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I was talking to my good Danish friend on Skype the other day. I was partly responsible for bringing him to the church about 5 years ago. There are many things he likes about the church and will not let go of those good things, but as many of you, he became disturbed over things he learned through church history and falliable leaders. He is no longer active, but he enjoys having the young missionaries over for dinner. He said that hardly anyone from the wards ever invites them for dinner and they are really poor and could use good meals. The missionaries have always loved him because he has such a great sense of humor and feeds them such good food. Well, he had two sister missionaries over the other day. One was from Utah and the other from Texas. The one from Texas was a greeny (only out about 6 weeks) and the Danish language is so hard for her. She was so happy that he could speak English so well. They had a blast and of course loved his special sense of humor. Of course they finally asked why he was not active anymore, and he told them a few reasons without being negative about the church. He does not want to disillioun them or destroy their faith so he told them first all the good things he loves about the church. Then he mentioned Joseph Smith’s 32 wives and the William Law story and that he felt JS was a fallen prophet. The young sister from Texas said, “JS had 32 wives? I never knew that. I thought it was only his beloved Emma.” She was in shock. I had given my Danish friend the cd, “Errand of Angels” last year when I visited him in Europe about sister missionaries in Austria (where I served.) So, he showed them that video and told them that as long as they brought people to Christ, by example or teaching, they will be successful. He told them to go by their intuition and the spirit rather than by the letter of the law mission rules. I thought he handled it very well. The thing I thought was so interesting was how these sisters had absolutely no clue that JS had any other wives. It kind of shook them up. With new converts and members being fed only what the church wants them to know, how do they deal with the negative stuff when they hear it? I guess it’s like when a couple get married and they find out stuff about each other later that is hard to deal with. For example, I know a number of couples where the guy had a same-sex attraction but was told by his bishop to never tell his fiance or wife about it. That turned into disasters. So, my question is: How much of the bad or negative should we be aware of before joining the church? And, how many people leave the church when they find out these things and feel lied to or betrayed?
Not sure how to answer the question, but I remember THE DAY I found out the JS had more than one wife. Worse for me, was when I found out that many of them were young teenagers. That day was perhaps the start of my crisis of faith. I don’t blame anyone who leaves the church because of the history and doctrine. I understand. I have managed to stay LDS -not because of the history and doctrine – but in in spite of it. bridget_night wrote:…told them that as long as they brought people to Christ, by example or teaching, they will be successful. He told them to go by their intuition and the spirit rather than by the letter of the law mission rules. I thought he handled it very well…
How much of the bad or negative should we be aware of before joining the church? And, how many people leave the church when they find out these things and feel lied to or betrayed?
I’ve thought about this, in teaching my children – & it’s not easy trying to find the right compromise without upsetting my dh, who is very TBM. So far, I’ve tried to teach them what your friend taught – to go by the spirit of the law. I’ve told my kids that nobody, not even church leaders are perfect, but overrall, the church is good. I’m not sure how I’ll feel about them serving missions (in the future) but if they do, I’ll continue to stress this idea – & to let them know that showing love, (truly representing Christ as much as they can) is far more powerful than any preaching they’ll do.
cwald – you make a good point, about staying lds, despite church history. There are different factors that play into how we FEEL about the church…the history is only one of them…there’s also our own history with it (how it’s helped or hurt us) & what our ward experience is.
It seems like I always knew about polygamy, including Joseph’s participation (not teen brides). I fully expected to participate in it someday. I wonder what the age bracket is for those who never heard about it–it may depend on ward and area you live it, too. I’m sure I was exposed to it learning about church history in seminary. But it must have been floating around since I was never shocked or surprised. I read The Work and The Glory series as a young adult and most of it was not new to me (although some of the details were).
I don’t really know the depth of what should be taught before people join the church. I no longer think “joining a church” is all that important. I think if someone wants to perform a baptism ritual in the name of Christ they only need to have the desire. Being confirmed a member of a church or anything like that seems tribal and unnecessary to me in my current frame of mind. However, it seems unfair to ask someone to commit so much time and money to an organization that they don’t fully understand (and nobody ever will until it becomes transparent).
It is what it is.
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