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StayLDSers, I would love some input. I’ve been reading up on Fowler’s Stages of Faith and it has been very enlightening. I think it’s always nice to read things that help me understand what I’m going through, I guess it makes me feel less like an anomaly. Based on the descriptions of the Stages of Faith, I think it’s pretty safe to say that I’ve landed in Stage 4. I’ve enjoyed the empowerment and introspection, but sadly, I’ve become cynical…extremely cynical and critical about many cultural nuances and doctrines of the church. There are times when I literally nauseate myself with the thoughts that go through my head. I feel like I’m playing Candyland and I’m stuck in molasses. As such, does anyone have advice/tips on things you did to advance from stage 4 to stage 5?
I recognize that there’s not going to be a magical solution and that some of this will probably boil down to time and life experiences, but I’d still appreciate any thoughts you all might have.
I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!
You are right, it takes time. But my advice is to read good things. Writings of the Dalai Lama are at the top of the list of recommendations. I also recommend going back to church and looking at who you can serve and talk to and get involved in good things. It’s hard to leave stage 4 without reconnecting to others outside yourself.
To add to what Heber said, don’t wallow in negativity. “Sufficient unto the morrow is the evil thereof.” Therefore, do as much as you can to balance things by finding uplifting reading, research, study, etc. as possible. Most of all, don’t forget the positive things about the Church and the Gospel it teaches. There are lots of them, and figuring out your own faith doesn’t mean all of them now are wrong or bad in any way.
I think the value of StayLDS is in its tendency to let the “fatigue method” wear away at the cynicism. The fatigue method is a technique from psychology where people see a reduction in habits they would like to change, because they get sick and tired of the habit. That is what happened to me here at StayLDS. I realized everyone got sick of hearing me rehash the same stories and concerns and negativity about the church over and over again. In fact, I got sick of hearing myself do it. So THAT is what encouraged me to move on.
That took some time, as my patient friends here will know. But I don’t rehash as much anymore.
Also, as I keep saying, I have found new pastures in which to grow and progress — in a non-profit in the community. I find that replacing the church with other worthwhile activities helps, while still maintaining some level of connectedness also helps you stop embroiling cynical thoughts.
Also, temper those thoughts with tolerance. There are a lot of people who love the church. Let them enjoy themselves, support them, and realize that everyone goes through phases. Some of the active people spouting off harmful cultural values will likely not be active at some point in their mortal life, and may even leave the church. And the people who are negative and uncommitted may well be active at some point the future. Realize its a revolving wheel of actors.
This helps me feel less frustration and negativity.
And bring a good book on your hand held device to church. Three hours a week to devote to reading in companionable solitude is a goldmine that compensates for the time invested in driving to church
I recommend reading Eckhart Tolle also. It will help you transcend some of the negativity. I should have mentioned Tolle. I loved his stuff and it was liberating for me. I love how he makes it seem we all write our stories, and that seemed to help me allow myself to reconstruct a view without so much negativity. Good call on that recommendation, HG! Heber13 wrote:You are right, it takes time. But my advice is to read good things. Writings of the Dalai Lama are at the top of the list of recommendations. I also recommend going back to church and looking at who you can serve and talk to and get involved in good things.
It’s hard to leave stage 4 without reconnecting to others outside yourself.
Heber – My husband was suggesting that I read this as well. It must be a sign! Thank you for your thoughts!
Old-Timer wrote:To add to what Heber said, don’t wallow in negativity. “Sufficient unto the morrow is the evil thereof.” Therefore, do as much as you can to balance things by finding uplifting reading, research, study, etc. as possible.
Most of all, don’t forget the positive things about the Church and the Gospel it teaches. There are lots of them, and figuring out your own faith doesn’t mean all of them now are wrong or bad in any way.
Ray, I sure appreciate your thoughts. Even though it’s more work, I truly can see the good about the church when I try. This is a great reminder. Thank you!
SilentDawning wrote:I think the value of StayLDS is in its tendency to let the “fatigue method” wear away at the cynicism. The fatigue method is a technique from psychology where people see a reduction in habits they would like to change, because they get sick and tired of the habit.
That is what happened to me here at StayLDS. I realized everyone got sick of hearing me rehash the same stories and concerns and negativity about the church over and over again. In fact, I got sick of hearing myself do it. So THAT is what encouraged me to move on.
That took some time, as my patient friends here will know. But I don’t rehash as much anymore.
Also, as I keep saying, I have found new pastures in which to grow and progress — in a non-profit in the community. I find that replacing the church with other worthwhile activities helps, while still maintaining some level of connectedness also helps you stop embroiling cynical thoughts.
Also, temper those thoughts with tolerance. There are a lot of people who love the church. Let them enjoy themselves, support them, and realize that everyone goes through phases. Some of the active people spouting off harmful cultural values will likely not be active at some point in their mortal life, and may even leave the church. And the people who are negative and uncommitted may well be active at some point the future. Realize its a revolving wheel of actors.
This helps me feel less frustration and negativity.
And bring a good book on your hand held device to church. Three hours a week to devote to reading in companionable solitude is a goldmine that compensates for the time invested in driving to church
SD, I really enjoyed reading your comment. I think I’m already getting the fatigue. I’ve been feeling this way for about a year.
I still view people who love the church with a mix of envy, criticism, and wonder. Luckily, I’ve never wanted to take away their happiness. I do like the thought of focusing on how the gospel makes them happy.
I’ve been reading books at church for months!
I recommend reading Eckhart Tolle also. It will help you transcend some of the negativity.
Sounds great! Thanks for the recommendation, Hawkgrrrl! By the way, I loved your article on BCC. You really had me considering things I hadn’t considered before.
Heber13 wrote:I should have mentioned Tolle. I loved his stuff and it was liberating for me. I love how he makes it seem we all write our stories, and that seemed to help me allow myself to reconstruct a view without so much negativity. Good call on that recommendation, HG!
With two votes for Tolle, I’ll definitely be adding him (her?) to my reading queue! Thank you!
Hi, MissEyre – Casting another vote for reading, and thinking you might like this quote from the preface to the second or third (?) edition of Jane Eyre: Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last. To pluck the mask from the face of the Pharisee, is not to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns.She was responding to criticism, so is being somewhat contentious herself – something StayLDS discourages – but I thought this was a liberating idea.
MissEyre wrote:I’ve been reading books at church for months!
Well, if you do try the earplugs, let us know how it goes.
😆 I bring a journal sometimes and write. Sometimes that makes it easier to tune out, than when I’m reading. Of course, sometimes the temptation is to start journaling about why I disagree with what the speaker/teacher is saying. Possibly not so healthy!
Reading “The God Who Weeps” really helped me to fall back in love with “big picture Mormonism” again. The fluff around the edges still irritates me. Kevin Christensen has written for fair/mormoninterpreter.com/blogged a bit goes on message boards. He’s really helped me come to terms with the limitations of human influence on the way church works.
One of my “to-dos” is to compile a consolidated list of his posts somewhere.
mackay11 wrote:Reading “The God Who Weeps” really helped me to fall back in love with “big picture Mormonism” again.
+1
I’ll second this! I loved “The God Who Weeps” and recommend it to all of my more orthodox Mormon friends.
I don’t have anything more to add than what has been said. Stay positive and continue on! And welcome!
:wave:
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