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My daughter needed a temple recommend and ended up with our new Bishop with our home Ward on short notice. I accompanied her and he met with me. First I have a lot of respect for the man — a serial entrepreneur, humble, no ego, apparently in early semi-retirement or retirement. He is a very nice person. Interesting the legacy I left behind in our Ward — he said “You were HPGL and visited every single person in the Ward, and then killed yourself!” — meaning I burned out — which was true.
There were a couple points that were interesting — one was when he told me I was probably the smartest person in the Ward and that he was very short on leadership — he could use me — but didn’t get imposing or preachy. He commented on the lack of men, and how everyone was moving out of the Ward. It was probably the worst thing to say to me given my high expectations of people when I serve, and easy disillusionment. But it was kind.
The other point was when we were talking about our Ward building which has been under construction for about 3 years now. The consensus is that SLC is dawdling — requests for updates are met with the same answer “We are working on it”. I made the comment that “I’m concerned about the message that sends”. [without saying it, I meant that it shows SLC, in its slow indifference to the distance ward members must travel, doesn’t care much about its members]. He looked startled at the comment — I feel I have been out of the culture for so long I’m not even sure if verbalizing that concern had crossed any lines.
There were other comments — when I commented on my service activities the last 3 years, and said that my family and sometimes even church members may not value it as much as priesthood service, but that it was meaningful to me, he said “We SHOULD value MORE of that kind of service”.
It was left that I would continue attending a different Ward, for reasons I won’t reiterate, and that my service is now directed to the community for the next while. But I did say I would participate in certain activities with my son. I gave him my business card.
At the end, I said “I really appreciate your soft approach to my involvement”. And he nodded his head agreeably.
It’s nice to have had a very positive experience with a priesthood leader for a change. It’s been a while
My daughter asked me how it went, and I replied that this particular Bishop is probably more likely to get me involved in service at church more than any other man I’ve met in the last few years. And then I took her out to her favorite restaurant as my thanks for her good heart in wanting spiritual things, to go to the temple, to want a patriarchal blessing — without our prodding. I think she appreciated that.
Overall, a good church experience.
On the way home, I was seriously thinking about getting involved, but a few factors deterred me. One, the expectation that I would pay tithing. Two, the distance I would have to travel to get to church after years of driving long distances at one point in my life, three, the culture, and four, the amount of time that gets wasted when you serve with people who don’t keep commitments.
Although probably a stumbling block and weakness of myself — these high expectations — they are real, and I have not figured out how to break the
High Self Commitment = High Expectations of Others paradigm that I realize I am on. It does lead to separation from people and organizations on a large scale, and it prevents staying power. On the other hand, sustained, high levels of service without results, or reciprocal results is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I can’t stand it for long periods of time. Ho hum…
I’m glad you had a positive experience my friend. You deserve it. Sometimes these types of things are tender mercies. SilentDawning wrote:Although probably a stumbling block and weakness of myself — these high expectations — they are real, and
I have not figured out how to break theHigh Self Commitment = High Expectations of Others paradigm that I realize I am on.
It does lead to separation from people and organizations on a large scale, and it prevents staying power. On the other hand, sustained, high levels of service without results, or reciprocal results is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I can’t stand it for long periods of time. Ho hum… SD – Thanks for sharing this. He sounds like a great guy and I hope there’s something for you to do in that ward. You’ve been really open about your struggle with a High…= High…. paradigm. I don’t know the easy answer, but I appreciate that you let us in on the process.
So glad to hear this. It sounds like there is a bit of respect going both ways. He must be smart to recognize you are smart 🙂 My previous 2 bishops were GREAT! Two men that I dearly love and they are deep down good people and NOT hung up on culture – in fact they would deride it mainly behind closed doors, but even across the pulpit when it needed to be said.
I have had bishop about 15 years ago that if he were my bishop as I went through my faith crisis I wouldn’t have even kept attending as I know how he would respond. He was a real hard-nose pound the pulpit (literally). And now I find out he was molesting his granddaughters. Makes me sick.
Don’t take this as leader bashing. The more levels of leadership I served in gave me a huge appreciation for the amount of time and love bishops and those above put in. I must and do admire them for this.
Cool. I’m glad to hear you had a good experience. :thumbup: Very happy for you! :clap:
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