Positive Tones / Interesting Topics

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it is just me, or what all of you think. I know DJ needs a little break, and that all needs to happen from time to time.

But I also wonder if there is anything else we can do as mods to promote some positive mojo on the website about STAYING LDS and the church and all the good things that help us stay…and avoid just replying to people who struggle, or just sending vibes that we all just tolerate the pain of church. That isn’t going to help some people to have our site just be about coping and nuancing what is clearly not true or enjoyable.

While we don’t need to white-wash stuff…I just wonder if any of you have ideas on how we might better promote positive vibes, or good reading material, or inspiring messages to be middle way and happy about the church. There is truth to be found at church, but it sure ain’t perfect and sure ain’t pretty at times.

I get the impression with SD or others that maybe our site reflects some negativity more than a balanced approach. Some might think we all are jack-mormons…don’t believe it is true but cope with it and pretend.

I have been quiet on the boards lately mostly because I don’t feel I have anything to offer on the topics at hand. I will chime in when I have time or feel drawn to participate. Maybe that isn’t enough…maybe I need to initiate some discussions more. Not sure.

Should we try to introduce topics to get feedback? Should we look for other blog sites and link to them and respond here to generate more discussion?

Or…do you think we are all doing OK as is? Thoughts from you all? Do you think we are helping people now?

[Anonymous]

I’d expect a place like StayLDS to drop off in participation. Lots and lots of people are open about their issues with the church, nothing compared to even 10 years ago. Almost everyone has a family member or friend to turn to these days and I think people are becoming less and less concerned with anonymity when looking for support. That said there is still a need.

For the most part Sunday School and PH/RS lessons are fairly scheduled churchwide. Early each week we could do a thread on the upcoming lessons for that Sunday, dedicate sections highlighting areas where belief neutral positive comments can be made, related comments made by church leaders that are more inclusive can be shared, and highlighting areas that may potentially cause issues for people and how to process them in constructive ways.

I’m not exactly volunteering, I’m in semi-break mode myself. Work has taken a significant uptick and my paternal grandmother passed away yesterday. She was 88 and displayed very aggressive behavior resulting from dementia. It was her time. Just sayin’ it’s been a busy summer so far.

[Anonymous]

I have tried to do that by posting weekly in the What Happened Good at Church Today. Ironically there is always someone who had a bad week. But I agree our MoJo is less Happy to be LDS or carry the good of LDS with us.

I am also weary of TMI. I am guilty of it, too. But I know far too much about SD’s marriage. I would cringe to meet his wife. She may even be very nice but he has said too much, or too much for a public forum.

I also have tried to keep feeding quotes to the book section that I find uplifting but Rob won out even there.

I won’t give up. But I think it is a good idea.

It’s like parenting. Sometimes a parent needs a hug, too.

[Anonymous]

I probably am one of the primary examples of this, ironically.

I have written quite a few posts over the years that were focused on perspective or good things or positive aspects of faith and religion. As my time to participate by writing longer comments and posts has ebbed and flowed, so has the focus / content of my participation – and I have been the most reactive when I have the least time. It’s kind of the nature of the beast, unfortunately.

It also is a bit difficult to come up with “new” insights when I’ve written well over 10,000 posts and comments over more than seven years.

I think it is important that we as admins and mods consciously look for ways to write faith-affirming posts to provide an uplifting element to the forum. They don’t all have to be church-affirming, but there should be elements of that, as well, where appropriate.

[Anonymous]

I have stopped reading about polygamy. It just doesn’t interest me anymore.

On the other hand, I have started a Joseph Campbell like book and I look forward to giving a review. That will be my positive contribution.

[Anonymous]

I agree with what you say, Heber, and feel much the same. I do get drawn into the negativity sometimes, and frankly, I like SD but he is sometimes quite negative especially when promoting service outside the church. The church can do better at service, especially serving our communities, but all in all I think we do lots better than other churches as it is.

And, yes Mom, I am sometimes the one that chimes in with more negative remarks on the church report thread. The past few weeks at church have not been all that spectacular, but today in fact was and I plan to report that. The truth is, as Heber says, I’m not really all that unhappy with church, and I do more than tolerate it. I think lurkers or sometime viewers or maybe one time viewers could get the idea that we’re all pretending and some have even said as much. I’m not pretending, but reading some of my posts from someone else’s point of view could look that way.

I’m usually at a loss as to what to post for new topics except when it’s something I’m struggling with. It’s obvious I’m struggling with lots of things right now. I kind of like the idea of talking about the upcoming lessons for a couple reasons – I generally like the perspective of participants here (which will be different than the ones in the real class) and it can give some ideas of nonthreatening things we might be able to say in those real classes.

I am still in a general pissy/down mood so I will be careful and try to only be positive.

[Anonymous]

mom3 wrote:

I have tried to do that by posting weekly in the What Happened Good at Church Today. Ironically there is always someone who had a bad week.

I’m guilty of a few of those myself. It’s tough, I’ve had some bad weeks. That said, I did want to highlight a distinction: there’s a “Good things that happen at church” thread and a “Return and report about church today” thread. The return and report thread is currently the thread that is bumped to the top and the difference in title alone can steer people’s thoughts. Return and report has no expectation that the experience shared was a good one. Maybe if we bumped the good things that happen thread instead so it’s the thread that’s at the top and immediately visible to people and on their minds.

I’ve currently got a few monkeys on my back and I know that lately I’ve been more negative than I’d like to be. I’m going to be curbing my participation for a while until I can recenter.

One concern I have is that I think people will gradually fall off if the conversation dies down too much. Maybe activity here is cyclical, I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

It is probably cyclical. Just look how hot it gets when a policy comes in or a GA gives his personal take in a non-GC talk. So lull’s are natural.

As to my comment about me posting uplifting stuff and someone posting the opposite, I meant no judgement. I think I sometimes appear like the Polly-Anna person on the site, maybe even pushing the goodie-two-shoes side if I am not careful. What I had hoped to put across is the idea that even if we start something in a positive direction we have no guarantee it’s going to stay. Everyone of us on this Island of Misfits is struggling, suffering, processing. You can’t Polly-Anna your way out of it. Since the Salt Lake is quiet maybe we can step back a bit, too. We can’t stop SD from his diatribes, Rob looks like he is taking a break, so maybe quiet is good.

[Anonymous]

mom3 wrote:

sometimes appear like the Polly-Anna person

That is not a bad thing.

I hope we strike that balance, where we can sometimes be very critical, and sometimes be polly-anna and optomistic and full of hope.

Balance is good for a forum of sharing support and various views.

Cadence does not have balance. Simply has negative tones. I would put SD on a more negative sliding scale than middle, but not to Cadence.

If we are nothing but positive, I think people will tune us out…”Heber13 will always have that take on it”…ignore…

We can’t necessarily change who we are, if we are negative, fine. But…I sense most of us are past the anger and into a balance position. We can just take the pulse of the discussions and try to help keep it balanced.

In the past, Ray has defended some people who were negative but valid in their arguments.

I think you all get what I’m saying. Just maybe I’ll try to add some positive tones if I can drum up any. I don’t even know why I’m typing this…you all know what you’re doing…I’m just talking out loud to myself. (am I still typing????) :wtf:

[Anonymous]

Heber13 keep typing. Yes we have all thought about this, but I see us as sort of being the second force on the beach. When the site was created it was an answer to a storm where there seemed to be no light house or ship rudder. Venting and Anger fit the bill of the time. Now we are nearly a decade beyond it, there are new tools that didn’t exist at the beginning. Those tools will need to be disseminated, that is our job now. With conversations we can help people move better from their pain – if they will let us.

I was processing this thread while I walked my dog, and I was reminded that science confirms most humans are negative by nature. Our brains just wire that way. Despair comes easier than joy. Glass half empty is easier to see than Glass half full. (For my part I also wonder what germs are in the glass). What science is learning though is that we really can change that in our lives. It’s like eating healthy or exercising or anything else. It’s not automatic. You get to determine it’s place in your life. How does this apply here?

We can gently be that tone even while supporting pain. Maybe we have to move past the pat answers but between us as Moderators we have a decade’s worth of comprehension, experience, and strength. We can harness those and guide our little island to brighter days. People don’t even need to remain active members, but if we can help them keep family connections, personal respect, and some semblance of hope than I think we succeed in this second wave.

So Heber keep typing. Sure it may be ground already covered, but someone else can say the same thing using different words, and it will be the answer sought.

I really like our team. DJ enjoy the break. I’ve taken them before and everyone covered for me.

[Anonymous]

mom3 wrote:

Sure it may be ground already covered, but someone else can say the same thing using different words, and it will be the answer sought.

This is pure wisdom.

Thanks for sharing. You all are an inspiration.

[Author]

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