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I almost wanted to label the subject insulted, but I didn’t because there is a bigger picture here. What just happened though is an insult to me, and it has to do with home teaching. I can name my past home teachers by name and I’m grateful for most of them. Nevertheless, I have discovered the biggest flaw in home teaching that appears to be a flaw in much of church work in general – being assigned. I know how it feels to be the person that you are assigned to as a home teaching family. I am an obligation to someone each month, not a true friend. I am an inconvenience.
Here is how the story goes. I was assigned to home teach one of my home teachers. The family was difficult to schedule with so I decided to go see them on my son’s fast offering route. Not only did I not visit them, but the person did not even open the door when they were home to “face the fast offering”. This is an active member of the ward mind you and someone I felt comfortable around at church and would chit-chat with on a weekly basis.
Today, the senior companion (it seems there is always someone who is like the insurance salesman type who makes sure the can set up an appointment and actually visit you in the home), confirms the appointment with me. As the pre-determined time comes, I notice that Mr. Senior companion doesn’t have his companion with him (the guy that wouldn’t let me home teach him, or pay his fast offering). I ask, “where is so-and-so,” and I get the answer that he has moved. Okay let’s see someone who is your home teacher doesn’t even have the audacity to tell you they are moving, but just moves. I know he probably hated our ward because we were not “good” enough or affluent enough, but I am insulted realizing that I am just an obligation, and home teaching has again left a bad taste in my mouth.
Am I easily offended? Perhaps. Now I have envy for the Catholic godparent system, where you actually have someone who cares that is unrelated to you and they are your home teacher for life, no matter if they move, or you move. This scenario that happened to me is the biggest problem with home teaching.
I agree with the assigned problem….Me no like anymore. People get reassigned and they don’t even bother to tell you. It shows how much the assignment meant to them. Now, to simply have infrastructure in place to meet the needs of people in the Ward when there is a problem — a bona fide problem or need — then I think it’s a great program. As a former priesthood leader, I know how it can be taxing to meet all those needs yourself. And we are supposed to try to help each other.
But for regular visits when there isn’t a natural affinity for each other, well, then I have problems with it. I have long believed that home teaching is a tired, worn out program that needs to be changed. Won’t go into it here, but I’ve long felt that. I have stopped doing it unless there is a valid need.
There’s an important difference between “being a Home Teacher” and “doing your home teaching”. Unfortunately, most members (including leaders) don’t see that difference anymore, ime. Instead of understanding and following the core purpose of it, we now too often see it as a “program” – and programs are impersonal. It’s too bad, because, done right (and I have not done it right very often throughout my life, just to make that clear) it really is a good thing. Oh, and fwiw, I’ve never notified the inactive people I was home teaching when I moved. Those who attended church have known, but those who didn’t were unaware of it. If that makes me a contemptuous bastard, I’m sorry. I just never thought about doing it; it literally never crossed my mind.
I was thinking more about the active members you actually get an opportunity to set up a relationship with through visits. I remember one conversation I heard between an active lady and an an active priesthood holder. She said to him in the hall “Why haven’t you come around these last few months”. He replied “Oh, I’m not doing it anymore, I was reassigned”. Now, I think calling the guy a contemptuous bstard is an overstatement though. But it shows that a programmatic approach to love tends to produce compliant dutiful behavior, but not real charity in some cases.
One word: Voluntold Perfect! 
:clap: The concept of HT is divine. The application of the concept is not. It’s another example of the church trying and wanting to fit everyone into the same box. Some folks, just don’t like people, and don’t want to be friends of social with other ward members.
I know because I am one of them. I
It doesn’t work, and for the church leaders to ASSIGN folks to basically be friends to a family under the claim of revelation is dumb.
If HT is a celestial law and calling — count me out. Well, according to LDS doctrine – I’m already bound for the TK, so, I should be okay.
🙂 Quote:Now I have envy for the Catholic godparent system, where you actually have someone who cares that is unrelated to you and they are your home teacher for life, no matter if they move, or you move. This scenario that happened to me is the biggest problem with home teaching.
I have a god daughter (nb NOT Catholic) and I can assure you that it’s nothing like HT. I’m kind of her honorary uncle.
On the other hand, my own god parents have disappeared from my life for at least two decades. I don’t even know where they live, or who they all are. Only one of them, my god mother ever played any kind of part in my life (nb – there were more than two). My god daughter’s other three god parents have all disappeared as well, I’m the only one that keeps an eye out for her, and gets her stuff for her birthday and Christmas.
cwald wrote:The concept of HT is divine. The application of the concept is not. It’s another example of the church trying and wanting to fit everyone into the same box.
Some folks, just don’t like people, and don’t want to be friends of social with other ward members.
I know because I am one of them. I
It doesn’t work, and for the church leaders to ASSIGN folks to basically be friends to a family under the claim of revelation is dumb.
If HT is a celestial law and calling — count me out. Well, according to LDS doctrine – I’m already bound for the TK, so, I should be okay.
🙂
that is one of your more incoherent posts… was this influenced by a generous quantity of hausbrau?i think HT is divine…and a celestial law and calling. it’s consecration and stewardship in its most essential form when done correctly… and that means: listening, loving, and caring for the one. it aint about lessons, its about edifying thos who need edification. it is the most essential and basic essence of the second greatest and only commandment.
wayfarer wrote:cwald wrote:The concept of HT is divine. The application of the concept is not. It’s another example of the church trying and wanting to fit everyone into the same box.
Some folks, just don’t like people, and don’t want to be friends of social with other ward members.
I know because I am one of them. I
It doesn’t work, and for the church leaders to ASSIGN folks to basically be friends to a family under the claim of revelation is dumb.
If HT is a celestial law and calling — count me out. Well, according to LDS doctrine – I’m already bound for the TK, so, I should be okay.
🙂
that is one of your more incoherent posts… was this influenced by a generous quantity of hausbrau?i think HT is divine…and a celestial law and calling. it’s consecration and stewardship in its most essential form when done correctly… and that means: listening, loving, and caring for the one. it aint about lessons, its about edifying thos who need edification. it is the most essential and basic essence of the second greatest and only commandment.
🙂 Yeah, maybe. I’ve slurred my posts because of alcohol intoxication before.What I MEANT to say, is I think the ideal is good. But the church can’t expect to just assign a person to be friends with another person, just because they are in the same ward. It doesn’t work like that, and to be honest, there have been many many people in my wards and branches that I don’t like and don’t want to have any contact with.
Even the branch members I do like, I don’t want to have anything to do with them outside of church…so don’t ask me to be responsible for them under the auspice of a HT calling coming directly from god.
I believe home teaching is divine, but Ray is right. People of the church often do it more out of duty than love. The only way I see home teaching ending in the church is if we all in general did more fellow-shipping with everybody in our wards, branches, and stakes. But we have a long ways to go with that due to personality differences, other responsibilities, and other issues in life. I think there is a part of human nature that makes it seem difficult to do home teaching unless it is a duty to do it and a pressure that worthy devotion to God includes fulfilling assignments. Taken by itself, those are not pure motives to serve another person. Realistically, however, for a ward to be organized and in order, this becomes a necessity and is better than little or no service. In my experience, I find most home teachers have a good heart. They are motivated out of duty, but try their hardest to make it sincere and kind and worthwhile. It is not perfection. I am ok with less than perfection, because people are trying to do what they can do and offer as much as they can offer in their busy lives filled with so many competing duties.
My son and I are assigned two active families in our ward. We make and keep our monthly appointments with them. We absolutely love these families and love looking after them and their needs. However, my favorite assignment is the 3 inactive, disinterested, wayward, whatever you want to call them members that are also assigned to me. One of them is a Christian Family that actively promotes the “Mormons are not Christian” line. I actively love and “home teach” them multiple times a month even though they have no knowledge of my assignment. My visits have consisted of anonymously mowing their yards, pulling in their trash can’s, having a friendly chat with them about the local sports teams, asking about their children and remembering their names and birthdays, having them over for a swim or BBQ, or discussing their careers, family and successes or shortcomings. I’m not even sure then know that I am LDS. For me, this is the essence of decipleship. Between God and I, he knows that I love and look after them. It brings me great joy and satisfaction love and serve this way without acknowledgment. By no means am I perfect at this or even the best home teacher, I just find that this is something that makes me happy to do whether a leader gives me an assignment or not. I am sorry that you had a bad experience and/or got offended. That is a difficult situation and it is understandable. Hopefully things are better now. :thumbup: Thanks for sharing HRHB. Great example of how it can work, and why it still is a good thing to strive for, even if it isn’t always a positive experience for all. I’m not so sure it’s a great program to have to go see everyone every month. But when there is a legitimate need, it’s great to have an infrastructure in place to deal with the problems that come up. Right now I have two elderly families that have me busy. With legitimate needs. I don’t seem to mind. But when I have to fight and kick and scream to get in to see families who don’t want to see me, well, then the program becomes a burden.
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