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hi, everybody. I just read scooter’s post in the introductions section. I have a question for those who have been negotiating a faith transition and are more experienced. What are some specific ways that you have set boundaries with the church, now that you have a new way of thinking? Like Scooter was suggesting, I don’t like the idea of throwing out “rules” that serve good purposes in my life, but I am just not willing to allow hard core members to let me feel guilty anymore about not performing what they perceive as the minimum requirements of the law ( for example, home teaching). What boundaries have been internal, and what boundaries have had to be a asserted through conversation and negotiation with other members of the church? and how can you set these boundaries without coming off as a jerk, or someone who doesn’t care about the community? Hi Turinturambar, Luckily I got a new bishop, one much more understanding than the previous one.
I explained a little about my change of beliefs.
I asked to be released from a particular calling, but said I would be glad to help out in other ways & have.
We’ve finally stopped paying tithing & now direct it to those in need.
I’ve learned to say no, in a “yes” kind of way… like “No I won’t do that, but I’ll be glad to do this.”
Internal boundaries are still a challenge, especially when getting lectured by well-meaning members.
I posted a list of thinking distortions in the other thread, that I’m still working on.
One more thing… I think it’s important to find our own unique ways to connect spiritually.
Do you like nature, music, art… serving? Try to find meaningful ways to lift your spirits and help you feel connected.
Quote:“We believe in worshiping almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow ALL (wo)men EVERYWHERE the same privilege . . .”
That pretty much says it all to me, even though we don’t think of it generally as applying to members of the LDS Church, individually, like we do with others. I take “we”, “all” and “everywhere” literally.
Good question. I was one person who had NO BOUNDARIES with the Church and eventually it led to my own crisis and subsequent faith transition. How do you set them? In a non-offensive way. Each person will do this in their own style, but I think it helps to identify those things on which you have limits. For example, with home teaching. Maybe you don’t want to do it at all. In that case, I might accept a list of families, and see one of them each month, and keep rotating them around. Be available for crises that happen with all of them, when there are legitimate needs. This way you support the organization without surrender.
Also, find ways of saying “No” that are powerful and reasonable and not offensive. But definitely set boundaries and yes, remember you don’t have to jump every time some leader gets an idea — even if they resort to the statement that “this is something the Lord wants you to do”. I’ve heard them use that over and over again and unless you honestly feel it IS something the Lord wants you to do, don’t feel any pressure.
SD’s comments, +1 So for a person who may try coming back to church, like visiting RS or PH meeting only, how do you set boundaries without causing offense? For example, my husband and I do not believe in temple work, or attending. We don’t believe in the literalness of BofM, or things in the other scriptures. We do believe in the lds trinity, faith without works is dead, and that man can become God, but would not pay tithing, or do every church calling. We believe JS was a prophet but became fallen and not everything church leaders do or say is from God, but we like some of the teachings, and cultural activities. Would we still be welcomed and accepted? When I tried to express my honest beliefs to this bishop here when we first moved here two years ago, we got insulted and would not help us move in.
Sometimes we miss some things from the lds church but don’t know if we would be accepted as buffet Mormons.
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