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I’m wondering if your participation in this forum causes any concern for your spouse. Time for a poll. She knows I read several “heterodox” blogs and groups. It does not bother her as she realizes it helps me Stay LDS, and keeps me somewhat sane. My wife knows I use this site & has no problem with it. My husband knows, and doesn’t mind. I actually talk to him about some of the interesting thoughts brought up on here and he finds them very interesting. My husband knows I’m on this site and has no problem with it. He thought about being active on the site himself — as a spouse. I requested that he not do that. He is very active in the bloggernacle, and I asked that he leave this one little corner alone. Let it be mine without sharing. He was totally okay with that. OTOH, he signed up on a closed “spouse of members who had lost their testimony” site. He didn’t last long there. He saw too many spouses discussing horrible marriage issues — drugs, alcohol, affairs, etc. He found it depressing and not applicable to his situation.
We just pretty much discuss everything, but in neutral terms. I don’t mock his belief and he doesn’t mock my disbelief. It works for us.
It seems that my wife now has more issues with the church than I do. She had a terrible lesson yesterday about Joseph Smith. They spent the whole time talking about how much tribulation he passed through, and how he must have been a prophet because of that, finally ending with singing “Praise to the Man”. She was very upset by it. Maybe I can get her to join too.
My wife knows I participate on this site and she knows the full extent of my faith transition. Participation on this site doesn’t worry her, but my faith transition does. My wife does not know about this specific site, but she knows I look “at stuff” (and she probably assumes is it mainly anti-mormon stuff). I plan on “coming out” later this year and I will let her know in general terms. I don’t think I would like her to be looking at this site and figuring out who I am and seeing the “vents” that I have sometimes done. That might shock her.
I’m “other.” I think he goes back and forth between concerned and not. I wish he were interested in reading here or anywhere, but it’s just not him. I accept that because he accepts me. Ten years ago, my vote would have been no, she doesn’t know and it would freak her out. Then between 4-8 years ago, it would have been yes she knows and yes it troubles her. Now, it’s yes she knows and no it doesn’t trouble her. Maybe it’s because I’ve evolved, maybe it’s because she’s evolved, or maybe it’s because I’m a lost cause and she’s come to grips with it. I’m not sure. The answer probably changes day to day. My wife knows and sometimes pops on to read posts. She was at times very concerned about my faith transition but I believe that she is more accepting of it now. When she came on the first time she read some of Ray’s posts (she mentioned him specifically) and told me that she appreciated that there was effort to treat the church fairly and even give it the benefit of the doubt in many cases. Thanks Ray for helping to calm my wife’s fears at a volatile time. My spouse doesn’t really know. She doesn’t follow board and listservs. I don’t think she would have a problem if I did tell her but I want to keep the things I say here private for right now. My husband knows I have been on the site in the past. He describes this messageboard as “an anti-Mormon website that is designed to get people to leave the church.” Still not sure how he came to that conclusion but it’s not one of the things I’m free to talk about anymore. Ever since he accused me of hating the church, and threatened to divorce me, I use incognito browser windows to visit StayLDS. That way, it doesn’t show up in my computer history. I don’t feel good about the duplicity, but it’s either that or put on a facade and pretend everything is okay, and I can’t do that either. I was hard pressed to pick an answer that fits the situation. Ultimately I chose yes, and it bothers her, although I think it bothers her less now than it did in the beginning. The best thing for me is not to talk about it with her. She does know my username and reads my posts now and then, I hear. At least she has stayed with me in spite of my dissaffection.
Joni wrote:My husband knows I have been on the site in the past. He describes this messageboard as “an anti-Mormon website that is designed to get people to leave the church.” Still not sure how he came to that conclusion but it’s not one of the things I’m free to talk about anymore. Ever since he accused me of hating the church, and threatened to divorce me, I use incognito browser windows to visit StayLDS. That way, it doesn’t show up in my computer history. I don’t feel good about the duplicity, but it’s either that or put on a facade and pretend everything is okay, and I can’t do that either.
That’s too bad. I’ve tried just about every forum that exists where LDS doctrinal/historical issues are discussed at some point over the last 10-15 years. I think this is the best place to be in terms of getting support and talking to people with similar issues, but who have goal to retain their faith and staying in the church.
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