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Richard Rohr’s book “Falling Upward” totally changed my perspective on faith and really helped me reach a new place in my faith journey. Not sure if others have had that experience. For me, the whole book could have been about a Mormon faith crisis, but he comes from the Catholic tradition and works with people of all different faiths. He looks at three basic phases growing up in a religious tradition. The first is order. Having all of the doctrine fit nicely together, with clear rules and boundaries. The second is deconstruction, where this all comes crashing down. The final phase is reconstruction, where one builds a new, nuanced faith out of the old pieces, that looks different than the order version. He says there is no non-stop flight from order to reconstruction, one must go through deconstruction, but cannot stay there too long. It’s an angry, cynical place.
To me, this makes perfect sense. I feel like I have navigated through order and deconstruction and have come out with a nuanced faith that is my own and works for me to participate in the Church. The problem in the Church is that it is hard to communicate this to others and can be a lonely place. The Church does not want people to venture out of the “order” phase. People in the order phase generally want to stay there and view faith crisis, deconstruction with fear. It also sounds arrogant to tell people you’ve advanced past the stage they are currently in. Most people in the deconstruction phase are angry. I was. They do not want to hear anything positive about the Church or about nuanced faith. My heart goes out to people like John Dehlin. To be stuck in the deconstruction phase for 8-10 years and creating an echo chamber for people in that phase would drain all my energy.
I feel like there is a lot of happiness in a reconstructed faith, but it is a no-man’s land. Ideally, we would lead people through a soft-landing deconstruction and have them come out the other side in college, but we would probably lose a lot of people forever. I don’t feel like we have very good tools for helping people navigate faith crisis, other than building higher fences and trying to keep people in the “order” phase as long as possible and keep them away from deconstruction at all costs.
I’m solidly in the “deconstruction” stage, and have yet to see if I’ll ever make it to the reconstruction stage (though I have mostly moved past the angry phase). The church does seem to try hard to keep people away from deconstruction. And once you’re there, they have no help for getting you to reconstruction. They just try to get you back into the order stage, even when that’s impossible.
Personally I do wonder if I’ll ever get to reconstruction. I’ve gone from devout Mormon to nuanced to atheist, back to nuanced, back to atheist again, etc. I still haven’t found a way for the broken pieces to fit together.
There is a good review of the book falling upward here: https://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=5211&p=71375&hilit=rohr#p71375 Quote:I’ve gone from devout Mormon to nuanced to atheist, back to nuanced, back to atheist again, etc. I still haven’t found a way for the broken pieces to fit together.
I can appreciate that and hope you make peace with whatever you decide. I do think at a certain point you can only deconstruct so long and it can make you angry, jaded and cynical, which is no way to live. I applaud people who move on and find peace in establishing good values and a belief system, even if it’s totally secular. Many in the ex-Mormon community have done just that.
I’m always surprised when I hear people identify as atheists and find out more about their views which are essentially what I believe about God and spirituality. Not sure where you are.
I would sum up my reconstructed faith as follows: God is a mystery, there is some kind of divine force that I don’t understand but have felt guide me and can tune into. Jesus was a stellar example of someone who lived a very enlightened life and showed us the way to bless others and access God. I see all religion as the best ways people can think of to draw close to God through ritual, symbols and spiritual practice. The LDS Church generally has good tools to access God and offers amazing community, opportunities for service and produces good people. Other religions also offer good, but the LDS Church is my tribe and my people. I feel at home here and take the parts I like and leave the rest.
I can see why the Church wouldn’t want a whole ward or stake of people who think like me. Probably would not be as committed, would not obey or serve as well as people in the “order” stage.
Arrakeen wrote:
I still haven’t found a way for the broken pieces to fit together.
Sometimes anger comes from the frustration resulting from the inability to make things fit. Sometimes broken pieces are just broken pieces.
felixfabulous wrote:
I can see why the Church wouldn’t want a whole ward or stake of people who think like me. Probably would not be as committed, would not obey or serve as well as people in the “order” stage.
Hard to say without a ward or stake like that in front of me but a part of me thinks that I’d be more committed in such a stake. The stakes and wards that are in front of me don’t have much for people that don’t fit the mold to commit to.
nibbler wrote:
Arrakeen wrote:
I still haven’t found a way for the broken pieces to fit together.
Sometimes broken pieces are just broken pieces.
I am solidly reconstructing but at a place where it’s looking pretty good. From the pile of rubble that was my faith I reused some in my new faith. There are some new parts that weren’t part of the rubble. There are parts of the rubble I haven’t figured out yet – will they fit or not? There are still other parts that will always remain on the pile, there is no use for them in the new faith. As Nibbler says, sometimes broken pieces are just broken pieces.
I guess I view the deconstruction process as grief. Just like your world view changes considerably when someone you loved deeply and potentially relied on greatly in your life dies, your world view changes when the “pieces” and “truths” you knew are no longer available for you to rely on due to faith transition. To me, the faith transition grief has these characteristics:
1.
It doesn’t make sense until you’ve been there. I can talk about grief in general, and relate about circumstances of grief in my life, but I cannot relate specifically and talk about in a specific nuanced way, the about the grief from losing a parent or spouse, because these connections to me have not passed away. 2.
It comes back to “haunt” you. There was an initial phase where I was more hurt, more frustrated, and more insecure/uncertain. But it became easier to live with the insecurity and uncertainty with less pain and frustration (for the most part). 3.
It is either going to strengthen you or it is going to break you. There is little middle ground at the end of the day. While I like Richard Rohr’s Step 5 description, I don’t view it in terms of steps. I tend to view Step 5 as “the place between Step 3 and Step 4” the way that Northeast is between North and East. It is it’s own destination with unique characteristics that are in part a blending of the characteristics of North and the characteristics of East. This place is also useful for hopping between North and between East. However, it (like any other compass point) may or may not be the final arrival place.
DarkJedi wrote:
nibbler wrote:
Arrakeen wrote:
I still haven’t found a way for the broken pieces to fit together.
Sometimes broken pieces are just broken pieces.
I am solidly reconstructing but at a place where it’s looking pretty good. From the pile of rubble that was my faith I reused some in my new faith. There are some new parts that weren’t part of the rubble. There are parts of the rubble I haven’t figured out yet – will they fit or not? There are still other parts that will always remain on the pile, there is no use for them in the new faith. As Nibbler says, sometimes broken pieces are just broken pieces.
That’s pretty much where I am, too. The deconstruction phase was frightening and sometimes it still is, but I feel like I am mostly in the reconstructing phase and feelings pretty good about how it’s going. I really appreciate this book recommendation. It sounds like it would be pretty useful.
DarkJedi wrote:I am solidly reconstructing but at a place where it’s looking pretty good. From the pile of rubble that was my faith I reused some in my new faith. There are some new parts that weren’t part of the rubble. There are parts of the rubble I haven’t figured out yet – will they fit or not? There are still other parts that will always remain on the pile, there is no use for them in the new faith. As Nibbler says, sometimes broken pieces are just broken pieces.
This could describe where I feel I am at. I’ve rebuilt with quite a few of the old pieces, though it’s taken a lot of thought to figure out how to make them fit. The other pieces that are broken or won’t fit are still there. Things like this site and reading discussions like this have been helpful in letting some of the pieces go that need to. There is still much more building to be done, but I’m pleased with how my reconstruction is coming together.
The following is a relevant quote that has been discussed here in the past:
Quote:We are like sailors who must rebuild their ship on the open sea, never able to dismantle it in dry-dock and to reconstruct it there out of the best materials. Where a beam is taken away a new one must at once be put there, and for this the rest of the ship is used as support. In this way, by using the old beams and driftwood the ship can be shaped entirely anew, but only by gradual reconstruction.
Roy wrote:
The following is a relevant quote that has been discussed here in the past:
Quote:We are like sailors who must rebuild their ship on the open sea, never able to dismantle it in dry-dock and to reconstruct it there out of the best materials. Where a beam is taken away a new one must at once be put there, and for this the rest of the ship is used as support. In this way, by using the old beams and driftwood the ship can be shaped entirely anew, but only by gradual reconstruction.
I love that!
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