- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
nibbler wrote:
I remember a few cases from my mission (and I’ve heard other anecdotes) where someone wanted to go home and they endured days of fighting to have their wishes met. I don’t get it. These arevolunteers, volunteers that are paying their way to be there, yet we sometimes treat them like deserters in an army during wartime. I see this all over the place. In another context I work with people who are kind of like volunteers. I am routinely amazed at how the adminstrators in that volunteer organization treat volunteers like paid employees. So it’s not specific to the church. It’s almost like the administrators think that in being kind, they are being weak leaders.
I am very sensitive to that given my LDS experience. It has made me VERY respectful and thankful for volunteer efforts. VERY. And I think the best leaders are among the kindest on earth, and go out of their way to give their followers/volunteers as much choice as they can possibly give – while meeting their own organizational objectives AT THE SAME TIME.
I never LET people treat me like an employee in volunteer contexts anymore either — and definitely not IN the church. I object, set boundaries, and will start my own organizaion (and did) if I find the leadership sucks. So far the results have been good — strong retention of some of the most capable people I’ve ever worked with for periods of 3 years now. Very happy.
I guess this is one benefit of the terrible way we conscript our volunteers in our church — it made me a better leader the same way a child raised in an alcoholic family shuns alcohol entirely in his own family.
Thanks to the LDS church? I can’t bring myself to say it with any kind of commitment, as I had to suffer immensely to get to this point, and I could have learned the proper way to lead volunteers through positive example and positive training rather than bad, destructive conscription.
But back to management of missionaries — I think we are battling the vestiges of the old Scientific Management, Authoritarian, top down leadership style of the 50’s. That generation is dying off — I hope newer leaders provide a kinder, gentler style of leadership that builds, rather than tears down testimony.
nibbler wrote:
We aren’t good at listening to people and ministering to their needs at church but we’ve got a lot of practice telling people they need to get with the program.
There are two principles in psychology I see at work here:
1. The “Sunk Cost” fallacy. We see in the Church; i.e. the more we invest in something, the more we tend to stick with it, even when it’s obvious to everyone else it’s not working.
2. The “consistency principle”, which is the strong psychological need to be consistent with prior acts and statements.
The Church is fantastic on having us both make investments and “bare our testimony”. 3+ hours of Church each Sunday with 10% of your income is required. The more you invest, the more committed you become to that investment. The mission goes beyond, in requiring both a HUGE investment of our time and money, and asking us to “bare our testimony” 16 hours a day for two years straight. The Church strongly encourages this, and wisely so, in part because they know it’ll “increase our faith” i.e., our commitment to the Church.
The downside to this, is that our commitment remains strong, even when certain facets of the Church are damaging to us. Even further, it inhibits our ability to see the root of the problem.
It’s actually a miracle more doesn’t happen to them. Please bear in mind sexual assault does happen to men too. I’ve been sexually assaulted (not raped!) by a woman. It could have been much worse, but people are very dismissive of what happened because I am male.
Arrakeen wrote:I was in a first-world country which would hardly be considered a dangerous place, but still had my fair share of scary incidents and close calls. Several times I was sure I was about to be murdered.
There are many parts of the first world which are dangerous. Cities like London, Paris, Sydney, Hamburg etc all have very dangerous areas. Even smaller places like Brisbane, Dublin etc. Then you have Northern Ireland and the Basque country with a history of violence that is still going on, despite ceasefires… South Africa and Argentina which hover on the boundary between developed and indeveloped are also highly dangerous – and the police are a major issue.
Not to mention the USA and Canada….
nibbler wrote:
I remember a few cases from my mission (and I’ve heard other anecdotes) where someone wanted to go home and they endured days of fighting to have their wishes met. I don’t get it. These arevolunteers, volunteers that are paying their way to be there, yet we sometimes treat them like deserters in an army during wartime.
It seems a lot of mission presidents’ headaches could be solved simply by letting people go home when they want to. I see little point in keeping people there against their will.
LookingHard wrote:
I know that they often have a counselor that can be called upon (your mileage will vary), but I have been told that if you have more than 3 sessions your ticket is punched to go back home. This discourages going to the counselor.
We had a counselor who we could talk to on the phone once a week, but not in person. In person counseling was six sessions, then you go home. I did end up getting antidepressants from the mission doctor though.
LookingHard wrote:
“My testimony as his dad is teetering and it will not survive having another son sent to a slum where he has a companion that threatens to kill him
I had a very threatening companion who threatened to kill me on several occasions, but wasn’t able to open up to my parents about it until long after. After all, your companion is right next to you looking over your shoulder while you email as per mission rules. Companions are supposed to protect you, but all too often do just the opposite. To make things worse, my companion was a favorite project of the mission president, who kept him from going home at all costs hoping he would reform.I am very pleased that this article was written. I talked to DW about it and we both agreed that before now we had never heard of a missionary being raped. It is just not talked about. nibbler wrote:
I remember a few cases from my mission (and I’ve heard other anecdotes) where someone wanted to go home and they endured days of fighting to have their wishes met. I don’t get it. These are volunteers, volunteers that are paying their way to be there, yet we sometimes treat them like deserters in an army during wartime.
I believe that MP’s feel like any missionary sent home early is more likely to leave the church. We have a system where every young man is expected to serve a full two-year mission. It is a rite of passage. We have a system where young women are routinely encouraged to require missionary service of their potential marital suitors. I imagine that MP’s feel like they are failing on multiple levels whenever a missionary goes home early.
Roy wrote:
I am very pleased that this article was written. I talked to DW about it and we both agreed that before now we had never heard of a missionary being raped. It is just not talked about.
I suppose it’s easier to cover up than a kidnapping or murder.
Roy wrote:I am very pleased that this article was written. I talked to DW about it and we both agreed that before now we had never heard of a missionary being raped. It is just not talked about.
I have heard and read all kinds of stories about missionaries being injured or killed (accidental or otherwise). But like you I have never heard of a missionary being raped. I, too, am glad this is being brought to light. I bet there are more than these two women and they aren’t talking about it.
As I said earlier… it’s actually miraculous missionaries don’t get far more trouble. I served in Japan. One day, in a good-sized town, in a very safe neighborhood, my companion and I had a gun pointed at us, and we were threatened. I never told my parents (or fiancé, until after I returned home). I didn’t want them to worry.
Missions cannot be controlled fully. Mission Presidents often are over-confident, and they sometimes make stupid decisions. The extreme situations should be reported immediately to church leaders and parents.
PTSD and other issues are real and serious. We finally are recognizing this, as evidenced by the focus on not sending missionaries out into the field any longer who are attending or recently finished counseling, have major mental health issues, etc. There needs to be specific training about risk and incident management, if it isn’t happening already, and reporting (again, including parents) should be mandatory.
Old Timer wrote:
I served in Japan. One day, in a good-sized town, in a very safe neighborhood, my companion and I had a gun pointed at us, and we were threatened.
Very surprised by that. Japan is probably one of the safest countries to visit – notwithstanding its propensity for natural disasters (could say the same about Iceland). Petty crime is very uncommon there. I never felt threatened visiting there (I even spent ome night on the street due to a mix up, which would be unthinkable in this country). The Japanese do have a strong xenophobic street, but I really think you were extremely unlucky there.
I did a post on this because I was thinking so much about it: https://bycommonconsent.com/2018/08/31/missionary-safety-brainstorming/ Very interesting post. RE: RMN’s comments about missionary safety I remember the mission president when we were working in New Zealand speak in stake conference and tell a story about one of his elders that was on his bike and hit by a car. After bouncing off he got up, brushed himself off, and GQ’d the driver, the implication that since he was faithful, he was bullet proof. After the closing prayer I was going to go up and ask him about the elder back in Washington where we lived that was killed making a turn on his bike but my wife stopped me. When it comes down to it the only thing we’re entitled to is to roll the dice and take our chances and any thought otherwise is just self righteous arrogance and magical thinking. GBSmith wrote:I was going to go up and ask him about the elder back in Washington where we lived that was killed making a turn on his bike but my wife stopped me. When it comes down to it the only thing we’re entitled to is to roll the dice and take our chances and any thought otherwise is just self righteous arrogance and magical thinking.
I think this kind of thing needs to be said over the pulpit in today’s world instead of holding our tongue and leaving the impression that the righteous are saved, and if not…maybe there was something they did wrong. Because…like you said…it’s a roll of the dice.
The rest is just story telling to prop up a false sense of security in this unsafe and angry world.
There is such a thing as the Stockton paradox. Those with overly optimistic false hopes are the first to die. Those with real awareness of the dangers at hand, but courageous and determined to face the worst case scenario are survivors.
We shouldn’t live life in fear. But also not want fairy tales and make believe happily ever afters. There is a balance.
I am glad these are being talked about. It is better for the future waves of missionaries.
BTW…my daughter recently worked with Camille (from the article) and said she was a really really cool person and she has a ton of respect for her. She is a strong person who is not bitter nor is ruined by this. Some people don’t have a choice but just move forward after events like these, and it is not easy to talk about, but worth it for someone else’s sake. I respect her too.
I served in Austria in 1969-71. Looking back, I can see how dangerous a mission can be. Just tracking door to door, you never know who is behind a door and could attack you. We had guys in underwear greet us at the door who welcomed us to come in and ‘teach them the gospel.” We had mentally ill people jump and scream at us. Once, we had a peeping tom watch us sleeping. When we opened our bedroom door in the apartment with many other rooms, this guy stood there in his underwear leering at us. We screamed and scared us to death. Lastly, a drunk Turk attacked my companion and I while walking home from church. He punched my companion in the stomach and chin and kicked her in the back on her bad knees she was to have surgery on. I had an asthma attack and started screaming. Luckily, two elders heard us and came to our aid. They dragged him to the police station but the police only wanted to know where he had touched us and had dirty minds. We were told that women out on the street after 8 pm were considered hookers in the area we worked in. Since we knew God allows free agency and rarely interferes in that, I knew bad things can happen. One companion hit on me sexually while I was sleeping one night. I froze and it scared the living daylights out of me. In the morning I told her that I did not understand why she did that but that it better not happen again. Some how these stories never get told in our fast and testimony meetings. bridget_night wrote:
Some how these stories never get told in our fast and testimony meetings.
The only things that get told in testimony meeting, and in Church in general, are those which are testimony promoting. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous, fringe doctrine, or outright false it may be, if it in some way promotes testimony it is accepted. Anything which diminishes testimony is looked down on… and often punished. Which I think is what’s at the heart of the problem.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.