aren’t 100% happy or 100% miserable. There are happy times and miserable times that occur over and over again in a relationship.
Mormonism has this concept of duality as well. Eve’s recognition that happiness could not be experienced unless it could be juxtaposed with misery or even the more benign thing I hear often at church that technology is a tool that can be used for good or evil.
There are lots of concepts at play. It would seem that both happiness and misery are unavoidable, so that becomes part of radical acceptance. During the happy times there’s acceptance that the happy times will not last and that misery will eventually meet us; there’s also the acceptance of being happy. During the miserable times there’s acceptance that misery is also impermanent and that happiness will come; there’s also the acceptance of being miserable.
The core of Radical Acceptance is understanding the only thing that actually exists is the current moment. The past is gone; the future never will be (since it actually will be the new present); all we can do is the best we can in the moment, so we can accept it as enough, hoping we learn to do differently (in whatever way will be good) in the new present moments – accepting ourselves and others as only able to do what they can in this present, and giving up expecting and demanding anything else. In Mormon theological terms, it is seeing “perfect” (wholeness, completion, and full development) as the goal of eternal progression (not obsessing about trying not to make mistakes, with the accompanying guilt and shame) – and acting with “long-suffering” to allow others their own journey without judgment or condemnation through their own “time and all eternity”.
Buddhism frames it within reincarnation. We frame it within multiple stages of eternal development. Conceptually, they are so similar as to be indistinguishable.
I’m not an expert on Buddhism either, but as I understand radical acceptance in relation to suffering, it seems the acceptance of things as they are leads to an end of suffering because we no longer desire a different outcome. I don’t think that’s always easy for us humans to do, but I can see the basic connection there. DarkJedi wrote:
I’m not an expert on Buddhism either, but as I understand radical acceptance in relation to suffering, it seems the acceptance of things as they are leads to an end of suffering because we no longer desire a different outcome. I don’t think that’s always easy for us humans to do, but I can see the basic connection there.
This is exactly what I thought when I read Nibblers post. Wanting something and not getting it causes suffering that doesn’t exist when you stop wanting it. So not wanting and accepting current circumstances has a lower suffering quotient than wanting, not getting, and accepting.
Here is the answer provided by Artificial Intelligence via ChatGPT to my opening question: Quote:Finding peace during adversity can be a deeply personal and individual journey, and it’s possible to cultivate inner peace and resilience regardless of one’s specific religious or theological beliefs. Here are some suggestions that may help in finding peace during challenging times:
Self-reflection and acceptance: Take time for self-reflection and introspection. Acknowledge and accept your circumstances and the emotions that arise from them. Allow yourself to feel and process those emotions, practicing self-compassion and understanding.
Mindfulness and present moment awareness: Engage in mindfulness practices that help you focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on past regrets or worrying about the future. Mindfulness can bring a sense of calm, grounding, and acceptance to your experience.
Cultivate gratitude: Focus on the aspects of your life that you are grateful for, even amid adversity. Practicing gratitude can shift your perspective and help you find moments of joy and contentment.
Seek support: Reach out to a support network of trusted friends, family, or support groups who can offer a listening ear, understanding, and empathy. Connecting with others who have faced similar challenges can provide a sense of validation and support.
Engage in self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This may include engaging in hobbies you enjoy, practicing relaxation techniques, spending time in nature, exercising, or seeking professional help through therapy or counseling.
Find meaning and purpose: Reflect on the values, passions, and purposes that are meaningful to you. Engage in activities or pursuits that align with those values, as they can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment even in the face of adversity.
Seek wisdom from philosophy or literature: Explore philosophical or literary works that offer insights and perspectives on finding peace, resilience, and meaning in the face of adversity. These sources may provide alternative frameworks and guidance.
Focus on personal growth and learning: Embrace opportunities for personal growth, learning, and self-improvement. Engaging in activities that foster personal development can provide a sense of progress and contribute to a sense of fulfillment.
Practice forgiveness and letting go: Consider forgiving yourself and others for past hurts or grievances. Letting go of resentments or grudges can free up emotional energy and contribute to a greater sense of inner peace.
Engage in acts of kindness and service: Finding purpose and peace through helping others can be a transformative experience. Engage in acts of kindness and service that are meaningful to you, whether it’s volunteering, supporting a cause, or simply being there for someone in need.
Remember that finding peace is a journey, and it may involve trying different approaches or combinations of strategies. It can be beneficial to seek guidance from a professional counselor or therapist who can provide additional support and personalized strategies based on your unique circumstances.
What do you think of this response?Those are wonderful ideas. AI is very impressive.
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