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You all know me. You also know I’m single and dating… Felt a pang of deep sorrow inside today. I frequent the online dating sites. When you work hours like I do, that is the way you meet people–sometimes the ONLY way. Of course I see a lot of women on those sites, looking themselves for relationships. (Now whether you agree with this approach or not is NOT the purpose of this post.)
I can tell a lot about someone from their picture. I can also tell a lot with how they present their profile. Well, as I was browsing, I was struck by what felt like a profound expression of overwhelming loneliness that seemes to dominate sites like this. People are alone, they hurt, and they cry out, almost like children with: “Why won’t you love me!” I can see it in their eyes. I can hear it in their words.
When I meet people, especially those who are in less than great marriages, I often see the same hollow empty pain. And, on the heals of that, I can’t even imagine the pain LGBT people go through when they are faced with dealing with this loneliness for at least the rest of their lives, and
perhapsthe rest of eternity. This world is filled with immense loneliness–deep, hollow, unmet yearning and pain. For a moment there, I had to step away and just steady myself. I felt a deep sorrow almost overwhelm me for a moment. It was surreal…
People become desperate. Both men and women begin to lower their standards, doing almost anything they can, to reach out and attract someone to even feign love their direction. Depression is common among the lonesome. It is not good for man or woman to be alone,…and yet it is such a big portion of our world.
On the heals of this moment I also found myself thinking about how LDS people are supposed to deal with such things–because this is NOT unique just to this faith tradition,..not by a long shot. I didn’t go far with those thoughts,…because I had to get back to work.
But, can I just say the symbolic analogy of “lone and dreary wilderness” makes more sense to me every day. This world can be a most inhospitable place.
When I see people suffer, it bothers me. I was touched today by brushing up against those who are filled with being alone, some approaching desperation to deal with it, and even in a tiny way beginning to understand why there are some who stop living and become hollow shells of people. Some even do the only thing they feel they can…they end it.
I do not have SAD (seasonal affective disorder),..but can I say in honesty, I sure hope the sun comes out soon. I need it.
My heart goes out to you bud. I have had some of the same thoughts about how many people are not able to get (and keep) a good relationship. We are absolutely wired to be in relationships, but it is an area filled with land mines.
Rob said: Quote:I do not have SAD (seasonal affective disorder),..but can I say in honesty, I sure hope the sun comes out soon. I need it.
I believe that this has something to do with what you’re feeling. I have noticed emotional lows in the months with less sunshine. And corresponding
highs in the summer with more sunshine. I don’t consider it a disorder. I do think it is a natural rhythm of the body & mind.
I have question…are there LDS dating sites? Just curious.
Minyan Man wrote:Rob said:
Quote:I do not have SAD (seasonal affective disorder),..but can I say in honesty, I sure hope the sun comes out soon. I need it.
I believe that this has something to do with what you’re feeling. I have noticed emotional lows in the months with less sunshine. And corresponding
highs in the summer with more sunshine. I don’t consider it a disorder. I do think it is a natural rhythm of the body & mind.
I have question…are there LDS dating sites? Just curious.
Lots of LDS dating sites. I don’t frequent them. I’m not LDS at this point. I have gotten tired of everyone wanting a temple marriage.
I was listening to a radio interview the other day. They were interviewing an author who wrote a book about loneliness. Apparently, in the 1980’s, 20% of the US population considered themselves lonely. Now it is 40%. As they talked of all the research done on loneliness, it was amazing, to see the huge impact it has had on society. It is interesting, that as a society, we have not addressed this. It affects so much in so many ways. And yes, this truly can be a lone and dreary world.
My unsolicited advice: Maybe look and see if there is an “Events and Adventures” chapter in your city. Some of my single friends have had very good experiences with that organization.
amateurparent wrote:I was listening to a radio interview the other day. They were interviewing an author who wrote a book about loneliness. Apparently, in the 1980’s, 20% of the US population considered themselves lonely. Now it is 40%. As they talked of all the research done on loneliness, it was amazing, to see the huge impact it has had on society. It is interesting, that as a society, we have not addressed this. It affects so much in so many ways.
And yes, this truly can be a lone and dreary world.
My unsolicited advice: Maybe look and see if there is an “Events and Adventures” chapter in your city. Some of my single friends have had very good experiences with that organization.
There are a lot of things and places to get involved. I have more of a social live than MANY I see around me, including those who are married even. I have a little boy I know of who I am a surrogate father for–he has some real struggles, and I’m able to work with him in ways that make a big difference. I’m grateful for those opportunities–they are everywhere.
Anyway,…your comments about the increase in loneliness?…VERY interesting. I believe it. I really do. I see it everywhere…
Rob4 – I’ve read similar things about the rise in loneliness even as people rack up hundreds of Facebook friends. It’s going to be interesting eventually to have the final word on the impact of social media. Rob4Hope wrote:
There are a lot of things and places to get involved. I have more of a social live than MANY I see around me, including those who are married even. I have a little boy I know of who I am a surrogate father for–he has some real struggles, and I’m able to work with him in ways that make a big difference. I’m grateful for those opportunities–they are everywhere.:thumbup: I think modern technology, increased focus on unique self-actualization, and expectations of being able to do more combine to increase our connected loneliness. Communication like we have here is wonderful – truly wonderful, but if it becomes a substitute for traditional, interpersonal relationships it can be a negative.
While I can nitpick about and even disagree with some of the things Church leaders say about modern technology, they are correct about its negative potential to disconnect people from each other through a false sense of connectedness.
Rob, I hope you are able to find some good people to interact with. Human Beings are exceptionally social creatures. Whether God made us this way or our existence is a wonderful accident, I know we are not meant to be alone.
I hope this forum helps… I know it does help me in a certain compartment of my mind.
On Own Now wrote:Rob,
I hope you are able to find some good people to interact with. Human Beings are exceptionally social creatures. Whether God made us this way or our existence is a wonderful accident, I know we are not meant to be alone.
I hope this forum helps… I know it does help me in a certain compartment of my mind.
Oh…I get lonely…but I do have lots of interaction. This thread was not about me perse–it was about what I just recently brushed up against — what got me thinking was how widespread the loneliness really was. MASSIVE. There are people out there dying from the heartache.
At one time I was QUITE empathic…very much so: I could plug into others emotional feelings at a profound level. When someone would cry, I would cry. When someone would smile and laugh,..I would just plug in. It is a wonderful ability, but also a curse. I don’t have that as much now–some of it has been lost because of how overwhelming it could be.
Sometimes it comes up–and when I reach out with feelings, I get hit with a waves. Loneliness, as though people are emotionally starving in a very real way, is a common and overwhelming sensation. And, its growing…. That is the part I don’t like…its growing.
Acceptance is our biggest desire. Rejection our biggest fear.
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