- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Hey, I’m thinking of doing an episode this Thursday evening (if I can pull it off) about raising kids in a NOMish, StayLDS’ish household. Anyone interested in being part of a panel? Let me know.
John
Please post your questions here: John, I’ve been thinking of sending you a note recently to thank you for some great new episodes! I loved the one on Karen Armstrong’s book, I thought it was tremendous! I am just now starting the Edward Kimball and am so excited to hear it. I think raising kids in an “open” household is another good one. I wish I was in a position to join the panel (although I don’t know how much value I could contribute) but my situation and schedule just won’t allow… so I’ll give my quick two cents right now.
I remember a little talk on the subject in discussions around Fowler. What sticks out in my mind is that “it’s good for children to have their stories.” I would even call it vital, or inescapable. I anticipate my kids will have much the same experience growing up in the church that I did. I think I had a great childhood, I have no regrets. The only thing I would change is to allow for more open discussion on any topic. I don’t want my kids to have the impression that any book or subject of study is taboo. All information can be useful – obviously some more than others. I want them to have the impression that truth will cut its own way, and God wants us to ask questions because that’s the way we find answers. I want them to understand that the church is filled with humans, and they don’t always agree or see things in the same way and that’s okay. I want them to be comfortable exploring both faith and science, and to be able to recognize that both have their limitations.
Most of all I want my children to learn how to live life richly and love deeply, and personally I’m convinced the church can be an effective tool in getting to that end. I don’t know that I even hope for them to move beyond Fowler stage 3, I just hope that they will have love, tolerance, and respect for all people regardless of their position in life or background. I hope that my children will develop the confidence and self-love that will anchor them and enable them to give to humanity and to cultivate love.
Thanks again for all your work John!
Wow, that was fabulous Orson! I hope and pray that I can do the same for my kids as well. And, thank you John for everything, too!!!
Orson, I’ve been thinking a ton about this lately. And I love what you say about allowing children their stories. They NEED their stories. I think it’s right to give it to them. Here’s how I am approaching it in my home, with a little Santa analogy to demonstrate what I mean (note that I am NOT comparing God to Santa, just comparing stories about Santa to stories about God).
When children are little, they believe that Santa Claus is literally real. They wouldn’t even understand if we tried to offer a more nuanced explanation.
When they begin to mature, though, they start asking questions. And THAT’S when we fill them in on deeper and more nuanced ideas about Santa Claus. Santa Claus isn’t actually, literally a fat elf in a red suit who flies around the world delivering presents. Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas or the spirit of Giving or the spirit of Magic, or whatever.
I think we can do the same with our religious beliefs without undermining their faith, but enhancing it with age-appropriate answers to questions.
(And I always say, “how do you know when a child is old enough to learn X,Y, or Z? When they ASK THE QUESTION.” You don’t have to answer more than what the question is actually asking, but a straightforward question deserves a straightforward answer. Dodging questions or being less than forthcoming just teaches kids there are things they can’t approach you about — whether it’s sex, or religion, or whatever.)
So, for example, this is how it’s played out at home with my three-year-old…
“Mommy, is God a boy?”
“Yes, baby, I believe God is a boy — AND a girl, too.”
Her response? “Oh! Do you want to play dollies with me?”
Straight-forward, simple, no fuss, no mess. When she’s older, she’ll probably ask me what I mean by that. Then I can tell her. Until she asks, I don’t worry about it.
Now, I might get into a tiny bit of trouble if she repeats that in primary (where I happen to be in the presidency, lol)…but oh well. It’s important for me to answer her honestly and straight-forwardly when she asks me questions. Way more important than whether or not I inadvertently “ruffle some feathers” in the process.
Katie, I liked your response. Straight forward and direct with the kids is teaching them what you want to teach them without complicating matters for the kids. And I think you are right…the kids move on to their world (toys, friends, etc), and sometimes we over-think things as adults and place our perspectives on them as kids…when we should let them have their “story” and their world, and patiently teach them based on their capacity. I really felt Elder Packer’s talk in General Conference today and then others that followed focused a lot on the importance of the family, and the church is there to support the family, not dictate to the family or take away parental responsibility to teach the family.
I take that
veryseriously. My recent studies have enlightened me and helped me reconcile things with God and my spirituality and my personal life situations. I have had multiple discussions with my children on how I feel and questions they have from their classes. If I take President Packer’s talk seriously…then I preside at home to teach my kids, and the church leaders do not have the authority to take away or preside over my family on what I feel they need to know or need to be taught.
That really impressed me today as I listened to Conference talks, and it made me think how I will apply that guidance by church leaders into my NOMish home.
Quote:I really felt Elder Packer’s talk in General Conference today and then others that followed focused a lot on the importance of the family, and the church is there to support the family, not dictate to the family or take away parental responsibility to teach the family.
I agree and this is well said – and I hope this is the position that stakes and wards will take. Let me raise my kids, if i need your help, I’ll let you know. The church programs are designed to help support the family—-not the other way around. Am I crazy or is this the way it’s suppose to be? I feel like the church preaches this, but then the stake and ward does just opposite. I’m new to your blog, but have followed you website for over a year. I appreciate this site and how it helps folks like myself
Heber13 wrote:If I take President Packer’s talk seriously…then I preside at home to teach my kids, and the church leaders do not have the authority to take away or preside over my family on what I feel they need to know or need to be taught.
I would never have pictured myself saying it before today, but Boyd K. Packer’s talk was one of my favorites. I got the same thing out of it that you did, and I was very heartened by it.cwald wrote:The church programs are designed to help support the family—-not the other way around. Am I crazy or is this the way it’s suppose to be? I feel like the church preaches this, but then the stake and ward does just opposite.
I don’t think you’re crazy, I think this is what it is supposed to be and the church is there to help support, not make all the programs and activities and meetings more important than what is going on at home.In fact, I have been worried about what will happen this year when my son turns 12. Will the bishop deny me the opportunity to ordain my son? After hearing Pres Packer, it seemed to specifically address this…and that the fathers should be the ones giving blessings and ordinations. I wonder if I will need to remind my bishop a few months ahead of the time before my son turns 12 to remind him what Pres Packer said.
I agree it seems the stakes and wards seem to have their own ways of defining their line of what they think is support for me and my family. Perhaps there are times when I need to stand up and tell the leaders that I preside for my family.
Heber13 wrote:In fact, I have been worried about what will happen this year when my son turns 12. Will the bishop deny me the opportunity to ordain my son? After hearing Pres Packer, it seemed to specifically address this…and that the fathers should be the ones giving blessings and ordinations. I wonder if I will need to remind my bishop a few months ahead of the time before my son turns 12 to remind him what Pres Packer said.
I’ve been thinking the exact same thing (my oldest turns 8 this year). I’m keeping one phrase in mind: “battlefield commission”.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.