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I was asked this evening to go teach someone the gospel with the missionaries at the last minute. I hesitated, wondering how well I was going to be able to function in a missionary setting where I might be asked to bear testimony given my recent trial of faith …I decided to take a Brian Johnson approach and “just let the experience wash over me” — like when he described his experience with some Hari Krishnas or some other religion in a park some time ago. I agreed to help the missionaries and to see what my reactions would be in the moment, not really knowing how I might react. I also remembered what it was like as a FT missionary to have a teaching appointment and no ride to get there. So I decided to be of service to the missionaries in a way that was meaningful to them. Reflections; at one point in the lesson, I saw this 20 year old investigator — same age as I was when I investigated the Church. LIke me at that age, she has a good heart and wants to be close to God. She believes in prayer because she’s had prayers answered through physical events.
I quietly questioned if I was doing the right thing given the angst I’ve felt in the Church — potentially leading her into a life of things that have bothered me, as well as the burdens our religion places on us. But as the discussion progressed, I visualized her life in the Church eventually — serving others, teaching, weekly lessons on things like honesty, chastity, clean living. Structure. When I was 20, just starting out like her — all these thing made my life better. The structure of the gospel might help her as it helped me get through that period without the preventable pitfalls. She had no concept of the Holy Ghost in her life, with her testimony of God based on physical answers to prayer. I could help her experience personal comfort through prayer, feeling and recognizing the HOly Ghost, peace from reflecting on general spiritual matters as described in our scriptures– all these things were ways I could contribute to her life experience, without necessarily harping on doctrine.
continued…. And also, I found myself fading out of the lesson due to weak teaching from the missionaries. They taught naked content without any of the Spirit-inducing features of a discussion like testimony, expressions of love, spiritual experiences, heartfelt personal meaning attached to scripture. They relied too heavily on closed-ended questions, and one-sided dialogue. The discussion went on too long. I had the thought that I could help the missionaries learn to teach better by attempting to model a spiritual discussion.
So, at the end I jumped into missionary mode and sort of hijacked the lesson, and led everyone in a prayer. I testified of specific parts of the book of Mormon that still resonate with me. The article/post about “Is Shrek True” Is the Book of Mormon True” on this site helped because I was able to share the life principles that have guided me from that book, and to do so sincerely. True or not in its origins, there are many principles in the book that can bring comfort and enlightenment — independent of Mormonism as a structured religion.
I discovered you can encourage others to read and pray about the Book of Mormon even though your commitment to certain principles, cultural values, or even your belief in the inspiration of leaders in the Church may be weak. All you are doing is asking them to experience the book themselves and interpret their own spiritual experiences. If they reject it, then they will take away beliefs that frame their own approach to spirituality. The being-taught-by-the-missionaries experience will then be another block in their own journey toward spirituality. If they accept it, they do so by choice….
After it was over, the missionaries gushed at how much they appreciated my taking over the lesson at the end and how they had learned something.
continued… So, in spite of all these misgivings I’ve been having lately, and angst — I found there were still a lot of good reasons to share the gospel with other people. Too often, we let the manmade trappings that surround our LDS experience define the whole experience. I don’t believe it has to be that way.
I also left feeling greater understanding of Heber13’s belief that Charity has a lot to do with staying LDS even though you may have misgivings. I went out this evening as an act of service to the missionaries. I taught the end of the lesson as a way of helping the missionaries increase their effectiveness, I shared the book of Mormon and how to recognize the Holy Ghost as a way of enriching this young woman’s life. All charitable reasons that eclipse my own egocentric reasons for feeling at loggerheads with the Church. None of those egocentric reasons were relevent to the goodness I was trying to bring about in hte lives of the missionaires and the investigator this evening.
Again, I just wanted to share this as I feel I’m having moments now when I’m finding my own independent reasons for living the gospel, and they help me feel independent of the authoritarianism and sometimes stifling culture of the Church. A combination of avoiding situations that cause angst, while focusing on contributing to the goodness in others lives, as well as teaching general life principles, and a commitment to being authentic — all these things can help a person stay LDS — while not accepting everything that defines the LDS religion.
WOW… I bow to you SilentDawning. Allowing ourself to be vulnerable to the familiar, the thing we doubt the most, that takes true courage. With great risk comes great reward. You are the hero this day.
Hare Krishna, Hare Rama!
It was easier letting myself experience the Krishna revival I stumbled upon because I knew deep down that I was not that connected or attached to it. You took the dive into much deeper waters.
Thanks for sharing that profound adventure. I often wondered how I would react to going on splits with missionaries to teach. That was a super cool approach. I will remember it.
Very well said! Thanks for sharing. I went again the other night with the missionaries, and invited this person to be baptized, and they accepted. It was a lot easier the second time I went given my reflections here about my motives in the opening post. Thanks for listening.
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