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Yesterday i received a text message on Facebook messenger from my missionary son who is serving in Spain. He has been out just past 18 months now. I immediately wondered if something happened or was wrong….Why was he messaging me? Was he breaking rules…oh crap…is my son a rule-breaker missionary?!
No…actually…quite the opposite. He is Mr Rule-follower and obedient and enjoying every moment of his mission and the structure it gives him to succeed and feel good about himself.
Interestingly…my son said they had an General Authority come through and talk to their mission and was talking to all western European missions. One thing he told them…
Quote:“It’s time in the church we relax on some of the rules that aren’t necessary.”
This could be just that GA. It could be just that region. It could be limited to missionary things and not to be read into too much.
But it meant on Pdays missionaries would have access to message and facebook family and friends back home as much as they want. Our whole family jumped online and we chatted like it was mother’s day. It was so fun…and
legal!My son can even call me to talk about University applications he may need to get in soon. Also…they will be getting more mobile devices to all missionaries. Instead of a companionship sharing a smartphone, they’ll each be getting their own. Interesting. I wondered if this theme will go throughout the church…that it is time to relax on some rules. Coffee even comes to mind…they could relax on that being something necessary for TRs. I mean, if church was cut to 2 hours and HT is relaxed to be more ministering, are they seeing the need to relax before losing too many people?
Has anyone else heard of leadership sending the message R-E-L-A-X in your area?
If they were to relax…which rules do you see would be good to go?
This is awesome. Simply wonderful. Not R.E.L.A.X yet but I did post that Africa is doing church differently for families who live too far from a church or have to cross through a town that isn’t safe. They are full on Home-Churching, sacrament and all. On the mission front, it is still leadership roulette. Our local mission president is iron fisted. He just cut back service hours, sent out a diatribe about when meals will be, and more. He keeps passports, and is a real piece of work. Even my SP is finding the MP hard to deal with. Last year we used all the missionaries during our community service weeks. It was a huge help. Young, able bodied, people – a big gift. Not this year.
I am thrilled for your son and family.
That’s great, Heber, and I totally agree. My missionary son (not in Europe) would convey such news to us if he heard it. He did say they have a GA coming this week. BUT, judging by what’s happening here where I live (Northeast US) exactly the opposite is happening at least as far as missionaries are concerned. We got a new MP in July and there are tons more rules added to the already tons of extra rules. Good for your son, sad (and I mean that, I often feel sad for them) for the elders and sisters here in the North America Northeast Area (our local elders have indicated that many of the new rules come from them, not directly from our MP, although I am not overly impressed with our MP). We just had stake conference with a pretty black and white sounding AA who was also very missionary focused. No indication of lightening up from him either.
Quote:some of the rules … aren’t necessary
:clap: :clap: :clap: I’ve noticed that all too often the rules harm the obedient, without helping the disobedient. The people the rules are meant to rein in often just don’t care about the rules, and will continue to disregard them no matter how many rules you have or how strict you make them. Meanwhile, those who do follow the rules end up beating themselves up with perfectionism and scrupulosity, when they probably would have done just fine without any rules. WAHOO!!! I sure hope they relax more. The missionaries in our area aren’t allowed to have dinner after 5:00pm, which makes it next to impossible to feed them. They’re not getting enough of a stipend for groceries, and so they’re just… starving. Our current mission president is kind of a ***** (insert favorite naughty word here). We need to make the lives of missionaries much easier. There are so many rules which bring unnecessary hardship.
Arrakeen wrote:
I’ve noticed that all too often the rules harm the obedient, without helping the disobedient. The people the rules are meant to rein in often just don’t care about the rules, and will continue to disregard them no matter how many rules you have or how strict you make them. Meanwhile, those who do follow the rules end up beating themselves up with perfectionism and scrupulosity, when they probably would have done just fine without any rules.
I feel the exact same way and was thinking of posting something similar. Basically the opposite outcome of:
Heber13 wrote:
He is Mr Rule-follower and obedient and enjoying every moment of his mission and the structure it gives him to succeed and feel good about himself.
I was Mr. Rule-follower and obedient but I never felt happy, scrupulosity set in during my mission and is set in hard. The structure ended up making me fell worse about myself.
Maybe it’s certain personality types but I struggled to feel god’s approval, always feeling like I wasn’t enough, even though I followed the rules. I’m sure having “exact obedience” in my ear and permeating my thoughts had a great deal to do with that.
I do think there are personality types where not being 100% obedient in all things is like water off a ducks back, the culture’s fixation on obedience probably doesn’t do much harm for those types but there are others where the culture’s fixation does a lot of harm.
Scenario A: A month ago I texted my family for 10 minutes while on my mission. I felt guilt and shame. I felt horrible. I felt god’s disapproval. I broke the mission rules.
Scenario B: Today I texted my family for 10 minutes while on my mission. It was okay. The GA said so.
There’s nothing about texting family that makes god angry, it’s not a question of morals. The only difference? Some leader gave permission. That’s the difference between having anxiety over whether god accepts you and it being no big deal. At that age it’s hard to have confidence in god giving us direct permission.
dande48 wrote:
Our current mission president is kind of a ***** (insert favorite naughty word here).
Does “Mormon” work?
Arrakeen wrote:
I’ve noticed that all too often the rules harm the obedient, without helping the disobedient. The people the rules are meant to rein in often just don’t care about the rules, and will continue to disregard them no matter how many rules you have or how strict you make them. Meanwhile, those who do follow the rules end up beating themselves up with perfectionism and scrupulosity, when they probably would have done just fine without any rules.
In my mission, the only music allowed was “MoTab”, Hymns, or Gospel Library CD’s. I acquired some Relief Society or Young Women CD’s that didn’t quite fit any of those categories but uplifted and inspired us sisters. I remember having a conversation with my mission president about it – I am not sure if I half-asked/half-told him what I was doing, or asked for permission after the fact. He basically authorized my exception (there may have been some gentle eye-rolling on his part). The gist of it was an acknowledgement that the music didn’t fit the letter of the law, but did fit the spirit of the law, so I could do what I was going to do – but he wasn’t going to change the entire mission rules because doing so would create more confusion for everyone else. If anyone else was interested, they could talk to him about it like I had, or it was a non-issue.
Arrakeen wrote:
I’ve noticed that all too often the rules harm the obedient, without helping the disobedient. The people the rules are meant to rein in often just don’t care about the rules, and will continue to disregard them no matter how many rules you have or how strict you make them. Meanwhile, those who do follow the rules end up beating themselves up with perfectionism and scrupulosity, when they probably would have done just fine without any rules.
What rules do we have now in our wards that would help us feel better if we relaxed them?
Heber13 wrote:
What rules do we have now in our wards that would help us feel better if we relaxed them?
The first that comes to mind is the “no socializing in the sacred chapel”. I remember a while ago watching as people chatted after sacrament meeting in little groups and I thought to myself, this is the gospel in action. Maybe the social portion of the gospel, but still. Other times someone will start to shut off the lights as a gentle reminder to leave. Just like the church building is just a building, the chapel is just a room.
They come into our chapel every day and use the family history computers. Often leave a mess and the windows open at night. Not all good! I can tell you that while my son was in a stateside mission while awaiting a visa to his assigned mission, there was no relaxing of rules. In fact, one large reason that he is now home is that when he was struggling with adjusting to mission life, the mission president cracked down mission-wide on communication to and from home. They were allowed to send and receive one letter/email per person per week. That was the last straw for my son, and triggered other issues that resulted in him getting sent home. The irony here is that he said that a majority of the missionaries he was exposed to (he was only there a month) all had “burner” or secret phones that were not monitored or controlled by the mission. In my interactions with the mission president I found him to be a loving, caring, and thoughtful man. I felt his love for my son. That said, I was extremely frustrated (and remain so) with what occurred. Even my reasonably orthodox TBM DW has struggled with the two year mission commitment coupled with the lack of communication allowed. Maybe my son would still be on his mission had we been able to talk through some of his issues. We’ll never know. And that is frustrating for all of us.
I look forward in hope that there will be alternative options soon for missionary service (non-proselytizing options, shorter terms, etc). Can you imagine a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Humanitarian effort coupled with the labor of tens of thousands of young men and women!?
As for relaxing rules for the rest of us, this is what I hope for (even though it may be too late for me):
1) Lets enforce the WoW as being moderate in all our habits and focus on healthy lifestyles
2) Since the church can build or purchase billion-dollar real estate developments all over the country (and perhaps the world) lets move on from tithing and focus on fast offerings, humanitarian, missionary funds and other needs for the people around us and in the world.
3) The unwritten rules of white shirts for men and dresses for women. Generally acceptable professional dress standards should be enough
4) The unwritten rules regarding facial hair and hair length for men, and earrings for women.
How about we focus more as a collective on what’s on the inside and not outward actions and appearance.
**edit**
Interesting update to missionary service:
https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-changes-recommendation-process-young-missionaries ” class=”bbcode_url”> https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-changes-recommendation-process-young-missionaries The following went out last night to all the wards in our Stake. Quote:From the Mission President:
Beginning December first, the general authorities and area Presidents have directed that Missionaries will be responsible for their own dinners Monday through Friday.
This is to allow the Missionaries to use the hours from 5-7pm to find new investigators, since these hours are when people are usually home.
Missionaries are to eat in their own apartments between 4pm and 4:45pm.
Out ready to work by 5.
lunches may be provided by members, a maximum of 1/2 hour for the meal.
Tuesday, p-day, suppers May be provided by members, however the Missionary should be out the door before 6pm.
Saturday and Sunday dinners can be provided by members
Preferably less active members or part member families.
To help with this change and to encourage healthy eating habits, A crock-pot will be provided for each apartment.
Holiday meals can be shared with members.
There is much about this I like. Back in the day part of the mission experience was the personal growth arena. Grocery shopping, food planning & prep, financial planner, etc. This gets back to that.
However, the reason they are out by 5? Proselyting. If anyone besides my neighbors shows up during dinner hours I get grumpy – be they missionaries (JW’s included), kids holding fundraisers, the local “I am working for…”. If you are knocking on my door at dinner – you better be having an emergency.
I also chuckle at “Preferably less active members or part member families” are the suggested dinner providers.
How in heavens name would a less active family even know which dinner slots need to be filled. And more so, if they are less active, they sure as heck don’t want to host the missionaries. Just sayin’. I know I am married to one.
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