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As I am sorting things out, one thing I haven’t yet resolved in my mind is the current LDS practice of the priesthood. I have yet to figure out how it fits into my personal cosmology. I do know that I find priesthood blessings to be awkward. So months ago, I was called to a calling, but not set apart, and yesterday the RSP, (who is also a good friend) was insistent that I get set apart. Since the member of the bishopric (thankfully NOT the bishop, we have other issues) and the RSP both decided this needed to happen, and my husband wasn’t helping me get out of it at all, there was no real way to avoid it unless I had said way more than I was comfortable sharing.
Intellectually I could say to myself; either this is meaningful or not; if so I should do it, if not it is harmless.
However, emotionally I just was torn apart. I surprised myself how emotionally opposed I was to this happening. I was a struggle to not just leave the room and hide somewhere. As it was, it was clear that I was unenthusiastic about the whole idea, and probably left people wondering why.
I don’t know what I’m looking for here, except to share the experience and for any thoughts about why this was so emotional for me.
BTW the contents of the blessing were mundane, blessing that I will find time for everything, to focus on my family, etc.
The whole setting apart thing seems to me unnecessary. I have found wards to be rather haphazard about this anyway. But, if you accept it is as a formal process for moving someone into a calling rather than a blessing perhaps you’d feel better. Or think of it as a way to acknowledge your service and thank you for it. It doesn’t have to have the formal appellation “blessing.” Maybe if you could reframe it as a best wishes on your calling or just a prayer for an added boost, it would be a little easier? That is what is strange to me, I went in trying to frame it in a way that it was harmless and well intentioned and I still had a deep visceral reaction against doing it. I wonder what would have happened if I had just put my foot down and politely refused.
rebeccad wrote:I wonder what would have happened if I had just put my foot down and politely refused.
That would be fun
I’m not sure what would happen. I’m pretty sure there are some passages in the D&C about setting people apart for callings in some vague way. But the fact that this practice is so loosely done bears the feeling it isn’t seen as really vital. I have a feeling it would become REALLY important once someone refused, lol.
Quote:I have a feeling it would become REALLY important once someone refused, lol.
I expect.
I wonder why it is the bishopric or RSP is insisting it be done. What’s their motivation? In fact, it might not be a bad idea to ask them why they think it is so critical, without making it sound like you flat out don’t want it. And see what their response is. In my experience, it is a checklist thing. Our ward recently split. We had to reorganize all quorums and auxiliaries. They are doing a massive effort to set everyone apart, and have the Exec Secretary track it all on a list, and keep reminding the bishopric of it. It has now become a To-Do thing for them (and don’t want to leave it undone), so if someone has not been set apart, they feel they need to get that done or they don’t feel like they are doing their job. Some people who do not get set apart criticize leadership and feel their calling is not important…so I think leadership is going to want to cover their tracks and make sure they get them done.
Other than that…if you aren’t asking for it…I don’t know why they are insisting on it. It would be interesting to hear their response if you asked them.
In a way, I view it as a way that you can sustain them as leaders by allowing them to do it…even if it is “no biggie” to you. It can become an issue similar to wearing a white shirt for priesthood holders.
Is there a specific reason you
shouldn’tget set apart, when that is the known and established procedure? If not, roll with it…which it sounds like you did, and the blessing was less than spectacular…which, again, just makes it a check in the box, and everyone moves on. Look at it as something THEY need, and that you are undergoing the process for them. They believe you will have blessings to do your work better with the setting apart. So, go along with it so they can feel good about what they have done. I am in a similar position. Some time ago I accepted a calling as a priesthood teacher, and was told I would be set apart the next week. Well, they never did it. I’m not sure why as I still teach in the calling regularly. They might have forgotten, or they might not have liked the fact that I was firm that when I wanted to be released it would happen in a specific time frame I controlled — and not then. They agreed.
However in spite of all the people necessary to do the setting apart on multiple occasions, they still have not set me apart.
My attitude — i’m not concerned about it at all. You might adopt a similar stance about whether it happens (as it did) or it doesn’t happen. Look at it as a brief moment in time that you went along with to help others feel good about their own callings, and putting you in the position…
That is the weird thing; mentally, no biggie, emotionally, it was quite unpleasant. Maybe I was emotional about it because I felt like I was being forced to?
Now I am wondering how long I can go without ever having a similar style of ordinance; men gathered around with hands on my head.
I think if I am careful, a long time.
I’ve always wanted to be able to use the priesthood the way that Luke Skywalker uses The Force or the way that Harry Potter uses magic: I want to be able to work some supernatural miracle in the world on my command. But it doesn’t work that way. rebeccad, is your concern about whether or not the priesthood represents a real power?
fwiw, rebecca, I think you have a right to feel the way you do. I was just offering some ideas on how you might deal with it…but I’m not sure any of those ideas help you feel any different. Do you think it was some kind of claustrophobic reaction to having the men gathered around you like that? Maybe it’s a sensory issue. afterall wrote:Do you think it was some kind of claustrophobic reaction to having the men gathered around you like that? Maybe it’s a sensory issue.
I’ve seen that before. With regaurd to this situation. Personal space varies widely between people, even between some certain people or sexes or individuals. Rebeccad, I hope it gets better for you. I hope your able to work through what is best for you. In my experience though, running from situations that are unpleasant only catches up to you later.
If it is an uncomfortable thing to be surrounded by a group of people / men, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell your Bishop that you have anxiety attacks or feelings of severe claustrophobia in situations like traditional Priesthood circles. I then would say, immediately, something like: Quote:“I want to serve, so can you and one more person do the setting apart – with both of you standing behind me?”
Also, try to remember that they simply are trying to show real support and love, far more often than not. That doesn’t mean you have to play by their rules in this situation, but it will help you keep it from being personal and allow you to see it charitably and with gratitude.
afterall wrote:Do you think it was some kind of claustrophobic reaction to having the men gathered around you like that? Maybe it’s a sensory issue.
It could be that, or it could be a reaction to your thoughts about how men have to do it and not women, and it bugs you, and then they get close, and it sets off the reaction.I like Ray’s idea. Mention it and ask if only 2 stand behind you so you don’t have anything blocking your view (and you have a clear path to run for the door if you need the quick escape
😈 …just kidding!)
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