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I had a great chat with my wife last night as we sort-of watched the Olympics on TV. She knows of my struggles and has encouraged me to take the time and distance I need, if it will help, and has been very supportive. Until last night, she only knew of the Race essay and how that was causing me my cognitive dissonance. Her view of it is “the church said it wrong. They shouldn’t have ‘disavowed’ previous teachings. There has to be a better way to say it.” We’ve had discussions before about gay marriage/Amendment 3/Prop 8, and have both decided that we’re not as hard-core about that issue as we once were. We’ve had discussions about church culture vs. church doctrine and church vs. gospel. We’re on very similar grounds on many of these issues. Last night, for the first time, we talked about peep stones and the Book of Abraham, we talked about polygamy/polyandry and Mountain Meadows. We talked about a lot of the issues that cause so many to have so many issues. She’s able to make a lot better peace with most of it than I am (maybe her “shelf” is bigger/stronger than mine?), but she sees where I’m coming from. And she didn’t make any threats or suggestions or feel betrayed (by me or the church!) or anything else. Guess I got lucky in the wife department.
An understanding, loving spouse is a great blessing. I feel for people without that blessing, but I am grateful my wife is so supportive of me – even though I have no freaking clue why I am so lucky / blessed, except that it has nothing to do with righteousness.
Another core paradox.
Glad your wife is so understanding, Baldzach. That truly is awesome! My wife also sees things a lot the same way I do and I can’t imagine how hard it would be if that were not so. I really feel for those in this forum who don’t have that blessing — it sounds extremely hard if one spouse is a firm TBM without much ability to see broader views.
The first thing I did when I had my life shattering FC years ago was call DH at work. He immediately left work and came home (which wasn’t easy for him to do). He was amazing/supportive and has continued to be amazing all these years. What I’ve found interesting is that even though I’ve told him very little of what precipitated my FC (Masonry/Temple) and all that has followed, he’s gradually come to many of the same conclusions, even though it hasn’t caused a crisis for him. He’s just much more relaxed about stuff. It makes things some much easier for both of us. That’s awesome. I recently had a similar experience with my wife and was blown away by it.
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