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I had a discussion with my stage 5 sister about regrets as a missionary. Do I regret bringing people into the church now with my new perspective? Does she regret it? I know I was doing what I thought was right at the time. And, even as a missionary, I was hyper-focused on the love and charity and forgiveness and atonement.
But, now, I’m not sure that I would encourage or even introduce someone to the church. I do sense the charity of the Mormon theology. But the practical aspects of worshiping and fellowshipping in the church, don’t strike me as charitable. I don’t want to sound negative but how can someone trying to “stayLDS” share the gospel? Would it include sharing the history, “warts and all”? Would it include the endless testimony-sharing “one true church”? “Hold to the rod”? “Follow the prophet”?
Where does the charity end and the exclusivity begin? Or, where does the exclusivity end and the charity begin?
Here are my initial suggestions: 1) Distinguish between the Church and the Gospel. I know you know the difference, but you’ve conflated them in this post.
2) Distinguish between preaching the Gospel, sharing the Gospel and inviting people to worship with you at church. These things can be done simultaneously, but they also can be done separately –
and most of the issues I’ve seen in my life occur when one would be appreciated but more than one are attempted.3) Share the Gospel with all, in word and deed; share the Church by introduction and invitation, seeing with whom it sticks and with whom it doesn’t.
4) Realize that some people desperately need the Gospel RIGHT NOW; some people really need the Church RIGHT NOW; some people really need both RIGHT NOW; some people really don’t need one or both RIGHT NOW – and that, if our theology is correct, they will have a chance to understand the Gospel and accept it at some point.
5) Realize, therefore, that our focus shouldn’t be on converting / preaching to / sharing with everyone right now. Rather, it should be on helping everyone we can in whatever way we can –
and that, for some people, sharing the Church really will be a great blessing. 5) Realize that some people have real needs that simply can’t be met right now – and that all you can do is what you can do. Sometimes that is simply unconditional love, even in times when conditional acceptance is needed.
6) Pray / ask / yearn for inspiration to know / feel / intuit what individuals need.
7) Be confident enough to ask others to back off and let you be the one who lets them know when direct missionary discussions and conversations are appropriate.
8 ) Finally, let go of the fear of not doing something perfectly and realize that doing your own personal best is enough – no matter what that personal best is.
I love sharing the Gospel with people who ask for it. I detest cramming it down someone’s throat who is indifferent or resistant. I consciously try to share a more “liberal” interpretation of Mormondom so they can better handle the quirks and stupidities that they are likely to encounter. If they are interested in such things, I will share “problems with Mormonism” as appropriate and tell them how I deal with them.
I share the “Gospel” of Jesus Christ through my actions and words. I am uncomfortable sharing the “Church” with people. So I don’t really do it.
It is weird because people will ask me questions about the Mormon Church and I kind of stick up for it. I say it really isn’t that strange or crazy, or at least the doctrine(in some aspects) are comforting. I can’t share culture or certain dogmatic stances because I get negative, so I never go into detail.
Lucky for me (?) people usually get uncomfortable at how the BOM came to be, with the golden plates and what not – From my experience, my family and friends have heard enough once I get to the basics of translation.
Since the “Church” has, I believe, assited in sending me backwards through “Stages” of faith, I feel like I can not introduce that type of burden on someone else. They might need the Church, and once they get it it could eventually bring them to disaffection. It is something right now that I feel I can’t risk. Gospel yes. Church(includng all of the culture that comes with it) not right now,maybe someday but not now.
I love and agree with Ray’s thoughts here. I would embroider them on a pillow, but perhaps a mattress would be better. I think we touch the lives of those around us, including sharing the Gospel/Church, at whatever level is right. I was in the same position years ago as a missionary. The people that resonated with me at that particular time heard the right message for them. I didn’t convert anyone who didn’t want to be converted. I even remember coming to this realization while I was near the end of my mission. It wasn’t me being clever, being a good teacher or a skilled debater. It was people hearing a message they wanted and longed to hear … as Jesus said “My sheep hear my voice.” I see that in a much more broad and universal perspective now of course, but the general concept is the same. I still “share the Gospel” with other people, but in a different way that reflects where I am in faith at the moment. I know that I would not be a good candidate to teach or “witness” to people like I used to as a traditional LDS missionary. I don’t resonate with those views the same now. I can’t testify to an investigator that “I know the Church is True” like I used to do. That isn’t me anymore. I feel like it is important to love who I used to be though, a form of acceptance of me in the past I guess. There was nothing wrong with how I was as a missionary. I mean how I shared the Gospel, not that I was a perfect missionary by any stretch.
Now days I still feel like I share the Gospel. I am not so concerned about whether someone joins the Church or not. They should if they want to. I resonate more with people who are in a different place in their faith, who are either very troubled by organized religion or who have moved past a lot of literalism. I am sharing the Gospel, but in the way that is right for me now, in the way that God can best use me and my quirks as an instrument in His grand symphony of humanity. I can reach people that no traditional missionary can. Those who are still like that though can touch the lives of people that I can no longer relate to well. I still want to be a part of the progress and enlightenment of my brothers and sisters. I love being a part of it all. I love learning from the people I share a journey with.
We all have an ability to touch the lives of people around us to uplift them and spread love, compassion and divinity (the Gospel). We can all do this in our own way, which is just right for someone out there.
I liked your post, Valoel. I feel I am in a very similar place. I just discussed with my wife tonight that I don’t think I could serve a proselyting mission again… maybe a service mission. hawkgrrrl wrote:I love and agree with Ray’s thoughts here. I would embroider them on a pillow, but perhaps a mattress would be better.
Dorthy Parker wrote a poem “Ode to a bedroom ceiling” perhaps the ceiling of the mind would be the place to write such good advice.I agree that Ray’s guideline are right on. I found that by altering me Prayers to “May anyone I should share the gospel with be brought to me” has worked as well as I can deal with.
As I look at the “gospel”, I am not sure that includes history or the weird twists of culture. On the mish I remember telling people not to expect all the people to be perfectly kind or loving, or not to expect the church to always get it right the first time. I mean even today I see the policies of the church ever changing as it attempts to make the decisions that help a world wide church. Some attempts work better than others, wouldn’t you agree? I think the thing that is helping me stay LDS is believing that at its core, this church is a principly based church and that those principles can be applied in such a variety of ways. They transcend culture or country or personality. I think this is important when sift through what is important vs. the problematic biproducts of good people trying to do the best they can in a group. If our behaviors are a reflection of sound understanding and balanced vision of the principles, they may look the same as others who may not be doing all the doings for the right reasons. I guess I feel a responsibility to help people understand first and then decide their own behaviors accordingly rather than presenting the list of do’s and don’ts.
And sometimes when we have a bad experience with something, we might mistakenly assume that others will experience or percieve in the same painful things we have. Perhaps its important for us to present the meaningful core principles without contamination, if that makes sense. Not that our perceptions or experience isn’t valid or important for our singular personal journey. It’s just that each of us is so individual and God is able to do his work within all that diversity, so we shouldn’t get in the way.
If I am not completely comfortable with all the church has become I am not sure I really want to be the conduit for others. Cadence wrote:If I am not completely comfortable with all the church has become I am not sure I really want to be the conduit for others.
So many people need what the Church has to offer. Most people will do nothing but benefit from Church membership.HiJolly
HiJolly, that is not an easy thing to admit early in Stage 4. I can feel clearly the pain of enunciating my own version of what you said, “The LDS religion is far from perfect, but it’s a giant step in the right direction for a lot of people.” Tom Haws wrote:HiJolly, that is not an easy thing to admit early in Stage 4. I can feel clearly the pain of enunciating my own version of what you said, “
The LDS religion is far from perfect, but it’s a giant step in the right direction for a lot of people.“
You are correct, sir!HiJolly
It’s important to note, too, that those who will benefit from the church are often the very same people who will recognize that they will. Missionary work, IMO, is as simple as finding other people you like to hang out with and inviting them to hang out with you as part of your ward family. If that environment gives them support to be a better Christian or a better person, they’ll be attracted to it. I never forced anyone to get baptized, so I have no regrets. I may no longer believe in the church or god, but if believing brings someone else peace and joy then why would I regret sharing the teaching of the church with them, and allowing them to make a personal decision to join. I was a decent missionary, but I was never a great one. I taught the lesson, but never presurred anyone about believing. If they accepted it great, if not I enjoyed talking with them. I had some great conversation with other minister and clergy about religion than I ever had with members. The only thing members taught me as a missionary, I already knew, but those outside of the church challenged me to think about what I belived.
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