RE: No More Christian Nice Guy by Paul Couglin

[Anonymous]

Paul Couglin, I believe is an Evangelical/Protestant Christian. No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice-Instead of Good Hurts, Men, Women, and Children was written in 2005, and published by Bethany House: Minneapolis, MN. 224 Pages. The book is geared toward helping passive Christian men or “Christian Nice Guys” (CNG’s). The overall message is great, though it doesn’t seem like it is written for all men. What I like is that it does strike out against what Couglin believes are the three common forces that encourage male passivity:

1. A Cultural prejudice that shames men for being men

2. An unbiblical protrayal of Jesus as passive and weak

3. Childhood difficulties that create a passive mindset brought into adult life, often undetected.

The inside dust jacket states: “Paul Couglin unveils a better way with a powerful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above the prevailing views of church and culture. Discover who you are in Christ and how you can be happier–along with hose who love and depend on you. And you will see that God, who you thought was your greatest critic, is really your strongest advocate.”

I am rereading a book that I read when I was going through my divorce. My first attempt was to see if not living up to this book was the reason for my divorce. Now, this book conveys to me one of the biggest reasons why I don’t always feel comfortable at church. I have a few quotes that are aimed at church (I construed this as any Christian church and not just evangelical).

In his discussion of Guilt versus Shame, Couglin writes, “This is why people with troubled pasts should avoid churches that make them feel ashamed for being human.” Page 80

Some of my other favorite quotes that slam churches in general and what they teach in relation to men are the following:

“The church tells Christian men to lead, but then strips them of the emotional power to do so by warning them to be ‘moderate in all things’ and keeping them fearful about upsetting their wives.” Pp. 96-97.

“ . . . [N]o man in his right mind gets married solely to serve; he has wishes, needs, and desires as well. The church has told him this is selfish and sinful.” P. 92.

As quoted in No More Christian Nice Guy:

“The church encourages Christian men to be passive, and this leads to broken relationships and opportunities. Christians are taught that it’s sinful to tell others what one really thinks and feels. This is damaging because people are naturally expressive.” P. 92

“The unfortunately common church response to weak Christian men is to throw words at them. It does no good to tell a CNG to ‘be a man,’ to ‘just get over it,’ to ‘pray more.’ We wouldn’t be so callous with a woman’s pain, but we are with a man’s.” P. 88

In what is my third reading of this book, I am trying to find anything that either correlates positively or negatively to Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk from October General Conference 2012. When I heard Elder Christofferson’s talk, I thought yeah the evangelicals beat you to this subject by 7 years, and they did a great job and I believe at least 90% of what the book is about. I believe that the protestant culture shares some of the same overarching postulations about men within the LDS Church. All though this may not be true everywhere, it seems Couglin is writing in response to the feminist movement and how it changed men’s roles even within the church itself. Overall, I think this is a great read for any man that considers himself a Christian; Mormon, Catholic, Protestant, or whatever. I know in some ways I personally fit into the mold of someone who needs to put off being a Christian nice guy and to become a good/better man.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like an interesting read. Thanks for the review.

[Author]

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