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Well, I guess my DH had a long talk with his sister about his current testimony struggles. He also told her all about my journey and looking into church history and blah, blah, blah. Since it is my fault he is struggling. So, according to his sister Satan has been trying to get a hold of DH for a long time and he has figured out his weakness. His love for me. Yup, Satan is using me to get to my DH.
His sister also mentioned how whe started looking at some of the “bad things” in the church a few years ago and her DH pulled her out of it. Basically, she believes you just have to ignore everything bad and believe and be obedient.
I guess what frustrates me is that my DH really liked this answer and now I feel like he thinks I am under the influence of Satan-at least I know his sister does. Oh, and I really don’t like that he talked about me without my permission. I guess I understand, but it feels kinda icky since it painted me in a negative light.
Thanks for letting me vent!
just me wrote:Basically, she believes you just have to ignore everything bad and believe and be obedient.
There should be an acronym for this, unless TBM is what that really means.
Good luck, just me.
Same thing happened when my DW talked to her sister about me, except my SIL is an obvious wack-job so it helped my DW see how upside-down that kind of thinking is. Yeah, for me!
I still haven’t had “the talk” with my in-laws, so I can’t say whether it gets better after that, but I am finding peace in detachment. I’ve got all of my chips on “love will overcome anything”, fwiw.
*SIGH*That’s all. My prayers are with you.
How can anyone say it better than that, Ray? Do you think this is where your DH will land with regards to his knew opinion?
Sometimes someones perspective sounds really good to me and then I will sit back and ponder a bit and then realize where maybe it isn’t the best way to think.
I am sorry that you are in this position. Having religious differences or a religious switch can disrupt a marriage. But I hope you two can figure out a way to travel the road with mutual support and kinda get rid of this new wedge between you.
just me wrote:Thanks for letting me vent!
The whole thing seems so grade school…hope you can see it that way. It’s always a nice cop-out to blame things on “Satan.” It’s pretty hard to have a constructive dialogue about that. Guess that’s why “he’s” been in our mythologies for so long.
I think it’s helpful to get to a place where you can see each person as doing the best they can with what they’ve been given; and it ain’t your responsibility to fix them. Learn to find your own happiness and peace without needing their approval. If you can truly do that, they’ll come around.
Rix, I think you nailed it for me. It all boils down to me wanted to be perceived in a good light. I don’t really have a problem with them believing whatever feels good and right to them, but would rather it didn’t involve me being a tool of Satan. LOL And I’m sad that my husbands love for me is a weakness!?!? I thought it was a strength. I think my DH is just so busy he doesn’t have time to “search, ponder and pray” so the road of obedience to the church is much easier and safer for him right now. And maybe that is where he is supposed to be in his journey right now. That is okay. Poppyseed, I am pretty sure DH will not be able to go back to his previous view of things-we all know that once changed you can’t ever be exactly the same again. Who knows what the future holds.
He also said something about me being bitter which kinda struck me because I have actually never felt bitterness during my journey. Deep sorrow and mourning, yes, but those are different. That’s not to say that bitterness isn’t a valid part of the process. I guess I just felt misunderstood when he said that. UGH, and to think he told his sister that.
I just wish we could all be secure enough in our own path that we could acknowledge the validity of other’s paths, though they may differ. I’m working on it, but it is a hard one.
The devil didn’t make you do it. The devil can’t make you do anything. 🙄 In the immortal words of Calvin and Hobbs “humans don’t need any help” *laugh*I can see that his talking with Sis could hurt and honestly all I can think to say is tell him that it hurt you. Let him know how much you love him and how you hope you come first in his life. That you are trying to work through things, to gain understanding. This isn’t bad at all. Knowladge and understanding are of God “the glory of God is intelligance”.
In her autobiography Sue Monk Kidd talks about the struggles in a marriage when one partner is on a spiritual journy and the other doesn’t get it or doesn’t support it. Honestly it doesn’t always work out. I’ve only looked into the history a tinny bit, but I realize that this can be hard for others. For me I have come to the understanding that the Church and its governing athorities are not perfect. The Church has and will always change to help us change into better people. I wouldn’t just toss a kind of blame off on Satan, but perhaps more on the foibles of Man.
Ask for support from your Spouse and family. let them know that you are tying to grow spiritually and this is how you and our HPs are refining you. And know that you are not alone in your journey.
Quote:I just wish we could all be secure enough in our own path that we could acknowledge the validity of other’s paths, though they may differ. I’m working on it, but it is a hard one.
This IS a hard one! One that needs lots of repeated, refocused practice. So much easier when we feel the validation from others. I spose we just have to give the validation to ourselves sometimes…..and then let our spouses and annoying SIL’s to struggle in their own limitations for a while.
Its now been a few years but because of some very painful family circumstances/revelations, my entire inlaw family turned against me. I felt the attacks as the scriptural corrections came flying. I knew they didn’t know my heart….or even stop to think about the truth of things as they reacted defensively and reactively because of their pain. It was a very lonely road and one that contributed to my crisis of faith, but one that taught me more about being ok with my journey even though the world seemed to scoff at it. And now….after all this time, some of them are coming around. A few even admitted to me that I had done nothing to hurt them but they were blinded by their own pain. It was rather validating to have at least some of them return to center.
Maybe your SIL will come round too. Who knows maybe this is exactly the situation she needs to push her in that direction.
Best wishes to you. I will send up some prayer thoughts in your direction.
Accept my sincerest sympathies just me. I have done this with people in my family too. It is not fun. My approach, in the past, has been to build upon the things I have in common with people, and avoid the issues where there is discrepancy. I try to approach people as individuals who are just trying to do what they think is best.
just me, have you read the “I Don’t Buy It” thread? If not, I would suggest that article HIGHLY for you. Sorry to hear about that. Satan is used way too often to shift attention away from the real problems. In the case of Church history, it might be Satan trying to make you feel doubt. The solution is to stop looking at the thing causing us pain. Sure. Ok. Focus on that instead of actually dealing with the problem and finding a resolution.
Valoel wrote:Sorry to hear about that.
Satan is used way too often to shift attention away from the real problems. In the case of Church history, it might be Satan trying to make you feel doubt. The solution is to stop looking at the thing causing us pain. Sure. Ok. Focus on that instead of actually dealing with the problem and finding a resolution.
So, maybe their fear stops them from working through the issues. I was afraid when I first embarked on this journey, but I felt God calling me to it so I pushed on. I can understand their fear and that they would in turn be afraid of what I am doing. A fear of pain and change are natural. Of course that doesn’t stop them from happening….
I feel so much more peace and connection to God/Spirit in this journey, though. It really is so worth it. That is what I wish they could see and understand. Maybe in time…
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