Super nervous

[Anonymous]

So I am moving in a week back to my home and native land. I am freaking out a little bit about what that will mean for me in regards to the church. Especially since I have lived here on the east coast of the states and now moving to the Mormon corridor of canada. My leaders out here have known of my FC since it began 9 months ago and have been very supportive. As have my friends. Now I am going back to a ward I was a part of before my FC and have no idea how to transition. DH has been trying to help me come up with a good dialogue as to why I need a little break from callings, but I just don’t want to be out in the open. It’s scary with it being such a large area of Mormons and more people who will notice my change. Also, everyone out there knows about 2 of my family members who have left the church completely, but since I have been away, I have been able to avoid any speculation.

Question: Should I wait and see what my calling will be before I say no? Cause I would probably teach junior primary, or be in the nursery. OR, should I be up front from the beginning?

I am at the point that I don’t really believe in the church, but I have a strong belief in Christ. I think I have become a bit more evangelical in my beliefs, but am still going to attend church for my family.

I think my biggest worry is that I don’t want to ruffle feathers, but I am so tired of feeling like I am living in hiding and fear. So second question: How can I move back to my hometown, be authentically me, but not be judged for that? I really don’t want to be one person at church and another outside. I hate hypocrisy.

HELP!!! I’m seriously having panic attacks and can’t sleep.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Anonymous]

Your question is:

Quote:

Question: Should I wait and see what my calling will be before I say no? Cause I would probably teach junior primary, or be in the nursery. OR, should I be up front from the beginning? I am at the point that I don’t really believe in the church, but I have a strong belief in Christ.

I believe there is a calling for all of us at church. Some are better than others depending where our beliefs are. My DW is in the nursery & loves it. She has always been a teacher & loves the younger children. When they come to sacrament meeting, all the little ones come up & greet us before the adults do. It’s a great way to start a Sacrament meeting.

I am a Family History Coordinator. Most of what I do is on my own terms. I work at home. Sometimes people will ask me questions (of a technical nature). I don’t get into doctrine or teach scriptural type lessons.

Try to remember. You are the one in control. You can say yes or no at anytime. Or, I need to think it over. This is an organization of volunteers. Try to relax. Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

I agree with MM – there certainly are callings that require little in the way of church/church teaching commitments. In my mind nursery is one of them. Family history is another, and there are things like doing the bulletin or being the cleaning coordinator. Even assistant clerks (I know you can’t do that) and RS/Primary secretary don’t require real commitment to church teachings. As to waiting to see what happens, that could go either way – you could feel the bishop is super inspired and God has answered your prayers or it could be the bad, judgmental experience you fear. Were it me, I would meet with the bishop after arriving and vaguely express the idea that I am struggling and stressed (moving is stressful) and ask for a “lighter” calling – and give some suggestions of what I might be willing to do. Some bishops sincerely appreciate that kind of offering because it makes less work for them.

On the other hand, were it me, I’d stay away from the Corridor. I rather like it here in the northeast.

[Anonymous]

slowlylosingit wrote:

Question: Should I wait and see what my calling will be before I say no? Cause I would probably teach junior primary, or be in the nursery. OR, should I be up front from the beginning?

…

I think my biggest worry is that I don’t want to ruffle feathers, but I am so tired of feeling like I am living in hiding and fear. So second question: How can I move back to my hometown, be authentically me, but not be judged for that?

I’ve just moved…and going through some similar thoughts about what I do and how I act to a new ward family and leaders.

My personality is to be helpful and I can make a good first impression, but am not sure I’m ready to jump in full speed ahead ready for callings with all the recent changes in my life.

So…in my situation, I am trying to be authentic of who I am and what I need in my life with my family first and foremost. Some of that requires sacrifice and I think it is good to stretch myself a bit doing good things in church that help my family. If that creates an inner struggle with my wandering thoughts or beliefs…I try to manage it carefully while still realizing that serving and being at church with my family does have value and worth it even if uncomfortable at times for me. In other words, if it is good for my kids…it is worth it. And my thoughts and beliefs ebb and flow at times while on my journey.

Having said that, I won’t fake it. So…honestly, if they ask me to be in scouts one more time…I just can’t do that now. I can’t. And I’ll try to give them reasons it is not good for me right now. If they put me on a problem list and think I need fellowship or to be a project, well…I can’t control what they do or how they react to me. But I can’t be paranoid about it and go around wondering what everyone thinks of me…frankly, I don’t care enough about that.

So it is a balancing act. I am willing to serve, but responsibly for what is good for my soul, and good for my family…which includes me sacrificing and taking on uncomfortable (but manageable) assignments when I can.

My advice to you…just try to ask yourself if you really do find some value in participating in some way. If there is zero value…I’d just take a break from it from the beginning and the new leaders will know where you stand. If there is some value you can see…then set your boundaries before you walk into a meeting with a bishopric member where they’ll extend a calling, knowing ahead of time where your boundaries are for time of commitment, days (during the week or on Sunday only), and areas you can serve that won’t cause you angst and stress in your life. Then you will know how to react if they offer callings. Some people say “You should never say no to a calling.” That’s great for them. That doesn’t work for me right now in my life.

The church is there for you and your family, to support you! Do not let that get twisted to an obligation you need to be there for the church. The new ward you move to will be fine with our without you being in a calling. It is more about if your family needs you and if you need to stretch yourself to be in a calling that should determine how you present yourself to the new ward family.

[Anonymous]

This is just all so new to me. I have always been a yes person. Never in my life have I ever even considered saying no. I hate confrontation for one, which can get me in trouble, but I avoid like the plague just to not have to be confronted with anything. Haha.

I have to admit, the only reason I am at church right now is because of DH and the kids. I don’t want to spend Sunday away from my family. That’s what Sunday is for. I do love to serve in the church, but after teaching seminary, church history, this last year during my FC, I am super terrified to end up having to do that again. I LOVED those kids but I had to tweak lessons and that was really hard on me mentally. Youth callings are absolutely where I belong, but I don’t like making parents uncomfortable.

Dark Jedi-you have no idea how sad I am to leave this place. It was where I needed to be to go through this time in my life. Such an understanding area when it comes to faith!! Way less black and white thinking out here.

Will a bishop understand me saying no callings for now? I hate being a project, that’s just a lot of uncomfortable confrontation!!!! Thanks guys, I am sure staylds will be my home for a long time to come!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Anonymous]

These are questions that you ultimately have to answer for yourself, so I can’t give you advice, only my thoughts about how I have handled this type of thing.

First, there is no right, or even good answer. Every option has pros and cons, and in real ways the cons probably all outweigh the pros. I think it’s useful to recognize that so that you don’t become paralyzed with indecision. Rather than picking the best pros and the least bad cons, pick what makes the most sense to you and then live with it.

For me, I let my bishop know very early on, while my faith crisis was in full-swing. From then on, every calling was a matter of consideration with that in mind; both from my view and from theirs, and I found that to be very positive. The counter to all this is that I couldn’t have a temple recommend and had some restrictions on priesthood ordinances. I feel this is a balance that has worked for me; allowing me to be authentic.

Only speaking for myself, I have found that the more open I am the more at-peace I feel, the more ownership I feel of my own spirituality, and the less I am concerned about what others think about me.

[Anonymous]

You said:

Quote:

Will a bishop understand me saying no callings for now? I hate being a project, that’s just a lot of uncomfortable confrontation!!!!

We recently had a lesson in the HP quorum about this topic. This was my question. Overwhelmingly the answer was yes. The person presenting the lesson is our new Bishop & agreed with the answer. There maybe some who will not understand. That is their problem, not yours.

The “good” ones will always understand.

[Anonymous]

slowlylosingit wrote:

So I am I am at the point that I don’t really believe in the church, but I have a strong belief in Christ.

I can definitely understand your nervousness. Maybe having us to return and report to will make it a little easier for you.

I think it would be interesting to use the move as a chance to experiment. How far can you get with a strong belief in Christ? By “far” I mean at peace, serviceable, connected and bonded to others, comfortable in your own skin.

Not a few people end up on the other end of a faith crisis with no belief in God or Christ. (For non-Mormons, that’s almost the complete definition of a faith crisis.) Sometimes I wonder if I could reach that conclusion myself. For now, I take a lot of comfort and strength from my belief. You could look at this as a glass half-full moment. You’re returning changed, but not completely.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

slowlylosingit wrote:

This is just all so new to me. I have always been a yes person. Never in my life have I ever even considered saying no. I hate confrontation for one, which can get me in trouble, but I avoid like the plague just to not have to be confronted with anything. Haha.

Dr Suess says about Green Eggs and Ham…”You do not like them. So you say. Try it, try it and you may. Try it and you may, I say.”

Saying no may not be as big of a deal as you fear or are putting pressure on yourself about. In fact, you may find you like it and it may very well be the kind of nourishment your spirit needs right now.

Quote:

Will a bishop understand me saying no callings for now? I hate being a project, that’s just a lot of uncomfortable confrontation!!!!

I was in a bishopric, people said no more often than I realized. And it was OK. As a bishopric member, I learned that people have circumstances, and part of the process of revelation for callings is asking a person and learning from their reaction what the Lord’s will was. (OK…now I look back and think how funny it was how we tried to make everything fit into our notion of God’s will in all things. But it was how I viewed it). My point…they won’t freak out. At least…a good leader won’t. They just accept people have different circumstances and try to not burden families. They really do try to avoid that.

Quote:

I have to admit, the only reason I am at church right now is because of DH and the kids. I don’t want to spend Sunday away from my family. That’s what Sunday is for.

Don’t talk yourself out of those feelings. Those are very, very important and valid reasons to spend Sundays with the family. Those are excellent reasons to StayLDS.

Just remember: “Misery is optional”. Don’t sign up for things at church that you know will be awful for you to go and do. If it makes you miserable, make choices to reduce the suffering, and increase the value of being with your family as best you can.

Perhaps your family is willing to support you, and if you want to take them on a picnic some Sunday instead of church, they can give in and be willing to go do something you want on that day. Being together is important.

Quote:

Thanks guys, I am sure staylds will be my home for a long time to come!!

We’re here for ya! :thumbup:

You’re doing great! Keep it up. And let us know how you work through it.

[Author]

Posts