Personal Damage Control?

[Anonymous]

OK, so, I was going to HP group regularly. Lessons were OK — they were interactive, one of the teachers was applying techniques from our teacher’s council and he lessons got way better. I kept rocking the boat (gently) and got affirmation from high profile leaders in the quorum on some ineffective cultural values we hold as a church.

A lot of people were starting to come as discussion was lively. New guy takes over and hits us between the eyes with all the hard stuff — harping on home teaching, storehouse assignment, a bit of guilt, a focus on reactiviation and then tops it off with non-stop talking every Sunday.

While we were sitting there, one of the long time members leans over and says “I liked the way you did it better when you were HPGL”. He was referring to my approach of giving the quorum the three missions of the church on a piece of paper, with space below each. Everyone writes down what we should be doing in each mission to help the ward, given its needs as we perceived them. Then, the leadership fed all these ideas back to the quorum and the quorum checked off those initiatives they felt interested in supporting. I then formed project teams from the most popular projects, and off they went. So much happened and half the time I wasn’t even there and wasn’t following up. They were into it. Saw progress in many areas as a result. I saw my role as simply exposing and organizing existing passion. BTW, there was no missionary work in the strategic plan because there were no initiatives anyone suggested or supported. That was OK. To my discredit, it took me 2 of 3 years in the HPGL chair to land on this approach, which worked.

I told this brother (who was tacitly expressing disapproval with our new HPGL) to tell HIM – the new HPGL – that, but in a nicer format. Such as a suggestion for how to develop the plan for the quorum for the next year that he could get behind, based on past experience.

I don’t want to go to priesthood meeting anymore. Doesn’t seem like a good use of time, and I’ll sit there almost seething now. Tried it twice now. Church attendance is SUBRTRACTING from my commitment.

I’m looking for alternatives as my teenage son is in PH opening exercises with me and I need to be in opening exercises with him. Some ideas.

a) take off during High Priest group and do some home teaching.

b) go to Elder’s quorum

c) use the time to train teachers one on one in how to use technology.

d) bring my computer and work in an empty classroom.

Also, any suggestions for how to give this new HPGL, a very experienced man in the church, some tips about the need to make HP more interesting? About 80% of our HP is inactive, and he promised that if we HT them they will come back to church. In my view, HP group meetings that are full of boredom, nothing but the hard stuff, etcetera, aren’t going to activate anyone. I can address this tacitly if he comes to the teacher’s council, but the old saying — you can lead a horse to water but you can’t….

How to proceed? Or just suck it up and minimize the damage?

[Anonymous]

I would probably take options a or c – that way, if you get asked about it, you have a plausible reason to be dodging HPG. (Not that you need one per se, but whenever the non-sheep do something the sheep don’t expect, questions tend to arise.)

[Anonymous]

I like options a, c, d. I’ve been known to sit on my tablet during PH meeting and pretty much ignore the lesson completely. I’m there in body, not in spirit. Instead I do genealogy.

For some reason, a certain member of the stake presidency (and a distant relative), gets invited to speak to our quorum every few months. He drives me a little nuts, and so if I see him at church, I just sit in the hall on my tablet and do genealogy instead. Nobody ever wonders why I am in the hall.

I really like the idea of one on one training, and if that is your calling, you ought to consider doing it regardless of whether the lessons are boring.

I love your idea of feedback. Maybe I’ll suggest it to quorum leaders. I used to complain about boring church, but found I like it much better than the alternative: https://mormonheretic.org/2017/05/04/being-grateful-for-boring-church/

[Anonymous]

The difficulty is, people will notice if you’re not in HPG. There’s no real way to “stealthily” avoid it on a consistant basis, without getting called out. Maybe that’s what you want, maybe you don’t care, but your reputation and influence is going to decline when you’re not there.

You can always approach the HPL, saying you were praying and pondering about how to be an effective HP, and offer your suggestions. You can volunteer to teach a class or two. Just don’t demand, force anyone’s hand, or give ultimatums. They won’t go over well.

Another approach, and one I’m finding more and more useful, is being alright the brethren making mistakes. Life’s a mess and that’s okay. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to make things the very best they can be, but it’s not our duty to fix everything. Sometimes, we need to learn to be at peace with this crazy, messed up world.

mormonheretic wrote:

I’ve been known to sit on my tablet during PH meeting and pretty much ignore the lesson completely. I’m there in body, not in spirit. Instead I do genealogy.

Wonderful approach, MH. I do this too, on occasion.

[Anonymous]

This month we hold a teacher’s council. I made a kind of “deal” with our HPGL that I would go at home teaching thoroughly provided he and his assistants supported the teachers council — both on the Ward council and with their attendance at our councils. He did’t say “Yay” or “Nay” but he did say he agreed wholeheartedly with the TC. So, I hope to see him at the council.

At the teacher’s council, I will distribute a checklist of teaching basics and comment on the ratio of teacher talking to class talking. I am not sure what a healthy ratio is, but my gut tells me it should be at least 60% class talking in lecture/discussion format. We are modeling a little used format (panel discussions) and during the reflection portion of the council, I will comment on how the best lessons tend to be one where the leader isn’t doing the talking — the class is.

My hope is that he will get the message as he’s a smart guy, and a former Bishop. Interesting that by the third Sunday of his taking over, attendance at HP group fell by 50%. See how important it is to have QUALITY in our church experience??

[Anonymous]

Here is how I handled my angst about HP Group this week.

Same thing — non-stop talking from our HPGL. Everyone faded out.

I put up my hand, and asked a hard question of the leader “with hopes for an answer from the quorum”. It was loosely related to the topic of the speech were getting from our leader. This sparked about 10 minutes of discussion. I kept putting my hand up and asking new questions, which then solicited more input from the class. I think that gobbles up 15 or 20 minutes and I was engaged. The question related to my topic of being seen doing service for the honors of men. So it was interesting to me.

I can’t do that for the whole time or the HPGL will likely not let me ask questions in the future, but it helped.

The second thing I did was approach a brother who is an excellent teacher. Asked if he liked teaching. He gave an enthusiastic “yes”. Suggested he share his talent with the quorum by asking the HP if he could teach a lesson or two as it fits around his High Council schedule. He said he’d do that. I thanked him as I thought the quorum would benefit from his gift of teaching. Let us hope.

There is also a brother in our quorum who is very loyal to me. I am thinking of suggesting that he joins me in asking questions during our lessons to break it up a bit. Have to be careful it doesn’t sound like a secret combination 😆 But he has also presented dissatisfaction with our quorum experience.

Trying to be proactive here. Almost didn’t go this time, but this strategy seems to be helping…

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