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Other than the people on this board, the only person that knows about my struggles is my husband. Today I’m really tired of it. Today I just want to be done with the church.
I have read the excellent advice to take things slowly, and I have been trying to, but today I’m just in the mood to chuck it all.
To be honest with myself, right now my big motivation to stay is because I’m afraid if I don’t I won’t be able to go to my daughters’ temple weddings.
I feel like I want to “come out” especially to my daughters, but that would be so dreadfully hurtful to them. And I can’t explain all my reasoning and feelings without telling them things that may cause them a faith crisis as well.
Those are all valid feelings rebecca. At some point, you need to live life being honest with yourself, not living it for others or putting on a happy face to please others.
Now, one can over-react to those thoughts, and decide to NEVER put on happy faces and just be jerky to people all the time if that is how they feel, never filter honest comments, and generally become selfish. But there are consequences to those choices.
That is why going slow is not designed to please others…it is designed to make sure your emotions don’t rule the day, and you make a rash decision that has lasting consequences.
Being honest with yourself is going slow to make sure that is how you really feel, and you really want to make that decision and you have considered alternative options and want the BEST option for you that will benefit you later. Because you are the only one that has to live with the decisions you make. Others move on in their lives. You live with it.
Have you felt that way consistently for a long time (how long?)…or is this a recent feeling? Are there ways to take a break from church without making permanent choices?
They say that over 80% of members, even faithful members, go inactive at some time in their life. (I have no sources for that, just heard it).
If you feel you need a break for a while…take a break. Leave the door open to wanting to go back some time or wanting to be able to go to your daughters’ weddings some day. That day isn’t today…so it doesn’t have to be decided today. But you could decide to pick something else to do this Sunday, something that uplifts you.
Going slow can be trying different things you can do, without having to write a letter to resign for the church and throw away the good parts of the church you may want to keep. I just know from personal experience that about 2 yrs ago, I could care less about having any status in the church. But this month, I get to ordain my son to be a teacher, and I’m glad I can do that still. I am glad I didn’t do anything two years ago that prevented me from participating with my son this month is something special to us both, even if I have my nuanced way of looking at what the priesthood means to me. Just an example.
What do you think?
Rebeccad- I have been there–but it does get better. Heber’s message is exactly everything I would say. Hang in there. There is joy in the Middle Way.
I feel your pain. I have felt how you feel and will feel that way again (usually every Sunday). Just like you want to see your girls get married I want to see be able to baptize my kids. I have no helpful advice but sometimes it helps just to know that you are not alone especially when it seems like your thoughts and feelings are different than the group (not believing in the church when your family does). Good luck to you! Thank you Heber, your words are so helpful and calming to me. The middle way is not for the faint of heart or the lazy.
So deep breath, and try to get through one more day.
My dad used to tell us all the time: Quote:Don’t do anything when you’re really angry or frustrated. I promise you’ll regret it after all is said and done.
He was a wise man.
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