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Totally agree with all here. I can’t imagine any “normal” teenager being at all excited about mission realities before going. I am glad that at least now it’s public what a real mission is about. Hopefully these kinds of pre-commit disclosures will help kids and adults make personal decisions with eyes wide open. Also would be good to do something similar with anyone going to the temple. By the time we find out what any of this is like it’s too late. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
lotsofgray wrote:Hopefully these kinds of pre-commit disclosures will help kids and adults make personal decisions with eyes wide open.
I’m kind of mixed on this. It is good to have standards and guidelines. I just don’t think I have a lot of trust in leaders to apply it when there can be a culture of perfection and raising the bar and higher standards to try to out do the prior generations in the name of progress. I don’t want to make growing up as a teenager in my family to be so sterile and boring and safe that it also removes the fun of living a normal life.
While I’m sure this letter was written to address certain problems mission presidents are now facing, I just think it introduces new problems, and doesn’t address certain problems that will always be there.
I guess it is the administrative part of church that just is something we deal with by being part of the club.
It just has this feeling to me of a broad stroke of warning to all youth that freaks out a lot of people unnecessarily…when really what they need is to handle specific problems with individuals in a direct way…not passively making sweeping rules that take all the fun out of everything for everyone (think…lowest common denominator…like everybody totally 100% abstain from all alcohol because there are a few drunks that ruin the fun for the rest of us responsible adults..seems a bit extreme and unnecessary).
I will keep preparing my youngest son to properly get ready for a mission…and try to teach at home the values I think are important and help him navigate through church without becoming a drone with unhealthy guilt and shame. I can’t trust church leaders or even youth leaders. I need to teach these kids at home the important things in life…which also includes…the option to not serve a mission…which is a totally valid option for many, I think.
If they are sending a message that a mission just isn’t for everyone…maybe that is ok. Maybe that is what I should teach at home. Choose to, or not. It is ok either way.
Quote:“Choose to or not. It’s ok either way.”
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This.
Reuben wrote:
It could also be to protect missionaries from gossip and protect their reputations among members.I can imagine a variant of this instruction that allows missionaries to disclose minor sins. The definition of “minor” would be hard to agree on and express in a few words, though.
Another reason might be to dissuade missionaries from bragging about all the bad stuff they did.
Too bad these are just guesses. As in so many other policies, it would be nice to have the motivation. How do you keep the spirit of the law if you don’t know what it is?
Good guesses, and good point.
Salt Lake Tribune, Kirby’s list of 16 questions: http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/kirby/2017/10/28/here-are-kirbys-16-interview-questions-to-see-if-mormon-young-people-truly-are-ready-to-serve-missions/ ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/kirby/2017/10/28/here-are-kirbys-16-interview-questions-to-see-if-mormon-young-people-truly-are-ready-to-serve-missions/ His last question is perfect – and the others are perfectly hilarious. People said I “died” when I went on my mission. Apparently, I was charismatic, warm, and friendly before hand. I did win every popularity Ward in my high school — Valedictorian, King of the Prom, Citizenship Award. And I was immensely popular without even trying. But the constant rejection and criticism in the mission area I served (it was full of anti-Mormons) affected me. I didn’t have great self-esteem, and it affected it. As well as being thrust into leadership situations where the local leaders didn’t trust you or respect you until a long “proving” process. It was a bit shock from being a lighthearted young adult to being thrust into a hard core sales position. It was hard, but I grew kind of withdrawn and actually saw a counselor for self-esteem at LDS Social Services during the mission.
When I came home, I remember calling someone in our Ward. She had a weird middle name “Revan” on the ward list. So, when I called her to ask her to do something, I called and opened with “I’m calling to confirm your middle name is Revan”. She laughed really hard and said “People have said over and over again that since you’ve come home from your mission you’ve ‘lost it’. But that’s the old Silentdawning I used to know!”.
So, it was still there — my charisma, but no one has ever called me that since. People told me I’d grown serious and cautious in my conversation. As I’ve aged, i think I’ve gained some charisma back through the knowledge I’ve gained and greater self-awareness. And also through my wide and varied interests and knowledge through study. But I believe that missions aren’t for everyone. They can rob you of your youth prematurely.
And if I may — the phrase “the prophets will never lead us astray” doesn’t hold true again. Remember SWK said “every worthy young man should serve a mission”? Not so based on the questions above. You have to have certain health and mental requirements, so EVERY WORTHY young man should NOT serve a mission. So, SWK wasn’t correct was he? Just a BY messed up on the priesthood ban?
That’s why I say again, consider the words of the prophets, listen honestly, but in the end, live by your conscience.
Love Kirby’s questions. He lives on the edge. I hope he doesn’t get kicked out with his comments, which are very cynical to the church. But funny.
I suspect most youth are utterly blindsided by the demands of a mission. I know I was. I sort of viewed the mission as this void/timeskip I had to plan around. There is not a whole lot that can prepare young people for mission politics, 60+ hour work weeks, isolation, and endless rejection. I don’t think I can blame my mission for my depression, but it certainly didn’t help. The never-ending stream of obedience being crammed down my throat was very distressing to me because I’m hard on myself and I take that kind of thing very seriously. 60+ hour work weeks were killer and I got burned out.
I just wish the church would stop treating the inevitable burnout like it’s a good thing. I recall one story told before my mission of a young man who came home tired and with worn out everything and his bishop commended him for working hard. He said if a missionary comes home not tired, he did something wrong.
In some cases, missionaries become so ingrained in being constantly busy that when they get home they have no idea how to relax or they feel sinful for not being productive. That happened to my best friend. He became quite the workaholic in his 3 years at BYU after his mission. He even told me that in the 3 months between his mission and school, he felt like a sinner whenever he had free time. (He took his mission even more seriously than I did.)
The rules and insane working hours are not good for mental health IMO. Stress piles up over time. Missionaries simply do not have enough ways to relieve their stress, nor do they have enough time to be able to do it properly.
If I were making the rules, I’d do it like this:
– One full day off each week and on major holidays. These are full disengagement days. Media rules are greatly relaxed: they are allowed to play video games, watch TV and movies. They can play sports without their nametags on. Proselyting is not allowed on this day, though they are allowed to be fed by members/investigators and would be expected to dress up for that. Giving them a healthy, regular outlet for stress relief will keep them out of trouble better than endless streams of obedience coercion.
– Dedicate one morning each week (before noon or so) to taking care of living necessities such as shopping, laundry, and cleaning. Another 2-hour block on a different day of the week should be used for contacting family (I like the idea of once/month calls to family, but that isn’t practical in all missions). Separating P-Day from disengagement day will help solve a lot of problems I saw on my mission. One is that mission apartments don’t get cleaned very regularly because the missionaries are eager to disengage and only have about 4 hours of R&R each week.
– Sundays should be spent with members and appointments with investigators. Do not actively look for new people to teach on Sunday.
– Door-to-door cold-contacting is not allowed under any circumstances. If you find someone other than the person you were looking for, ask for that person and if they are not available, do not try to turn it into a finding/teaching opportunity.
– Wards should maintain proper do not call lists which the missionaries are required to respect.
– Always take no for an answer. You are a teacher and a guide, not a salesman. Respect the agency of others.
– Give as much service as possible when you are not teaching. It’s fine if you take use opportunities to teach, but make it clear that it’s no-strings-attached service.
– Change the Elders’ dress standards to be more on the order of business casual. True, suits bring a sort of “authoritative” feel, but they are also very intimidating as a result because most people (at least in the West) have come to associate suits with business executives, politicians, and lawyers, which of course have unsavory associations. Meanwhile, Sisters are often dressed in bright cheery colors. Elders should still dress up for church, however.
– Make sure your investigators know what they would be agreeing to by being baptized before suggesting a baptismal date. IMO, they should not be allowed to be baptized until they have been investigating for at least 3 months unless outside forces (perhaps moving back to China) require it to be sooner. They have a whole lifetime to get baptized. There is no need to rush it. Sure a lot of people get talked out of it during the time between setting a baptismal date and the baptism itself, but long-term investigating converts, in my experience, are much stronger in the gospel than those who got baptized quickly.
I guess that’s getting off topic.
Missions are hardcore. They don’t need to be. They would likely do just as much good, with fewer side effects, if we lower the demands on missionaries. I don’t think the insane demands are what makes them more spiritual; it’s the gospel immersion and teaching that brings missionaries closer to God.
My mission changed me. It brought out parts of my personality I was not aware of… But it took me quite some time to be normal again. It took me almost a year to begin to come to terms with my disobedient moments on my mission and probably another year after that to fully forgive myself. Then I started redpilling LDS culture.
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