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I am new to this forum. My husband went to church a couple of months ago and they told him to really get to know Christ. That is when he started his journey. He began studying the book of mormon and the bible. He was not looking into anything anti Mormon, but he came across different changes to the book of Mormon. The changes were enough to rethink some things. He has continued his research and has been reading the bible. He sees that there are many inconsistencies between the two. He has also looked at a lot background of the bible and has found it is still in it’s truest form. He has also read a lot about joseph smith. I have also questioned Joseph smith. Some of the things he has done are pretty terrible. It is hard to think a lot of him. My husband has recently told me after studying both books he knows that the church is not true. He has very strong arguments but I still have belief. I like the foundation. I feel like my children learn to be a good person through the church. I was not really raised in the church. It was off and on. He was very active til he was 17. Then 20 years later still is not. I haven’t been very active because it is so hard to take babies. I spend most of my time in the mother’s lounge. I don’t want him to leave the church but who am I to make arguments to why. I have faith in our prophets and the structure of the church. I am feeling very lost. There has been a plan to go through the temple and raise our children in the church. We live in a mostly Mormon community. I kind of feel like my world and future have been taken away. I am feeling lost and really needed his support to really become active. Welcome to the forum. I’m glad you found us. Like your husband, I have discovered the Bible to be more reliable and I agree, even the King James translators seem to have gotten it pretty much correct. I do prefer other translations because of the use of more modern English, but I think the Bible is mostly correct. That said, I’m not a literal believer in much of the Bible – I think the translation is correct but most of the stories are not actually true stories. Nevertheless I think the stories are similar to the parables Jesus gave and they are meant to teach a lesson. I think the Book of Mormon is similar in that respect, I don’t believe it is literal but it has some good moral stories. I have a little side note about that, actually. On Sunday morning the HPGL texted me and asked if I would share who my favorite author is in the BoM and why. I answered that I wasn’t attending the ward Sunday but it did get me to think about that – and I don’t have a favorite BoM author. I do have some stories I like but there are also stories I don’t like and don’t believe. Frankly I’m not s huge fan of the first Nephi, Alma, or even Moroni. But I’m a huge fan of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and the recorded words of Jesus. When I want to learn about and feel closer to Jesus I read the Bible.
Joseph Smith was as imperfect as the rest of us. In some ways he gives me hope because I haven’t done anywhere near some of the stuff he did and if he was actually “favored of God” then there’s certainly hope for me. It also helps me to remember why JS went to pray in the first place – it was not to find out which church to join, it was to ask for forgiveness of his sins. I dislike how JS is often put on a pedestal as a demigod.
Is the church true? I don’t even know what the heck that means. I see value and truth in all churches and all religions and I see that the LDS church does not have all truth either. And we’ve clearly made mistakes and gotten some things wrong in the past.
My wife was more or less in your position when I had my faith crisis (she was and remains active and believing). I get it, it’s not what you signed up for. I’m sorry about that. The children went to church with her every Sunday and I know that was sometimes very challenging for her. President Uchtdorf is right – the church does have many “people who yearn to know and draw closer to their Savior by serving God and fellowmen, just like you.”
Your post title does sum it up – some questions really don’t have answers. I hope we can help you and that you can help us.
Some (many) people need something to be non-fiction and historical in order to find meaning. Was the earth really created in 7 days? What about the dinosaurs? Does that ruin the genesis account? To some it does and they come up with weird explanations like dinosaur bones being transported here from other planets. It sounds like your husband is stuck in this true/false dichotomy. He sees the BoM and LDS church as false and the Bible and general Christianity as true. In some ways the bible is clearly more historical than the BoM. We have fairly compelling external evidence that many of the Bible places and people actually existed – even if the stories about them may have been expanded into myth.
The Good news is that your husband seems to believe strongly in Jesus. That is good and wonderful. The teachings of Jesus are worthy to build your lives on. Maybe you are a Mormon Christian and he is more of a non-Mormon Christian. Build on common beliefs. Maybe study the new testament together or do Christ centered FHE. Pray together as a couple and a family. Create a home environment that is framed with the Christian principles of Love, Service, and Forgiveness.
This may take some adjustment, but I would look for the good and positive in your husband as he is. Praise him for the positive presence that he is in your home. Praise him for the role model that the is for your kids. Praise him for being good and responsible in working and providing for the family. Life is too short to spend it lamenting about temple marriages. If that is in your future, great. But if not, do not dismiss and minimize what you have now by focusing on what you do not have.
My opinion only – your mileage may vary.
Skeeter19 wrote:
He has very strong arguments but I still have belief. I like the foundation. I feel like my children learn to be a good person through the church. I was not really raised in the church.
I’m sorry you are feeling lost, but I think you can hold on to these feelings you have as you work through it as a family.
The good news is that you don’t have to be 100% in or 100% out of the church. You can pick and choose the reasons to be involved or to relax and be only partially involved. The church is there for your family, not the other way around.
Perhaps your husband feels supported and appreciates when you acknowledge to him that he makes good arguments and those questions have no good answers…kind of agree with him when he is finding out stuff that seems to shed more light on subjects.
But even still…church is more than just what Joseph Smith did. There are benefits to being involved in a good organization…even if you feel it is a little less perfect than people want it to be. It is good for children to be raised with values the church can teach, and it is good for those children to have parents that can keep an open mind and have a loving and non-judgmental slant to the things that are said in church.
Our family has had great discussions when the teenagers come home hearing something questionable at church, and they see their parents at home have a reasonable response to it…even if it goes against what others say at church. It is good for kids to see that we all wrestle with the Lord and forge our own feelings and spiritual lessons.
Cling to the things you love about church, and let go of the things that don’t work for your family. Focus on love. That is the gospel.
What are some of your favorite things about church you don’t want to lose? Are you ready to be that snake that sheds the old skin…ready to grow and move forward anew?
You may have many things in your learning and experiences that help others coming behind you on this journey. Feel free to share on the board and disucss.
I look forward to learning from your posts.
Hi Skeeter, I’m sorry to hear about this tough transition. I feel like I’m in many ways in the same place as your husband. My wife wants to be active, and I want to support her. I take her every Sunday, and attend all the meetings I can. But with a baby keeping her in the mother’s lounge, and her knowing my position, it has been hard on her. We’re still trying to work out a perfect solution. It’s a difficult situation to be in.
Have you expressed your desire and concerns with your relief society president? I know they have been a huge help to my wife, getting her visiting teaching, and fellowship. If you can develop strong relationships within the ward, I think it’ll get a little easier. I know for me, being the non-believer that I am, if the ward reaches out and fellowships me all the same, I find it all the better.
The other thing that has really helped us is to find a happy medium in our family. We alternate spiritual thoughts for FHE. She doesn’t make me read from the Book of Mormon as a family, but we still pray. We’ve agreed our kids are going to hear both sides, without arguing, and let them decide for themselves. There are lots of ways to raise good, moral, spiritually-healthy kids without teaching them a literal belief in Joseph Smith or the Book of Mormon. Jesus taught in parables, and for me that’s the reality of most of the Church’s teachings. Just because it might not be true, doesn’t mean their isn’t value. A happy middle way can be found.
dande48 wrote:
A happy middle way can be found.
:thumbup: Exactly. Although…that isn’t to be found at church as a path available. No one really explains how to find that middle ground. It seems we each find our own path and what works for our situation on our own. But I think God is proud of us when we can figure that stuff out on our own without needing church leaders to spoon feed us any longer. We can figure it out. God let’s us try and work out things on our own, I think.
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