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Since I have Stake Conference this weekend and a business trip to Kansas City Sunday (for which I will need to leave SC early), I thought I should go ahead and write my resolutions post early this week. It still will appear on my personal blog on Saturday, but I had the feeling that I should post it here tonight:
From my post last week about the attitude behind vaunting and being puffed up:
Quote:It’s not necessarily that “they are worse than I am” – but rather that “I am better than they are”. That is an important distinction, subtle though it be.
It is critical – absolutely important – to understand how the statment that “charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up” applies within one’s own self in order to become more charitable in this regard. This is not easy, and it is not natural. This is true of almost everyone, but it is most difficult for those who are convinced of their own, personal faith perspective –
both those who struggle with their faith community and those who are solidly established within it. BOTH of these groups of people are characterized generally by a feeling of superiority when it comes to their understanding of Truth – and spirituality – and sociality – and leadership – and all other things religious (including Mormon). In practical terms, when we view ourselves as understanding the Gospel better than “those other members” – at that moment we are being “puffed up” – and, in public groups (online or at church), that often leads to “vaunting itself” above others.
Bragging and boasting don’t have to be blatant and obvious. They can be subtle and encrypted – and
I see it naturally both in those who are in the throes of bitterness and those in the entrenchment of an accepted mainstream. If anyone wants an eye-opening experience, think about this distinction and definition as you go back and re-read your own comments here and in any online discussion groups where you have participated and/or continue to participate. (If you don’t participate in group discussions online, think seriously about how you contribute to group discussions of other kinds – in any setting, but espeically at church.) See how many of your comments have either a subtle or obvious element of “vauntiness” or puffiness.
Most of us have a long way to go in that regard, and it’s hard to see how far unless you are looking consciously for it.Thanks for that Ray. It’s a great eye opener to see all these things in yourself. I find it puzzling: How do you make any personal progress without at the same time gaining a little “pride” for the progress that you’re making?
I guess it’s another paradox of life – the awareness of your progress (real or imagined) leads to a type of defeat in another area. But it’s always good to be aware.
Or do I have it wrong? Is confidence not the same as being “puffed up”?
Excellent, Ray. I need that post. Thanks. HiJolly
Quote:Is confidence not the same as being “puffed up”?
It is not the same – but I can’t address it in much detail now, since that’s the focus of my post next weekend.
That kind of introspective challenge to ourselves is so healthy IMO. I enjoy asking myself what I am wrong about. That seems similar to this exercise. But that overall ability to detach from the drama of our lives and look at ourselves from the outside, especially when it comes to pride, is a great spiritual workout program. Old-Timer wrote:It is critical – absolutely important – to understand how the statment that “charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up” applies within one’s own self in order to become more charitable in this regard. This is not easy, and it is not natural. This is true of almost everyone, but it is most difficult for those who are convinced of their own, personal faith perspective –
both those who struggle with their faith community and those who are solidly established within it. BOTH of these groups of people are characterized generally by a feeling of superiority when it comes to their understanding of Truth – and spirituality – and sociality – and leadership – and all other things religious (including Mormon). In practical terms, when we view ourselves as understanding the Gospel better than “those other members” – at that moment we are being “puffed up” – and, in public groups (online or at church), that often leads to “vaunting itself” above others.
Key concept, Ray! Trying to get others to see that you are “right” is the red flag to me, regardless of what side of the argument you are on.
I think true charity requires focus on the results or outcomes of situations, not on the one way to get the result. In organizations (church, work, family), we have to find ways to get things done, make progress, enhance feelings or knowledge…it just matters less how you get there (your way or my way) as opposed to getting the desired results. That isn’t to say nothing matters…there are things that matter how you get things done to avoid problems, but it shouldn’t resort to superiority of my ideas or inferiority of yours.
Heber13 wrote:Key concept, Ray! Trying to get others to see that you are “right” is the red flag to me, regardless of what side of the argument you are on.
Not sure about this Heber. Perhaps it depends on the goals, or the topic, or something. Maybe here we are only talking about spirituality. But imagine what Congress would be like if no one tried to convince others they were right? According to Elder Widstoe the point of this life is to learn all we can by sharing our knowledge amongst each other (something I agree with). How do we accomplish this goal if there is to be no trying to convince others we’re right? It seems to me that it is appropriate sometimes to argue that I am right and you are less right (figuratively speaking of course).
Perhaps part of charity is recognizing and being able to distinguish these sort of situations.
Old-Timer wrote:If anyone wants an eye-opening experience, think about this distinction and definition as you go back and re-read your own comments here and in any online discussion groups where you have participated and/or continue to participate. (If you don’t participate in group discussions online, think seriously about how you contribute to group discussions of other kinds – in any setting, but espeically at church.) See how many of your comments have either a subtle or obvious element of “vauntiness” or puffiness. Most of us have a long way to go in that regard, and it’s hard to see how far unless you are looking consciously for it.
Funny you should mention this. I do do this sometimes and it is almost embarrassing as I shake my head at what I said and how it must have come across. A healthy does of patience for people as we read their writings is also a good trait to have!Heber, I would say it’s not trying to convince others that you understand something as much as belittling their own understanding – and, in this post, I’m only talking about religious things – things about which faith is necessary – things that need hope since they aren’t seen. I’m not talking about a mathematician trying to show someone who doesn’t understand math that they are wrong – or a historian correcting bad revisionist history – or any other area where it is likely that one person really does know more than someone else. I’m talking about one’s attitude in those situations, but I’m also talking more fundamentally about areas where a healthy dose of humility can lead to charity as one understands that we see though our glass, darkly. All sunglasses shade the light, and I’m saying it’s easy to forget that I am wearing sunglasses and start feeling superior if I believe that mine are less tinted than someone else’s. They still are sunglasses, so my vision still is dark. Therefore, why do I care if it might be lighter than another’s? Maybe I should care more simply about finding a way to improve my own vision, take off the sunglasses and see directly by the light of the sun – perhaps still with the prescription my eyes need, but not shaded in any way.
Old-Timer wrote:Heber, I would say it’s not trying to convince others that you understand something as much as belittling their own understanding – and, in this post, I’m only talking about religious things
I agree that there are times we need to influence others and make decisions and have opinions of what is best. I am not suggesting we never try to convince others our ideas are good ones. I just think that can be done without belittling others, and when we have charity in our hearts, it helps us do that.In reading a lot of Stephen Covey, I think his synergy section talks of being confident in what you want, not compromising to others demands and being weak or bullied by others, BUT never making others feel they must see your way and do it your way (which belittles them), but reaching “a better way” – a new solution that is better than mine or yours…it is
oursthat has synergy and more power to move people. Even if I feel I’m right and you’re wrong…it is how I approach it with others that either helps find a solution that all are happy with, or reach the point where there is a no-go (agree to disagree)…and be willing to walk away still with mutual respect. Of course in my training with Hays research on leadership styles, there are different times for different approaches, and some circumstances require more authoritative approaches, some require more collaborative approaches. There are trade offs to different styles (a burning building isn’t the time to all sit down and discuss feelings but requires immediate action)…but the leader can always have integrity and genuine respect for others no matter what style is adopted.
So principles of charity can apply to business or political situations also…not just religious things, I think. A politician that knows how to get people on his side can get things done as opposed to an unbending and demanding person that requires everyone else to see things his/her way. That is the value to studying these things on Sunday…it should help me be a better manager during the work week as well a better saint and a better father.
I LOVE this, Ray. I definitely vaunt myself and am far too often puffed up. Thank you for this reminder.
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