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Daeruin wrote:
I really hope you can figure out something that works for you and your family.
I’m satisfied that I’m doing the right thing in not destroying the situation that works for now economically, job satisfaction wise, etcetera.
And, in any family, I think it’s an advantage when the status quo prevails if you decide not to make changes. In this case, the change they want is so drastic, if I simply keep holding my ground, nothing changes and the current situation prevails. I have been on the other end of the stick with things I have wanted to do, that the family does not. There have been things I have wanted to change in the past, which the family does not agree to. If those things are the status quo, and cannot change without their cooperation, I have had to accept them. So, it cuts both ways sometimes.
This is a situation that my family was faced with a few years ago, but I was the one putting pressure on DH. My children also wanted to move. I felt like it would solve so many things all at once. Financially it was not a good idea. We decided we could not fix most of the things we did not like about where we were, like the culture of the people and the way the ward works, but there were some things we could make better. We all picked something we could do to try and make life better where we were. I changed my job, my daughter joined some new activities to try and make different friends etc. It still is not perfect, but it is so much better. It seems unfair for your family to be so hard on you about it. I don’t know your family, but this was good for mine. If you just say no and in their minds give them no other way to change things they will just resent you even though you really are looking out for their best interests in staying. I hope things will get better !! Quote:She’s a good kid — and perhaps its teenagerism, but she rejects our family culture now, and told me today that “when I have my own family, a lot of things will change”. I expect her to come home from this TBM family in Utah feeling even worse about our family. Which is disheartening, because as little as a year ago, I was her greatest hero.
My guess is that twenty years from now your daughter will look up and around one day and say to herself “I’m more like my parents than I realized.” I, too, have rejected SOME of the family culture I grew up in but a great deal still remains.
Was it Mark Twain that said the following?
Quote:“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
Mrs. SuperChicken wrote:This is a situation that my family was faced with a few years ago, but I was the one putting pressure on DH. My children also wanted to move. I felt like it would solve so many things all at once. Financially it was not a good idea. We decided we could not fix most of the things we did not like about where we were, like the culture of the people and the way the ward works, but there were some things we could make better. We all picked something we could do to try and make life better where we were. I changed my job, my daughter joined some new activities to try and make different friends etc. It still is not perfect, but it is so much better. It seems unfair for your family to be so hard on you about it. I don’t know your family, but this was good for mine. If you just say no and in their minds give them no other way to change things they will just resent you even though you really are looking out for their best interests in staying. I hope things will get better !!
I think I’ve tried to do that — I agreed to attend a different Ward, and even toyed with buying a house there so they could attend, if my work moved me closer (it’s quite a way from our existing home). We drive my daughter to their youth activities and it has really helped her social life, which ailed in our old Ward. I did invest in fixing up our home with some things my wife really wanted, to make things less “stale” and also have been investing in trips away from home — which led to the current problem because the trips were in Utah.
I need to think of other things that can be done, though, as these changes were not conscious, or part of an overall plan — they were reactions to their deep unhappiness. Thanks for the tip to try to make it better — proactively — where we live.
I love George’s quote about the old man learning a lot in seven years. Funny man, Mark Twain!
SilentDawning, It is good you are thinking things through before making a commitment to move to Utah Utah wards have their problems just like any other wards. My family had culture shock when we moved to Utah. We live in the Davis county area. Everyone in our town is related or military. My family had a hard time fitting in.We tried really hard . My husband and I are both very out going.
People were friendly at church but don’t socialize out side of church We would have like to have some close friends in our ward to do things with outside of church. It did not happen. The military folks have their group of friends on base and our ward friends were busy with the extend family. After years of trying we finally have found friends in a New Comers group. It is a group of people who want to meet new people. They have all kinds of things to do. There are also meet up groups.
I hope that you and your family can reach some kind of agreement on the issue of moving to Utah. I wish the best of luck in this very important decision.
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