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So, now what? Like others here, I was very disheartened by the recent policy. I found myself wondering if it’s perhaps time to separate permanently from the Church. I know many of you are feeling the same way. I don’t know, but here are some of my thoughts and I wonder what others are thinking:
Reasons to go:
– I don’t like belonging to an organization with which I disagree so strongly on this issue.
– I don’t want my membership to be ‘counted’ as agreement.
– I’m weary of having to swallow my feelings.
Reasons to stay:
– I still have family and friends in the organization and I treasure my associations. I know they would still love me, but my opportunities for shared experiences will diminish if I leave.
– I want to support my immediate family members who are active in the Church.
– I still find the framework to be useful for my own ‘spirituality’ and I don’t believe I can find a suitable replacement.
– I fear that if all the offended people leave over this issue, the Church will become an echo chamber again. Right now, it seems like dissenting voices are mounting. But, they may soon be lost (and go silent). I’m trying to figure out if I can make a difference by staying.
Thoughts?
Dear On Own, Feel for you… I find myself thinking exactly the same thing with many of the same reasons. I’ll add a couple of other go/no go reasons to yours. For me, though I’m not thinking of going entirely, I will likely ask for release from calling and possibly turn in temple recommend.
Reasons to go now:
– I don’t want to become “immune” to this by waiting weeks or months to act, hoping for a policy revision.
– It may be an example to others (including my children) that you can live outside the church and have a happy, productive life. Not that I want to encourage people to leave, but I feel trapped and I know others do too.
Reasons to stay:
– Belief that I can help more people by staying than by being less engaged or by leaving altogether.
– Want to participate and “oversee” my kids participation in church activities. Want to see my kids marry in the temple if they choose to do so.
– I love many aspects of the culture and appreciate the hard work and persistence the church teaches. I think my kids and I are better people because of the church.
– A need for a “higher purpose” and a reminder to improve myself, otherwise I’m afraid I’ll get lazy. If I don’t attend this church I don’t think I’d attend any church.
I wonder if a “basic membership level” of well defined boundaries would accommodate some reasons to stay and some reasons to go.
I’m sorry to sound like a broken record, but I do think this is good advice: – Let it sit for a while. Give it some time to see how you feel. Don’t make a choice in an emotional state.
Go slow.
I hadn’t looked at it from that point of view, but since Heber brought it up it does seem similar to the initial faith crisis. Hence, take it slow, don’t dump all at once, and focus on what you do believe. 
Ultimately the choice is yours. I am choosing to stay for reasons you and RR mention. I hope I can be an calm and reasonable voice of another point of view. While this new policy hurts my heart and has occupied my thoughts, it’s not a deal breaker for me – but that’s partly because my church focuses on the Savior.
I told someone the other night that this is much like an episode of Lassie. At this point, Little Timmy has fallen in the well. We don’t know if the fall was survivable or not. Emotions are running high. Some people just want to turn off the program, they cannot handle the suspense. Let’s just wait a bit. The episode isn’t over. Let’s see if Lassie can save Little Timmy.
The original script might have been written to just let Timmy fall in and die. The end. But pilot viewers complained and the script was changed. Will Lassie save Little Timmy???
Go get some pop corn, grab a drink, the show isn’t over yet.
I’m intensely curious to see how THIS episode of Our Mormon Doctrine ends. What plot twists are yet to come. Stay tuned. Which GA will save the situation? Will Monson denounce it? Will edits happen? Uchdorf too often plays the part of Lassie. Will someone else get the part this time?
amateurparent wrote:Let’s just wait a bit. The episode isn’t over. Let’s see if Lassie can save Little Timmy.
AP, you’re awesome. Thanks for posting.
:thumbup: Heber13 wrote:amateurparent wrote:Let’s just wait a bit. The episode isn’t over. Let’s see if Lassie can save Little Timmy.
AP, you’re awesome. Thanks for posting.
:thumbup:
I think the script is the kid with the gay parents was thrown down the well. OK – I will stop being so snarky and try to follow AP’s optimistic attitude.BTW – I did read this
http://www.neylanmcbaine.com/2015/11/not-peace-but-a-sword.html ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.neylanmcbaine.com/2015/11/not-peace-but-a-sword.html A great post on this topic from Ashmae at BCC: http://bycommonconsent.com/2015/11/10/staying-again/ I too am asking myself should I stay or should I go now ? With last weekends policy I really don’t know , for now I am taking the approach wait and see . I think perhaps this policy will be changed but I’m not sure. In any event I did type up my resignation letter and placed it on the shelf just in case. the church has several policies I do not agree with and it gets harder and harder to go to church and pretend like I agree with everything . the only thing that has saved my membership for now is the website church is true. I really enjoy looking at our faith in a different way . God Bless.
If I stay there will be trouble and if I go it will be double. The last week has felt like an eternity. Have you had any more thoughts? Thanks, LH, it’s a good article. If I do leave, it’s not going to be as a statement. As the author correctly states, you only get to resign once. I doubt that anyone above the stake level would take note, and from a numbers perspective, I’m certain that the Church isn’t concerned about whether I stay or go. I no longer pay tithing, attend the temple, or hold significant callings like I once did. I’m no longer a champion for the cause. What the Church has lost in me, it has already lost long ago.
If I leave it will be because of me, not because of the Church. In that sense, it’s exactly the same reason I stay. Not because of the Church, but because of me.
Ann wrote:The last week has felt like an eternity. Have you had any more thoughts?
I had long ago reached a sort of equilibrium with the Church. After this latest occurrence, I have come to realize that the equilibrium was a lot less steady than I had thought. I find that my desire to stay is waning. This is one of two incidents over the last couple of years that have made me revisit the topic with seriousness. I got over the other one, mostly. I may not fully recover from this one, but I suspect that, at least for now, I will stay… not out of any form of resolve, but just because right now would be a most inopportune time to leave. I worry a bit though that I’ve reached a point of no return; where I find it increasingly difficult to envision staying for the rest of my life.On Own Now wrote:I no longer pay tithing, attend the temple, or hold significant callings like I once did. I’m no longer a champion for the cause. What the Church has lost in me, it has already lost long ago..
This is what has laid me so low this week. The Church still “has something” in you and everyone like you. Do theygetwhat is lost when the interest, support, and respect of people like you are gone? They lose something of immense value and impossible to count. For now I’ve decided to stay and try to remain involved in the church but I might change my mind. I’ve also decided to not ask for release from my calling yet. My rationale is this – my participation, as painful as it is sometimes, may help in the tiniest of ways to move the ship in a better course. I think in general if one is opposed to something for moral reasons it’s better to proactively leave the situation than be “fired” once the decision is made that it’s morally unacceptable.
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