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So…. Long story short. I had a great home life growing up. I had great leaders, and wonderful parents. I really have nothing to complain about in that regard. Few, if any (aside from maybe GA kids) grew up much more “Mormon” than I did. Grew up in Utah, father was a professor of religion at BYU, went on family trips to church history sites, trips to Jerusalem, served a mission, married a beautiful girl in the temple, we then both graduated from BYU, and lived happy ever after……well not exactly.
The questions started appearing about 2007. Questions about polygamy mostly. I let it ride for a few years and still participated normally. My wife knew of my questions, but was content that I still “did everything.” I then had a significant person in my life die, and then the questions of priesthood blessings and patriarchal blessings came. This started my slow dissent until the present. As I really take a look at church history I have a hard time finding much believable as far as what I have been told to believe my entire life. So to put it into percentages: 99% disbelief, 1% maybe.
So I really don’t have anything against the church. I don’t particularly like its willingness to hide-away the complete truth of church history, but I still don’t hate the church. My wife is still true to the faith, and my children follow her lead. I still attend church but will not accept a calling that requires testifying. I really don’t want to be there, but that would be too much for my wife. So at present I go. I told my wife I don’t wish to pay tithing (tough for her). My 3rd child is up for baptism, and now I get to deal with that.
I am usually not someone who writes on these types of forums, but I feel like my vascular system is being pulled from my body. It is uncomfortable and have few to talk to. I can’t talk about a lot with my wife, because I do not wish to hurt her. Most of my friends are not LDS and don’t get it, and my friends that are don’t want to hear it. So that leaves me to discuss things with myself, which can’t be healthy
So I thought I would try this…
Your story is similar to mine, except for the church history trips. 🙂 Talking to my wife about the issues I have with the church has been difficult and I’m in the early stages of discussing things with her.This forum is a great place to discuss these issues and find a path that works for you. You do need a good outlet for your issues and this forum definitely helps provide that.
I wish you all the best, welcome to the forum.
Welcome. Hopefully discussion here can help you while you sort things out. I’m new too, but this does seem like a generally positive forum to work things out in. Welcome to StayLDS. You’re in a good place. Your percentages sound a bit like mine at the moment. The people here have wonderful and varied perspectives, which makes for refreshing and helpful conversations about anything and everything. Welcome. We don’t have any universal answers here – except that we each need to find a way to worship according to the dictates of our own consciences and, hopefully, stay LDS while doing so. I’ve known people who attended church with their families for many years as non-members, non-believing members, partially active members, etc. – and the key, every single time, was that they were comfortable with themselves and their own personal reasons for doing so. Not caring what others want from you is incredibly liberating, while respecting the need to “do no harm”, since it allows you to be true to yourself but not need to vent or spiel or risk hurting others.
Internal peace is wonderful – and it can be gained in the LDS Church no matter one’s doctrinal outlook. Sometimes it requires an attitude of being a non-member in mind and/or spirit and a member in body, but it can be gained.
Welcome CD, cognitive-d wrote:I then had a significant person in my life die, and then the questions of priesthood blessings and patriarchal blessings came.
Are these questions of general effectiveness and ability to determine future events or other?
We seem to have much in common: My faith crisis catalyst was also a death, I don’t pay tithing or hold a calling at the momment, DW is the more traditional in her belief and I’m trying to figure out my daughters upcoming baptism in a few months.
I had a surprise meeting with the bishop about a month back that seemed to go pretty well and I believe that I will be allowed to baptise (and possibly confirm) DD in the months ahead. I believe this is because:
1) The church handbook states that a father does not need to be temple “worthy” to baptise (although it is still left to the discretion of the bishop)
2) My bishop is a good man (not vindictive or punative)
3) I’ve been fairly vague in admitting to general doubts but also holding onto hope and faith of what I haven’t seen but I want to be true.
I posted a thread of our conversation here. It may help, especially if you haven’t already discussed your doubts with your bishop.
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=4587 This is definately a safe place to figure things out. Again, welcome.
Roy, Thanks for the reply. Priesthood blessings and such seem a bit of a farse for me. This may seem a bit steep but this is what I see. If someone gives someone a blessing of healing and they die, then the people of the church rationalize and say that God didn’t want it, or the person spoke what was in his heart and not what God wanted. If the give the same blessing and the person heals, it is a miraclous event for all to hear. We talk about the great power that is the preisthood, but I have yet to see anyone who can actually control it. It seems so coincidental. I think some of these events started me down the road, but its the history of the church that really gets to me.
As far as my daughter and her baptism, I am not really sure. The bishop now was one of the bishopbric members when I asked to be released from the bishopbric. So I am sure he knows that I have have doubts to be sure, however, the Bishop does not know the extent of my unbelief.
I’ll look at yo9ur thread. Thanks
MayB- Good to know you are at the same point I am.
Deepthinker– if you are the son of a religion teacher, we likely know eachothers family….small world.
Hi welcome to the forum (and benbritton too – I think I missed your intro). It’s a good place to be. I like the balance and counter-balance in this group. People are respectful but also real.
cognitive-d wrote:Priesthood blessings and such seem a bit of a farse for me. This may seem a bit steep but this is what I see. If someone gives someone a blessing of healing and they die, then the people of the church rationalize and say that God didn’t want it, or the person spoke what was in his heart and not what God wanted. If the give the same blessing and the person heals, it is a miraclous event for all to hear. We talk about the great power that is the preisthood, but I have yet to see anyone who can actually control it. It seems so coincidental. I think some of these events started me down the road, but its the history of the church that really gets to me.
DW and I have had the “subjectivity of blessings” talk many times. DW was telling another sister in the ward how our old clunker of a car has continued to run long after we both thought it would die and this sister said that it was a “tithing blessing” (not knowing that we don’t pay tithing). Very much a perspective thing.
I personally like Father’s blessings and continue to give them to my kids at the beginning of the school year. I don’t have any special premonitions. I just express my loving desires for my kids over the coming year. (My 5 yr. old squirmed through much of it and then said, “Are you done yet?” I decided to wrap it up.)
I believe that I would get more out of my patriarchal blessing if it was from my Father or Grandfather rather than someone that I only met the one time. I really like the patriarchal blessing that Aeseal Smith (grandfather to JS) gave in his last will and testament. Lucy Mack Smith also reportedly had a penchant for blessing people.
For my internal assumptive world to remain consistent I must believe that God either never intervenes in human affairs or almost never intervenes. I make no claims about how God actually operates, just that my belief is an internal workaround patch to avoid revisiting painful and largely unanswerable questions all the time. (Example: God could be totally capricious but the idea is frustrating so I don’t go there)
History is pretty nutty and amazing all at the same time. On one hand – they followed their leader out to the desert, believed God commanded extra-monogomous relationships, and even invented their own alphabet. On the other hand- many as individuals displayed incredible sacrifice, courage, and character and as a group they were able to accomplish some pretty impressive things.
Welcome to the group. I am fairly new too, and have found this site to be very helpful. It is hard when there is no one to talk to. Now you have a great outlet. I hope it helps you too. Harmony
Welcome. Like many others here, you and I have some things in common and other things are different. I certainly agree with your assessment of blessings. I often wonder at the miracles people report, when laying in the next bed is a person who didn’t get a blessing but has the same (or maybe even better) outcome. I do believe miracles are possible, and I do believe there could be power in a priesthood blessing – but I think both are very, very rare and most of what is attributed to either is nothing more than the way things are meant to be. Our biggest commonality, however, is that I don’t have anyone to talk to , either. My wife is also faithful as are the children. Others in the church really don’t want to hear it, and I’ve learned to be careful what I share with them anyway. There is great value in being able to have discussions here and share your feelings as appropriate. I sincerely hope you find the value in this place that I have found.
cognitive-d wrote:
It is uncomfortable and have few to talk to. I can’t talk about a lot with my wife, because I do not wish to hurt her. Most of my friends are not LDS and don’t get it, and my friends that are don’t want to hear it. So that leaves me to discuss things with myself, which can’t be healthy
Glad you’re here. I like that we can vent as needed, but it’s mostly discussion.
If you are interested in how I view Priesthood blessings, read the following post I wrote on my personal blog back in 2011: “
Blessings Include the Prayer of Faith” ( http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2011/04/blessings-include-prayer-of-faith.html The last sentence is:
Quote:“I’m glad I waded through the “common” ones enough to experience the “uncommon” ones.”
I would probably agree with you, priesthood blessings are a farce as far as controlling the universe outside of us. But if you look at the comfort and direction priesthood blessings can give to a person struggling for direction, they can be special.
There is so much that depends on our point of view. Perhaps, God nudges you to a place outside your comfort zone so you can learn to see things differently. Perhaps God does nothing and you just grow to a new point where what you thought as a child is no longer satisfying to your current experiences.
Either way, you can choose how to proceed. There are ways to stay in the church and make it work even after “the bubble” bursts.
That’s what we are all here supporting each other for. I’m glad you have joined out discussions.
I look forward to learning from your posts.
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