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Hello, my name is Kevin, and I’m an alcoholic, I mean a Mormon. I feel like I’m attending my first AA meeting and I have to stand up and confess my religious problems to you. I can’t hardly even begin to tell you about myself. I am a lifetime Mormon. I love music and that is primarily what is bolstering my faith right now. But, as with so many things Mormon, Mormon worship music is extremely regulated and thus emerges another conflict I deal with. I feel like I was just barely able to pass, truthfully and honestly, my recent renewal of my temple recommend, but I’m free and clear for 2 more years! I feel a need to say that I served on our Stake High Council (capitalize it, of course, to make it more important, right?) and in a Bishopric (ooooooh, you’re so important, Kevin). I only tell you about that to give background, because, believe me, I don’t want to be Bro. Importantcalling in the Church. I was released from the bishopric about 2 years ago and the release gave me time to think again, which started me on this road to questioning my faith. Since I love to read and research, that road has led me to be in such a conflicted state. I am 47 and feel like I have so much heavy investment in the Church (monetarily, family, and spiritually speaking) that I have to stay. That puts more guilt on me than even the standard, butt-of-so-many-jokes Mormon guilt. I’m married and have 5 children, 2 grown boys in college and 3 teenage girls. Oh, and I shouldn’t forget this one, I’m a closeted gay, never out-ed to anyone, including my wife. That’s about it in a nutshell, and you’re probably thinking this guy really is a nut, but thanks for hearing me out. “This guy really is a nut” never crossed my mind – and I’d be willing to bet it didn’t cross the minds of most (if not all) of the people here. So you play a different instrument in the orchestra than many. OK; fine. Welcome. Welcome Kevin! It’s not an AA meeting you’ve jumped into, but a bowl of mixed nuts! 
Hope you find something meaningful here!
Welcome here, Kevin. We are here to support you in reaching upward to the highest you can imagine as you maintain your LDS identity. I can tell that with your new insights, you feel new mandates, and I wish you the wisdom, strength, and courage to follow them nobly and honorably. Tom
Old-Timer wrote:“This guy really is a nut” never crossed my mind – and I’d be willing to bet it didn’t cross the minds of most (if not all) of the people here
I second the motion. Your story reads almost exactly like mine except I’m not gay or alcholic — the callings you had, etcetera, and your love of music (I’m a profesional musician and music teacher). I can relate to feeling heavily invested in the Church financially and otherwise, and then wondering if the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.
Welcome, I won’t think you strange at all. In fact, there was a thread here once where just about everyone admitted they felt like aliens given their situation with the Church. So, feeling individually strange is the norm here. Welcome to this group of strange people — you’ll fit right in.
Welcome to the nut house Kevinr! The inmates are running the asylum here, so I hope you feel right at home. Tough tough tough situation for you (did I say tough enough?). Whatever happens in the long run, our goal is to kick around ideas on how to process and deal with our faith and our life in a positive and healthy way, or at least make the best of it.
I hope you find us to be a supportive sounding board. I am sure we can learn as much from your experience as you can from ours. I don’t think anything you said is shocking. Welcome to the group of normal human beings that snapped out of our daze and looked around to see where we are at.
Life is a messy business, but it can also be an adventure.
Thanks for the welcome. I’ve already had much encouragement just reading the several introductory essays on the website. I have to clarify, though, I’m NOT an alcoholic, it just came out that way as I was writing the introduction, it sounded like I was at an AA meeting, which I’ve never been to, only seen and heard about them and the related jokes of standing up and confessing who you are and that you’re an alcholic. So, I’m hanging on for now.
kevinr wrote:I have to clarify, though, I’m NOT an alcoholic, it just came out that way as I was writing the introduction…
Well, perhaps you should consider becoming one. It works for me – helped me work through many of my issues with the LDS church.
😆 Welcome to the site.
cwald wrote:kevinr wrote:I have to clarify, though, I’m NOT an alcoholic, it just came out that way as I was writing the introduction…
Well, perhaps you should consider becoming one. It works for me – helped me work through many of my issues with the LDS church.
😆
Cwald, you just put me into a fit of laughter with that one.
Welcome Kevin! It’s great to have another musician here. What instruments do you play? Do you sing? You might’ve noticed that musicians and leaders have a long tradition of butting heads in the church. It’s been the cause of some of my struggles as well. As someone who’s been both a leader and a musician, you no doubt have an interesting perspective on this that I look forward to hearing about. Hi Kevin, My heart goes out to you as you are carrying alot on the inside. I have a gay son and it has been a difficult challenge in the church. He has left the church as have my other two kids and husband. My husband was in the high council too and a workaholic. I thought he might be gay once as he hardly ever wanted intimacy. I think it would have been easier for me if he was as then I would not have personalized it so much. Ended up his mom had messed him up. Life is very complicated. The question always is how do you get your own needs met without hurting your loved ones. You can read the preview to my gay son’s story at my link: http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=12053 Steve-hpias wrote:Welcome Kevin! It’s great to have another musician here. What instruments do you play? Do you sing? You might’ve noticed that musicians and leaders have a long tradition of butting heads in the church. It’s been the cause of some of my struggles as well. As someone who’s been both a leader and a musician, you no doubt have an interesting perspective on this that I look forward to hearing about.
I didn’t know there was a correlation between being a musician and butting heads with leaders in the Church! I’m a professional musician as well. I gig regularly with a local group, holding down the bass chair. Also play in a rock band for fun. Teach music lessons — piano, guitar, bass. Butt heads with leaders in the Church too.
Why do you think there is such a correlation between being a musician and butting heads with leaders? Our innate desire for a lack of structure and creativity, and new ways of doing things, juxtaposed with the structure and mechanistic processes of the Church? And how did you fare being a leader and a musician at the same time?
I had my own struggles — primarily leading to frustration in not being able to experiment with new ways of doing things, along with being forced to keep trying to implement programs that in my view, had run their course long ago and weren’t likely to be effective without some changes.
I’m another musician butting heads with the church as an institution and I do think it is because I want less structure and more creativity in the way I live my life. Interesting. I’m a musician (vocal and instrumental) and natural mathematician who taught Social Studies – which might be why I’m as hard to figure out sometimes as I am. :ugeek: Old-Timer wrote:I’m a musician (vocal and instrumental) and natural mathematician who taught Social Studies – which might be why I’m as hard to figure out sometimes as I am.
:ugeek: I also teach statistics and math, in addition to the soft stuff, so I’m with you. Are we genetically predisposed to unusual amounts of angst given such dichotomies in our brains? A rhetorical question….
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