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Calling on your infinite wisdom yet again! My mom had been dx with cancer. My mom has been pretty positive about everything, but wants me to pray for her. I have always had a hard time praying. For one I feel like I am “talking” to myself. Also I think I over think things. For example I will pray that my mom will make it through her treatments ok. Then I think about all the other people who have prayed for the same thing for their loved one. When it comes down to it what happens will happen. People will attribute miracles of people being saved to prayer, but what about the ones who didn’t. If it was time for the ones who passed on to go, then it was obviously not time for the ones who did not pass on to go. What does praying have to do with it, if in the end whatever happens will happen, know what I mean? So then you pray for peace or comfort for that person, but then again it makes me wonder why would they not have peace or comfort. What if a person who had no belief in God was sick, or in trouble. Would God hold out comfort to that person because they didn’t ask? That just doesn’t seem right, so then again it seems like why pray and ask for that. Then there is praying to say your grateful, that is mainly what I do when I do pray for reasons listed above. Even then there are many times I have a prayer in my heart so to speak when I am just over come with gratitude. It happens many, many times a day. I will think about my mom, and think how grateful I am for all she has done, and for her presence. I look at my kids faces a many many times, and just think thank you, thank you. Being out side on a nice day, looking at the sky, the clouds, the flowers.. I think you get the point! So if I have this “thank you maker, thank you to who ever made this possible”, getting on my knees and recalling all of the sort of just feels like going through the motions. In the moment it feels more sincere.
I think part of my problem with pray can be explained and the other part can’t. For some reason part of me fights prayers, instinctually I just don’t want to. I can’t explain it, and I have no idea why I am this way. The part I can explain I have, and I also feel no connection what so ever when I pray, a feel it a bit more so when I offer up gratitude when I feel overcome by it. Also I read once in ensign this little article at the back where some one had written it, and sent it in. The person had locked their bike at the store. When they came out they lock wouldn’t work. Either they had to cut the lock, or leave the bike until the next day. They prayed and suddenly a number came to mind, and low and behold it came unlocked. Not to cheapen their experience but I just can’t see why God would answer that some what trivial prayer, and not other very serious and needed ones. I think people chalk it up to the fact that God has his own will, and maybe it is not to our benefit to answer the prayer. That makes me think why ask for anything, not in a childish way, but being serious. If the point of life is to learn, and if we learn when God does not give us everything we want, then why ask for anything. Why not embrace the challenges given to us. I hope that makes sense. I would love to hear your thoughs!
This totally makes sense, and I’ve had similar thoughts. The way I see it, prayer doesn’t change God’s will. Like you say, he’s going to do what he’s going to do. But I think prayer has more of an effect on us. There’s a line from the film ‘Shadowlands’ about CS Lewis where he says something to the effect of “Prayer doesn’t change God, it changes me.” I think it helps us to realize our place in the universe and that we are not in control as much as we’d like to think. Prayer can bind families and communities together as they pray for someone/thing; it can turn our hearts towards others and diminish selfishness (for me, anyway!). It can be really frustrating when we pray so sincerely for something and don’t see an answer or blessing, but maybe the blessing is in the asking? I don’t know. And I love your ‘in the moment’ prayers of gratitude. I think that’s a good place to be in. Best wishes to your mother.
Just thought I would add, I do pray for my mom. I pray she will be fine, that she will be comforted, and I give thanks for having her in my life. It just feels fruitless to me, but I do it anyways. I would do anything to help my mom! Martine wrote:This totally makes sense, and I’ve had similar thoughts. The way I see it, prayer doesn’t change God’s will. Like you say, he’s going to do what he’s going to do. But I think prayer has more of an effect on us. There’s a line from the film ‘Shadowlands’ about CS Lewis where he says something to the effect of “Prayer doesn’t change God, it changes me.” I think it helps us to realize our place in the universe and that we are not in control as much as we’d like to think. Prayer can bind families and communities together as they pray for someone/thing; it can turn our hearts towards others and diminish selfishness (for me, anyway!). It can be really frustrating when we pray so sincerely for something and don’t see an answer or blessing,
but maybe the blessing is in the asking?I don’t know. And I love your ‘in the moment’ prayers of gratitude. I think that’s a good place to be in. Best wishes to your mother.
Thank you so much. I love the thought in bold, beautifully put.When I pray for someone, I picture them in my mind. I focus on feeling love for them. I imagine them being strong, filled with light or hope, healthy, happy, whatever it is they need. I try to feel a sense of giving toward them without expectation of anything in return. Like you, I have a hard time now asking God for specific outcomes. I don’t know if it really works that way. And by “not know” I mean I really don’t know. I could work that way. Perhaps God does give people outcomes we ask for, I could be wrong.
Anyway, I ask for good to happen for other people by seeing them as good, and I will often ask God for His will to be done in regard to them (an act of letting go and believing).
Even better than praying for someone is getting off our butts and physically DOING something to make their life better. That more than anything is “God” in action in the world, and making answers happen to our prayers. But sometimes that isn’t possible due to geography or other circumstance.
I think we can find other ways of praying for people when our old ways start to fail us. The above description is how I changed and adapted. Your mileage may vary.
Brian Johnston wrote:When I pray for someone,
I picture them in my mind. I focus on feeling love for them. I imagine them being strong, filled with light or hope, healthy, happy, whatever it is they need. I try to feel a sense of giving toward them without expectation of anything in return.Like you, I have a hard time now asking God for specific outcomes. I don’t know if it really works that way. And by “not know” I mean I really don’t know. I could work that way. Perhaps God does give people outcomes we ask for, I could be wrong.
Anyway, I ask for good to happen for other people by seeing them as good, and I will often ask God for His will to be done in regard to them (an act of letting go and believing).
Even better than praying for someone is getting off our butts and physically DOING something to make their life better. That more than anything is “God” in action in the world, and making answers happen to our prayers.But sometimes that isn’t possible due to geography or other circumstance. I think we can find other ways of praying for people when our old ways start to fail us. The above description is how I changed and adapted. Your mileage may vary.
You the man, Brian! You’ve got it all, right there. Thanks for that comment!HiJolly
Brian rocks! Great answer. OP, I am so sorry that your mother is battling cancer. Cancer sucks times a million! I know how awful it feels to watch a mother go through it. Luckily, there is so much they can do for cancer that many people survive it (like my mom). Please know my thoughts are with you and her.
I love what’s been said and also have come to a point in my life that I just give thanks. When I feel the need to express myself to my “higher power”, I like just talking out loud or writing it down. Much like posting here, I don’t really know any of you exist but I like the exchange of ideas, both from you all and that I can give too. I too have had difficulty with prayer from time to time. Partly, because of the cognitive dissonance I have from having one mentally ill mom who made prayers sound crazy and one healthy parent who was so sincere in prayer and made it feel you could really talk to God. Sometimes, when I pray, I think about what I would say if I could talk to my dad (he’s deceased now). I could talk to my dad about anything and he was so understanding. If God is supposed to be a loving Heavenly Father (much more perfect than my wonderful dad) then I should be able to talk to Him about anything. And I do that sometimes, but I rarely get an answer right there on the spot like I would with my dad. Sometimes, the answers come through a song I hear on my car radio while driving, a thought going through my head, a book, or scripture, or an email from a stranger out of the blue. (And, even through a posting from someone on Stay.lds)!! Since God is supposed to know our thoughts and wishes already, prayer seems mostly for us and is supposed to be for relationship. But you are right that God (a loving parent) would be watching out for His kids, whether they acknowledget Him or not. I certainly do for my kids, even when they hate me. The way I hear alot of people pray at church (rattling it off, like some ritual that is meaningless), makes me feel like alot of members really do not believe prayer does anything. Jesus set the example of how to pray in the Lords prayer. So, sometimes I say that and sometimes I think about when Jesus said, “Father, why hast thou forsaken me.” Alot of things we will not understand in this earth life. We live by hope and faith. I have asked myself many times why we have to live by faith on this earth. I hate not knowing and would love to be sure of things. I got one good answer to that question from a wise old man. He said, “Because, this way God can see what is in our hearts.” If we knew for sure there was going to be a big reward or big punishment in the next life for how we lived, then we would be good out of fear of punishment or for the big reward. Not knowing for sure lets God know who we really want to be in our hearts. It’s like the saying: “What would you do if you knew no one would find out?”
It’s always been hard for me to pray “formally” on my own, but I have never had a hard time having a prayer continually in my heart. Honestly, I’m still trying to come to grips with more formal prayer, but I have learned to accept the concept that I am a “praying person” – just in a slightly heteroprax way. My wife was diagnosed with cancer little over a year ago. It was devastating news at the time. I prayed that everything would be alright. I pleaded to know what was going on and why this was happening. Without explaining the whole story I will just say this was my tipping point with the church, and its dependance on prayer. I now tend to believe that God interferes very little in the daily events of his children. the whole concept is for us to work it out on our own, the good and the bad. Prayer is good for meditation and getting things off of your chest. But as a source of answers and healing I think it is much overstated. I would never want to tell someone else not to plead with God for a loved one because that may work for them. I however see no evidence that god is healing people left and right due to prayer. Does it happen? I believe it is possible but not a regular thing. Think of an amputee. Suppose someone loses a leg in a car accident. Would we ever pray or provide a blessing for the leg to grow back. Probably not but when it is somekind of internal disease or injury something we can not see we seem to be willing to ask God for a cure. I attribute this to the fact that we know absolutely a leg will not grow back no matter what. But as long as we can not see something happening inside the body we tend to believe it is possible. In other words 99% of all healings could be explained by coincidence. My wife is cured of cancer for now. Did god do it. Maybe but I guarantee if she had not done the chemo, radiation and surgery she would not be here today. So pray to clear your mind and contemplate things. Just tell God what is on your mind that day. But for me I never ask for anything. I just get the impression there is some kind of cosmic force that prevents or inhibits God from interfering in the lives of men. Crap happens and we need to just deal with it the best we can. I am much better off and at peace now with this belief than constantly waiting around for God to “fix” things.
Prayer is such a personal spiritual thing. I think it can effectively be done in so many different ways, I wouldn’t confine your ideas it has to be the way you see all other church people do it or talk about it. If you do what Brian suggested and get up and do something for others, that can be a form of prayer.
I also think my kids benefit from hearing me pray for them, it does bind us together. I also think having a prayer before eating is a good tradition.
My crisis came in similar ways you describe. If prayers weren’t efficacious during my most needed moment, I don’t want them to help me find my car keys.
But I think I have learned more of what faith is and how to use prayer in my own way. Sometimes I really want to. Sometimes I don’t, but carry that prayer in my heart that you spoke of.
I don’t think we have to ritualize it or formalize it. If you think of your mom as much as you say you do, it might comfort her to tell her you pray for her unceasingly, and I think you do.
God bless your mom and you and your relationship together!
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