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Do you think it was some kind of claustrophobic reaction to having the men gathered around you like that?
That is a good point, it may have been. I never close my eyes during prayers because that bothers me. (I love how doing so is so personal, no one can ask me about it unless they don’t do it either, in which case…)
So during the whole prayer I see that I am surrounded by a group of men and since I’m sitting, it is from a very awkward perspective.
Do you think this posture is meant to be humbling? Because sitting there surrounded by men who are trying to be gentle, but still put a decent amount of weight on my head gives me a feeling of powerlessness, not humility. I do think that it is the feeling of being surrounded and having to trust in the good will of the people surrounding me that made me feel that way. Especially since they were already making me do something I didn’t want to do.
Next time, I will request that it be kept to a couple of people who stand behind me, that is a great idea.
I have found it interesting sometimes to see the circle or get large, sometimes with so many people the have to stand sideways and reach one hand in. I usually see that as a way to allow close friends or relatives to participate, a ritual thing that can bring people closer through involvement and shared experiences. I am not sure if it was meant to be humbling. Good question, kind of like a knight being knighted before the queen or something humble to those in authority. I hadn’t thought of that before.
But I do like the way the church gets people involved and allows people to stand in the circle to have the shared experience. But they should be asking you who you want, not assuming you are ok with a large circle.
asfterall, here is a post from five years ago on By Common Consent that provides a different persepctive on blessings and circles. I was floored by it when I read it at the time it was written. I’m not sharing it for any reason other than to try to share what I thought was a powerful way to look at them. I hope it helps in some way – not to change my advice in any way, but just to give a different frame for the issue: “To the Pastor” (
http://bycommonconsent.com/2007/05/03/to-the-pastor/ )
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