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Leadership roulette extends naturally to the local community / congregations being led. I hurt when I hear about wards like you describe. They are so different than they are supposed to be, and they are not the rule. They are not a small enough exception, but they are not the rule. If you need a break, take one. Talk with your wonderful husband and figure out what you should do. He is a great man. You are blessed to have him there for you.
May there be a road – and may it include continued participation here. You truly are a blessing to us. You have a perspective and voice that are valuable and unique.
Oh, AP, I felt such an ache reading about how your DD is being treated, for both of you. Those teenage years are such tender times, and I don’t think there is anything worse than seeing your child be hurt. It isn’t fair and it isn’t right, no matter what the excuse. Virtual hugs from me. I agree with others here– maybe a break would help. And I think giving yourself permission to take that break without guilt will be extremely beneficial. Give yourself a chance to clear your head and think about what you really want and need.
Thank you each for your input and sage advice .. And for talking me off the wall tonight. I appreciate it.
NonTraditionalMom wrote:Oh, AP, I felt such an ache reading about how your DD is being treated, for both of you. Those teenage years are such tender times, and I don’t think there is anything worse than seeing your child be hurt. It isn’t fair and it isn’t right, no matter what the excuse. Virtual hugs from me.
And from me, too. And the straw that would break this camel’s back would be leaders/girls/bishops/etc. getting up in testimony meeting or a similar venue and talking about how wonderful all the girls are, such good examples, so strong, “amazing,” and whatever. While your blood boils.I’m really sorry.How does your daughter handle all this? What does your husband think? Just curious if you feel like getting into it. (And I don’t have the foggiest idea who he is.)
The title of your post has me thinking about
beingresigned – accepting something undesirable that cannot be avoided. But who wants to do that? Or, most of us can do it for ourselves, but not for our kids. Minyan Man wrote:He made it clear to the membership that he was an alcoholic & from his appearance seemed to be really struggling. After the meeting, we talked & I told him that I’m an Alcoholic too & that he is not alone. I am not ashamed of being a recovering member. I just do not openly announce it. I took him to my AA meetings & after had a good talk. Afterwards he went into treatment and stayed sober for the past (8 yrs). We never know how words of encouragement helps another person. It is not easily measured.
In my opinion, our Church can not lose one more compassionate voice.
That’s pure religion MM. Thanks for sharing.We can make a difference to others, but only after we have found a fairly peaceful or stable place to stand our ground. I believe in the oxygen mask philosophy, first secure yourself so that you are then able to help others.
As a reminder, and I think Minyan you would agree…right?, taking a summer break to catch your breath is not the same as the church losing a compassionate voice altogether. Breaks sometimes provide the needed time to be able to return compassionately and honestly.
I guess different people work through it differently…some can force themselves to keep going until they feel the compassion and glad they stuck with it…others need a break so a little healing from the sidelines allows them to retape their ankles and get back in the game.
Heber said: Quote:As a reminder, and I think Minyan you would agree…right?, taking a summer break to catch your breath is not the same as the church losing a compassionate voice altogether. Breaks sometimes provide the needed time to be able to return compassionately and honestly.
I completely agree.My break was at least 15 years. It took that long to work through my FC. I refuse to feel guilty for taking that long. I tried to resign several times. Everytime, my Bishop talked me out of it. My only point in this discussion is: compassionate voices are needed more than ever in the LDS church. Just because you take a break doesn’t mean that you’re not going to be compassionate. From what I’ve read, that’s your nature & you will be that way wherever you’re “planted’. Whatever your decision, I wish you the very best. This journey of ours isn’t always easy.
mom3 wrote:My autistic son was always stuck with the other autistic kid. It sounds great on paper, but not in life. The other boys just left them alone. Never included them or anything. Plus spectrum kids vary, our son wanted to enjoy more normal activities, we had raised him that way. He didn’t find out until he was in Jr. High that he had a diagnosis. My husband went to every scout trip, scout camp everything. No change. My sons final withdrawal from church came after he bore his testimony in Sacrament Meeting. He did it on his own, he spoke from his heart. It was very sincere, and touching. Many members said so. His quorum leader though had a different opinion, during class that day he passed out a paper listing all the things you are supposed to include in a testimony, had circled the areas my son had neglected, thanked him for being an example to his peers, but reminded him next time to do it right. Pretty soon he lost interest and we’d run out of options.
I’m just reading this, and wish I could offer more than a virtual hug.Miniyan Man – This is the best answer – Thank you.
Quote:
My only point in this discussion is:compassionate voices are needed more than ever in the LDS church. Just because you take a break doesn’t mean that you’re not going to be compassionate. From what I’ve read, that’s your nature & you will be that way wherever you’re “planted’. Whatever your decision, I wish you the very best. This journey of ours isn’t always easy. Ann –
Quote:I’m just reading this, and wish I could offer more than a virtual hug.
– I will take it, thank you. I don’t often repeat it, because I don’t want life to be frozen by it. Writing it out yesterday brought a lot of grief.
Quote:Mom3 wrote: to your daughter directly – I get it. My autistic son was always stuck with the other autistic kid. It sounds great on paper, but not in life. The other boys just left them alone. Never included them or anything. Plus spectrum kids vary, our son wanted to enjoy more normal activities, we had raised him that way. He didn’t find out until he was in Jr. High that he had a diagnosis. My husband went to every scout trip, scout camp everything. No change. My sons final withdrawal from church came after he bore his testimony in Sacrament Meeting. He did it on his own, he spoke from his heart. It was very sincere, and touching. Many members said so. His quorum leader though had a different opinion, during class that day he passed out a paper listing all the things you are supposed to include in a testimony, had circled the areas my son had neglected, thanked him for being an example to his peers, but reminded him next time to do it right. Pretty soon he lost interest and we’d run out of options.
I was telling your story to DH .. Just came back to re-read it. Just is heart-breaking.
Thanks AP. Mom stuff is hard. But you know that. At the risk of sounding completely unstable and crazy, :crazy: I must confess that I once resigned from the church. Both my husband and I. Ten years ago. The crazy part is the fact that a year later, we went back. A year later, we left again. Two years later, after the death of our son, I traded in all of the stuff I didn’t like about Joseph Smith in order to embrace his “revelation” on parents who lose children will be able to raise them in the millennium. I dove back into the church head first. I was in a very bad place. Let’s just say that despite everything I learned, for me, emotion always overruled logic. (I doubt anyone, especially my family, would really take me seriously if I left again). Stage 3 is a killer no matter what side of the fence you are on. For the past six years, I have been in the church. In that time, I have grown, so it wasn’t a completely bad decision. At least I have learned to be more loving and open minded towards those who do not think the same way as me. (Although it is a continuous learning process as I have to stay away from Facebook
Thanks for sharing your story, RS14. It shows that a decision doesn’t have to be final. You can resign, leave, go back, ….the church is still there. I think it is best to just follow your heart on what is best, and if it causes that grief for your parents or family, and that is a consideration you care about them enough to not resign…great. If you feel you need to resign to keep your mind and conscience clear…great.
There is not one way.
And the church doesn’t call for “no take backs”.
Reversing14, thank you for sharing your perceptive and story. It has given me a lot to think about. So sorry for your loss. I skipped church today. I floated around the pool while reading a mind numbingly stupid book. It was wonderful. The resultant sun burn — not so wonderful. Up to this point, I have been attending SM and sometimes SS and RS to support DH. It was amazing just how good it felt to not deal with any of the stress and pressure of church this morning.
While I am not sure where this FC will eventually lead me, today it was good.
Heeding others advice to take a break sounded like an excellent idea.
I find myself saddened that it was my best Sunday in a really long time.
Congratulations on a great day.
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