Slipping away to insanity

[Anonymous]

Ok most of you will have read my introduction and other posts

One thing I am not sure if I have made clear is that I suffer from stress related depression and am really starting to struggle now

The mishies came over on sunday – which was kinda nice to see them.

Right now though I feel inside both heart and mind that half of me is wanting to go back to church and get active again

The other half is really unsure because of so many issues that I have had –

I know you cant make choices for me I just am really struggling and feel like I have nowhere to turn

The missionaries are ok as long as I dont deviate too far from their standard lessons – fair enough I guess young “green” inexperienced-in-life young men who seem to be very much “yes” people

They can beleive without picking things apart or needing a deeper understanding

Very unlike me or any of you lol

The Bishop is a great guy – recently called in the last year or so I think – a good friend anyway before he was called. He is a very busy man though – his wife has just had her 2nd baby in the last few weeks so I understand that its not that easy for him to come over to talk things over with me

I am not following a lot of what the Gospel preaches

I mean sure Im trying to be a “nice” person, charitable with time and what little money I have

I try to not be judgemental

and all that stuff

But as for words of wisdom – thats out of the window right now

A lot of missionarries say that if you beleive the BoM to be true then all of the church must be true

or if Henry Eyring is the Prophet then it traces back all the way to Joseph Smith – then the Bom then the whole thing must be true

So you can see that they can state that opinion for nearly every major thing in the church

For me its not that way, its like a house of cards for me it all stacks together, and if you take out one card slowly but surely the whole house falls down.

I know im going on a bit but I need to vent my fears a bit

Im really unsure and if anyone can offer any insight – any advice – or words of comfort I would greatly appreciate it

[Anonymous]

Hey bud, hang in there. It sounds like you are going through a rough patch. Lord knows there are plenty of things for people to get stressed about these days.

magicmusician wrote:

The missionaries are ok as long as I dont deviate too far from their standard lessons – fair enough I guess young “green” inexperienced-in-life young men who seem to be very much “yes” people

One of the great strengths about our young missionaries is their youthful zeal and idealism. Those are perfect qualities for doing missionary work. They are also the worst qualities to have for other important tasks — like helping people with deeply complex issues in life and faith. I’m not saying they can’t do it, but they are going to lack experience with life. You are going to get the idealistic and cookie-cutter answers from them when you ask questions.

magicmusician wrote:

But as for words of wisdom – thats out of the window right now

Please don’t beat yourself up too much about this. I don’t know what your particular issues are with the WofW. I really wish that people in our Church didn’t make as big a deal about this as they do. It clearly wasn’t that way for most of the history of our Church. It is a nice ideal. People should follow it according to their faith. I believe there is a lot of truth to be discovered in the WofW, but it should never bring someone to the point of wanting to quit being a part of the community. This is just my personal experience with it right now, and I have followed the WofW to different degrees over my life, but I really don’t think God cares that much about it. I don’t think it is a extreme as a lot of Church members make it out to be — like a single sip of tea might taint your soul for all eternity. I wish it wasn’t such a strong cultural identity. But that is just me right now.

For what it’s worth, I do not follow an orthodox practice of the WofW either right now. I was pretty bad as a teenager, being depressed and self destructive. I followed normal standards when I went on a mission, and for the next 20 years after that. I am back to a much more liberal and broad view of it. If you are having trouble with something and it is harming you, that is a priority to work on. Don’t let slips in orthodox WofW practice take you out of the game. Do you know what I mean? If there is a devil called Satan, and he really does try to trick us, then that has to be his favorite tactic — stop playing the game because you made a mistake. You aren’t good enough to be with the “good” people. You aren’t welcome. That is big load of BS! Whatever it is, don’t let it take you out of the game.

magicmusician wrote:

For me its not that way, its like a house of cards for me it all stacks together, and if you take out one card slowly but surely the whole house falls down.

I have a different idea. Let’s assume the Gospel is a deck of cards. People take those cards and build a house of cards with them. Yes, if you take out one card, or if someone walks past you and creates a little breeze, the whole thing comes crashing down. It’s an intricit, delicately balanced structure that can’t withstand the slightest wind. It’s all or nothing. Sure, that is one way to use the deck of cards.

How about we do something else instead. We’ll take the deck and lay all the cards out on the table. We can leave them flat and make observations. We can swish them around or sort them into patterns. We can tell stories with them. We can put some back in the box if aren’t using them. I do that … I guess it means I am not playing with a full deck 😆 . My whole point is that we can enjoy the cards lots of ways. We don’t have to build up a big fragile house out of them.

Hang in the bud!

[Anonymous]

thanks for your thoughts and words

the WoW for me is more of i like the occasional drink

I nowhere near am an alcoholic – i cant drink enough to do that lol

but its the occasional drink with a meal or a drink with some friends

i dont smoke – dont like the smell

the missionarries like you say are great at what they are there for and are also great at service! lol

i remember how great the mishies were when I was investigating – awesome guys totally

i think also – part of the issue is also in an article on mormon matters – testimony is not enough

each new convert needs friends in the ward

and the article states rightly that so do the other members

I am not so sure I have a “good” friend in the ward

I am friendly with a lot of them – but thats not the same

Thanks for your thoughts about how to use the deck of cards – its an interesting one.

I will keep you posted – oh ad btw i have made a commitment to myself to go to church on the next fast/testimony sunday. (it is just a bit lighter i guess)

[Anonymous]

First and foremost thought:

Are you taking medication for the depression? If not, find something that will work. Modern medicine is a blessing, and medication for depression especially is of God, imo. Nobody in their right mind would say my diabetic son shouldn’t take insulin; nobody in their right mind would suggest that my mother shouldn’t take her “sleeping pills” (she has a rare form of unique schizophrenia); nobody in their right mind SHOULD tell someone who is struggling with depression to not take medication for it – at the very least to stabilize as they look for a non-medical alternative.

I absolutely LOVE the idea (whether it’s true or not) that Utah is the leading consumer of depression meds. LOVE IT; LOVE IT; LOVE IT!! Even if it isn’t really true (and I’ve seen studies that dispute the conclusions), the idea is wonderful to me. Disabilities of all kinds should be addressed without stigmatization, and depression (bi-polar disorder, various manic manifestations, etc.) especially should be treated in whatever way works for each individual.

/off of soapbox/

[Anonymous]

Yep I have been trying anti depressants but so far have not found the “right” one

ah well back to dr’s i go lol

[Anonymous]

I hope you don’t let your perceived “nourishment sins” keep you from receiving spiritual nourishment at Church. If perfect compliance to all laws was a requirement for church attendance… well … let’s face it: sacrament would be a lot more reverent, because the building would be empty!

It makes me laugh when people get so dogmatic about alcohol. After all, the Savior’s first recorded miracle was to create *gasp* wine, and he will enjoy a drink with us when he returns http://scriptures.lds.org/en/matt/26#29, Matthew 26:29.

I’m with the others — please make sure you’re getting the right help from your dr for your depression.

[Anonymous]

OK well since I posted this topic I ahve posted another one

but thought Id update here too

I am going to church on the 1st march

going to aim to stay for all three sessions

i kinda miss priesthood and sunday school

the chance to study and discuss the scriptures is something which im kinda looking forward too

I am not totally ready to jump in head first with the whole LDS Lifestyle yet

Im happy where I am for now

Try to be a good person

charitable and all that stuff

Ive decided that If I get touched spiritually then the rest should fall into place a little at a time

if i go on testimony day and dont feel anything – then maybe im not receptive or now isnt the right time

But if i do feel something positive then other parts will come

right?

[Anonymous]

Line upon line, precept upon precept is a pretty good motto, I think.

I hope everything goes well, but we are here no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Keep us posted MM. For me personally I find I’m more edified the more open I am. I try to consider the intent from the heart of the person that is talking or commenting (what they mean to say – not always what they actually say).

[Anonymous]

Quote:

“Please don’t beat yourself up too much about this. I don’t know what your particular issues are with the WofW. I really wish that people in our Church didn’t make as big a deal about this as they do. It clearly wasn’t that way for most of the history of our Church. It is a nice ideal. People should follow it according to their faith. I believe there is a lot of truth to be discovered in the WofW, but it should never bring someone to the point of wanting to quit being a part of the community. This is just my personal experience with it right now, and I have followed the WofW to different degrees over my life, but I really don’t think God cares that much about it. I don’t think it is a extreme as a lot of Church members make it out to be — like a single sip of tea might taint your soul for all eternity. I wish it wasn’t such a strong cultural identity. But that is just me right now.

For what it’s worth, I do not follow an orthodox practice of the WofW either right now. I was pretty bad as a teenager, being depressed and self destructive. I followed normal standards when I went on a mission, and for the next 20 years after that. I am back to a much more liberal and broad view of it. If you are having trouble with something and it is harming you, that is a priority to work on. Don’t let slips in orthodox WofW practice take you out of the game. Do you know what I mean? If there is a devil called Satan, and he really does try to trick us, then that has to be his favorite tactic — stop playing the game because you made a mistake. You aren’t good enough to be with the “good” people. You aren’t welcome. That is big load of BS! Whatever it is, don’t let it take you out of the game.”

Man, do I wish this site had been around years ago. I left the church over WofW issues. When I was a young teen and was into drugs I actually had the bishopric tell me if I didn’t stop I would be excommunicated. I didn’t even possess the M priesthood, so doubt that was even a possibility. But boy did it jade me. I understand the point of the WofW but I too wish it wasn’t such a big deal in the church. I might still be an active member if it wasn’t. As it happened I have been a lifelong abuser of alcohol. That isn’t the church’s fault but I can’t help but wonder if that had not been such a hang-up if I would have stuck around and maybe, eventually, found a way out. I’ve heard this is an issue for the church worldwide, where, esp alcohol, is such a part of some cultures that the thought of giving it up just seems absurd. I heard a story one time about missionaries in an east European country trying to tell a new member that he couldn’t drink anymore and he said, I don’t. They had to point out to him that he drinks beer. He said that’s not drinking. Agreed!

[Anonymous]

Quote:

(what they mean to say – not always what they actually say)

Exactly, Orson. None of us can avoid saying things occasionally in a way / wording that sounds different than we mean it. Therefore, I try to see if there is a way to interpret what is being said so that it’s not offensive – so there’s something I can learn from it. Sometimes, what is said really is just offensive, but generally I can find a way to take something positive from it.

[Author]

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