Questioning

[Anonymous]

Hello all, I’ve been lurking here for a month or so now, and I really like the atmosphere. Here’s a brief rundown of what has brought me here.

I am a lifelong (35 years) member. I have one grandparent who is a convert, but most of my roots go back quite some time in church history. I’ve gone through all the standard church motions up to this point – priesthood, mission, temple marriage, ward / stake callings, etc.

Around my junior year in high school I started searching for a testimony. I did all the usual things to gain one, but never really felt like I had received an answer. Despite that, I convinced myself that I already knew it was true, and relied on some very trivial evidences to support me. That was enough to carry me through a mission, and a few years of marriage, but I still had a nagging desire to have something more concrete. I prayed often for a stronger testimony, but never felt like I got anything.

For the last year or so, I’ve come to the point of realizing that I may never get the answer I’m looking for. I know all lot of people have concerns about church history. My mission had a lot of anti-mormon opposition, so I actually heard most of those things at that time. I feel like I could accept all the history if I could just get that confirmation. And lately, I’ve started to accept that I probably won’t get it. And that brings the history back to the foreground.

So now I’m looking at how to go forward. Leaving the church isn’t an option at this point, nor do I really want to. But more and more I find myself disagreeing with, or at least being skeptical of, things I hear in church. Especially hearing people bear their testimony. In my mind I often say, “I don’t think you really ‘know’ that”.

So, thanks for letting me be a part of this forum. It’s a relief to be able to freely express my thoughts as I move through this stage of life.

[Anonymous]

Have you listened to my podcast. I deal with these issues one by one.

Steven Harper – First Vision

Brant Gardner – BOM translation

Mike Ash – Faith Crisis

Brian Hales – Polygamy/Polyandry

Brad Wilcox – Grace

Way more on the way

You may like my episode TRUE AND LIVING

I have another on Tithing coming out in a few weeks

See if these help

http://mormondiscussion.podbean.com/” class=”bbcode_url”>http://mormondiscussion.podbean.com/

I believe. I no longer know, but I believe and lead with faith. There is room for that

[Anonymous]

Hi fnts! Welcome!

fnts wrote:

I find myself disagreeing with, or at least being skeptical of, things I hear in church. Especially hearing people bear their testimony. In my mind I often say, “I don’t think you really ‘know’ that”.

I know what you mean, I’ve been there it can be frustrating. Today I simply accept that in church settings some people have a different definition of “know” than what I am most comfortable with. I have gotten over the concern that it may give others the wrong idea. I give them the freedom to believe and express what they want (11th article of faith), and I have confidence that my own beliefs, “knowledge”, ideas etc. are between myself and God, and I don’t need to change what I can’t honestly change.

Personally I also think it is healthy to move past the cultural “infallibility” that creeps in. If we think it is wrong to question, if we think any leader cannot be capable of leading others astray, in my opinion we are off track and missing the mark. I see a major purpose of life as the need to search and wrestle with all ideas and issues. All humans are imperfect, if we even momentarily suspended the capacity to fail we violate the divine plan of agency.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to the third great spiritual awakening….it’s called 21st century universalism…and we need Mormons, active Mormons in the church, to be part of it.

Good luck and welcome to staylds.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

[Anonymous]

I feel a lot like you do, fnts. I have never gotten a “confirmation” that any of the church’s teachings are true, or even of God’s existence. I convinced myself to believe anyway despite not receiving answers, even though I asked to know many times. This has been my biggest reason to doubt other things as well. I think I am becoming agnostic.

[Anonymous]

When the church program “works” it can be great. When you are fellowshipped and involved and needed. When all your needs are being met and you are being fed spiritually, socially, etc. then the history and facts aren’t as important. For me, I didn’t care how many wives JS had as long as I could call down the powers of heavenly priesthood to protect and guide my fledgling family – I guess I didn’t want to look the gift horse in the mouth.

It was when tragedy struck that I had to re-examine what exactly I was entitled to by following the program. There can still be value there – but the value is much more subjective than I had supposed.

It helps to redefine the things that people say, or look at it anthropologically, or even with a dose of humor.

[Anonymous]

fnts wrote:

Around my junior year in high school I started searching for a testimony. I did all the usual things to gain one, but never really felt like I had received an answer. Despite that, I convinced myself that I already knew it was true, and relied on some very trivial evidences to support me. That was enough to carry me through….

Hi, fnts –

This site has been a wonderful, safe place for me. I hope you enjoy it. Lots of wise people here.

I realize that at least some of the people saying “I know” are doing it exactly the same way I used to do it, as you describe above. When I open my scriptures, I feel like an alien in my own skin. Who wrote all these notes? Who was so moved by that quote that she gave it prime real estate in the back of her quad? But then I see something that still rings true and useful to me in my present condition. My free fall stops and I feel more composed and confident that I will find my way.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all. It is reassuring to hear from others who have been in my situation. Until now, I have been very reluctant to express any doubt. And if I did it was always in a vague, third person, hypothetical sort of comment – “what would you think of someone who might not totally believe…” The answers I get are totally predictable. “He should read his scriptures more”, “He’s too focused on worldly things”, “He’s a sinner”, etc. So it is refreshing to hear from other’s who have been there.

BDMormon, I will definitely check out those podcasts, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Hi fnts,

Welcome to the community. I find it comforting to know that others feel similar and experience it similarly. I just wanted to tell you that I understand your situation. And I think there are multiple ways to navigate through it.

I also find it very comforting to realize that many many members have similar questions and doubts. More than we think. Because some things really don’t make sense. People deal with it differently, but certainly there is nothing wrong with you because you have those thoughts. Those are there and the questions are real.

Now it is just what you want to do about it. Its your choice. So…glad to have you here and I look forward to learning from your posts as you share your thoughts on things. Its good to have a support group, so this forum is good for that.

Welcome and glad to have you among the rest of us.

[Author]

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