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I feel as if throughout my life, religion has consumed me. Rather than being a part of my identity, Mormonism wasmy identity. There were never more than a few of us at my school. At home, everything we did, every conversation we held, was touched by religion. My family moved out of state several times throughout my teen years, and my parents come from opposite sides of the country. My cultural roots lie in Mormonism. The ward family, or the US east of the Mississippi, is the closest I can come to identifying as a “home” place. If I choose to stay LDS, I would like religion to take up a healthier space in my life. I want the church to be a complement to, not the entirety of, my life.
Has anyone else experienced a process of this sort? I suspect that religion, or at least faith, will always be important to me. However, I feel like I need to put religion “back in it’s place,” more or less. Partially, I think this comes from a desire to renegotiate my place with the church in general. In this way, this is a long term goal. Also, however, this comes from just feeling burnt out. It’s been a little over a year now since I started trying to figure things out. I am tired.
trill, I have a post scheduled for Mormon Matters on Thursday that address the difference between righteousness, spirituality and religiosity, so I am uncomfortable quoting from it now, but the summary is that I believe you must pursue righteousness primarily outside of church attendance. Church attendance can be a great supplement, but it is not an adequate substitute for personal righteousness – and “righteousness” has MUCH more to due with the condition of one’s soul than the outward actions of a checklist. It really is first about becoming, imo. Interestingly, the Church itself has emphasized for a long, long time that it is a supplement to the family, not vice-versa.
You can approach the LDS Church on your own terms. This just clicked on like a light switch for me one day. I feel very comfortable at Church these days. I love it and enjoy it a lot, BUTonly after I felt it was my own. I have boundaries set. I don’t feel guilty for not doing every possible thing they can invent for people to do. I thoroughly enjoy the service I offer as a teacher and member of the community. If I can’t do something, I just say so. I don’t agree with everything people say at Church, but that’s ok. They don’t agree with my perspectives either 
It’s just a Church. You have to really internalize that. It’s just a church. Say it over and over to yourself
If you want the Church in your life, decide how much. Consume it and enjoy it. If there’s something that doesn’t work for you, explore that and make a decision. Everything changes. Maybe you will enjoy it later. Maybe some part isn’t for you. Think like it is a buffett — lots of dishes, but you can’t possibly eat them all without becoming sick.
Valoel wrote:You can approach the LDS Church on your own terms. This just clicked on like a light switch for me one day. I feel very comfortable at Church these days. I love it and enjoy it a lot,
BUTonly after I felt it was my own. I have boundaries set. I don’t feel guilty for not doing every possible thing they can invent for people to do. I thoroughly enjoy the service I offer as a teacher and member of the community. If I can’t do something, I just say so. I don’t agree with everything people say at Church, but that’s ok. They don’t agree with my perspectives either It’s just a Church. You have to really internalize that. It’s just a church. Say it over and over to yourself
If you want the Church in your life, decide how much. Consume it and enjoy it. If there’s something that doesn’t work for you, explore that and make a decision. Everything changes. Maybe you will enjoy it later. Maybe some part isn’t for you. Think like it is a buffett — lots of dishes, but you can’t possibly eat them all without becoming sick.
That’s actually a lovely idea. One of the issues I have is the amount of time being LDS seems to take up in your life (physically not spiritually) – many say it is a full-time religion, everything in your daily life is centred around the Church. If there was room to breathe and determine what aspects you liked and didn’t I think it would make things easier and it is lovely to hear you say that, Unfortunately much of the material I have read seems to state the opposite.
NotSure2008 wrote:If there was room to breathe and determine what aspects you liked and didn’t I think it would make things easier and it is lovely to hear you say that, Unfortunately much of the material I have read seems to state the opposite.
So disagree with that literature. I do
🙄 It’s official Valoel doctrine, and it’s worth what people pay for it — nothin’ LOLSeriously though, you obviously don’t agree that the Church should consume your life. You are your own expert in the matter.
I like that idea Voloel (sp?) the idea that we can each make our own of the church is a great idea I will echo Valoel’s point about making the Church your own, from a different angle. I’m a Church geek – a Church junkie. I simply LOVE organized religion – for the community of believers and the chance to serve an extended family. I can work out my own intellectual understanding of the doctrines outside the Church, but I can’t walk away from the service I provide to and within the community. Therefore, right now I attend 6-9 hours of meetings most Sundays – and my wife and I are fine with that. I’m there to help and serve, not to learn – so I am pleased and gratified when I do learn something. It’s not expected or required, so it’s wonderful when it happens.
Having said that, the ONLY “required” meeting each week is Sacrament Meeting. Attend that meeting, and “The Church” officially considers you to be active. (The local ward or branch won’t consider you fully active, but you will be considered active from the global church’s perspective.) In fact, if you have a job that requires you work most Sundays, if you attend Sacrament Meeting as often as you can you still probably will be considered “active” by your Bishop or Branch President.
What I’m saying is that there are many, many “levels of activity” possible within the LDS Church for someone who wants to be “active” but doesn’t want to attend every possible meeting. My wife was raised with the idea that to be active you had to be involved in EVERY SINGLE THING POSSIBLE, and it’s taken me years to help her see that it’s ok to miss this and that when there’s something else on the schedule that is more important – or when we want to go out on a date – or when she is working overnight and needs to catch some sleep before leaving – etc. I’ve considered home seminary for my second son, who is diabetic and tires easily, but we haven’t pulled the trigger on that because he wants to have that time with his church friends each day.
The “buffet” concept is just as appropriate, imo, when it comes to time commitment as it is to doctrinal acceptance – even more so, perhaps, when you realize that there really is only ONE “required” meeting (and that one is required for the partaking of the sacrament, not because of the talks that follow).
So, my advice is exactly like Valoel’s in the end: What should religion’s place be in your life? It should be secondary to your individual pursuit of righteousness but act as a motivation in that pursuit, and it should be whatever place works for you in your current situation. After all, there is a time and a season for all things under the sun – and that includes “level” of church activity.
Ray’s comment made me think about organized religion. I am a big believer in organized religion too. As free as I come across at times, I believe organized religion is a vital part of a spiritual life. We all have to decide what is right for us in the moment — how we interface as individuals with the larger group organization. I was promoting that idea above. I also believe spirituality can be explored alone, but we need interaction with other people. It is just a part of the whole “plan” so to say. It’s important for many reasons, especially for the opportunity to serve others and share ideas. It is good to be challenged by our interaction with our brothers and sisters. trill, I hear ya. At one point in my life I realized the control the church had and has had over my life, my decisions, my thoughts and actions. I like what valoel suggests about accepting the church on your own terms. In fact, this is exactly what I told my dh I had to do. Setting boundaries, not always saying yes, not trying to do or participate in every thing is a start. But I need to figure out how to get the church out of my head: the voices that remind me I’m not doing enough, not measuring up, not doing it “the right” way. One of the greatest ironies of the Church is that it can be very attractive to perfectionists, while it can be hardest on perfectionists. Fwiw, redefining “perfection” helps tremendously, but so does a renewal of the place of grace – and I am ecstatic to see that over the last few years in the Church. If it helps, read the following post:
http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007/11/embracing-grace.html The way I see it is that Heavenly Father created this church to be a blessing. I don’t think he wants us to be miserable while being a member. He knows us better than anyone and he knows what our true feelings and needs are. We’re all different and we need different things. Some people need that everyday do everything church experience, while others may do better with going to church occasionally. I think Heavenly Father understands that. I also just thought of Elder Uctdorf’s message at the last general Relief Society meeting. He commented on how sometimes women think they have to be perfect and do everything in the church right. He told us to be way more relaxed and realized we’re doing the best we can. We can’t let the church make all of our decisions. I let it make my decisions for a long time but just recently started thinking on my own. I decided that I needed to decide what worked for me and what I agreed with. There are others that may disagree with this but they don’t know you. Quote:He commented on how sometimes women think they have to be perfect and do everything in the church right. He told us to be way more relaxed and realized we’re doing the best we can.
AMEN!!
Thanks for sharing that HappyMom. Ditto on that AMEN! Way to go Happymom and Elder Uchtdorf! Quote:I like what valoel suggests about accepting the church on your own terms. In fact, this is exactly what I told my dh I had to do.
This is really true. I was thinking about this back in college when I was dating. There were some I dated who had a completely different view on the church than I did. I knew I couldn’t marry someone who didn’t see things the same I did or who would not like my approach or think I wasn’t living up to what their ideals were. I couldn’t marry someone who 1) cared too much what others thought (because I knew it would bother him that I didn’t), 2) aspired to callings (because I would be a drawback to this kind of person either intentionally or not), 3) expected my life to be subordinate in some way without reciprocation (e.g. someone with a strong personal path and a plan mapped out that I would have to accommodate). Fortunately, I was able to find someone who fit my needs. I can only imagine the problems if I had not stuck to my guns on these points. Honestly, #3 was the hardest one for me to find. A man really has to be raised right.
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