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Hi! So due to some very recent emotional turmoil, combined with a year long faith crisis and depression, I am considering taking an indefinite leave from Church. I still yearn for a sense of spirituality, and can identify with many tenets of Mormon theology, it’s just there are many things I do not like within the institutional Church. I feel like I am overly preoccupied with religion and questions associated with it (to the point where it’s contributing to my depression), and I am wondering if going inactive might clear my head a bit and evaluate this more reasonably. Maybe I’ll return to the church with a newfound faith. Or maybe I won’t. Has taking a break from attending services and following all the rules helped anyone? Have you found new avenues of spirituality, or rediscover old ones? Any experiences and/or advice would be welcomed.
My experience will not directly apply to your question about “taking a break from attending services and following all the rules” because I have always attended, and I have never changed my lifestyle. However, I did take a “mental” break for several months. I did reach a point where I felt a need to resign from my calling and HTing, I attended with my family but often found other places to be during class lessons. For me it gave me necessary mental space – similar to clearing the ground before starting to build a new structure from scratch.
Everyone is different, the key is to discover and do what will help you move forward in positive directions.
vickzorz wrote:Hi! So due to some very recent emotional turmoil, combined with a year long faith crisis and depression,
I am considering taking an indefinite leave from Church.I still yearn for a sense of spirituality, and can identify with many tenets of Mormon theology, it’s just there are many things I do not like within the institutional Church. I feel like I am overly preoccupied with religion and questions associated with it (to the point where it’s contributing to my depression), and I am wondering if going inactive might clear my head a bit and evaluate this more reasonably. Maybe I’ll return to the church with a newfound faith. Or maybe I won’t… Has taking a break from attending services and following all the rules helped anyone?…Any experiences and/or advice would be welcomed.I definitely felt much better after I became completely inactive when I went to college after my mission even though I still believed in the Church at that point because all the guilt-trips, home teaching visits, giving talks in church, interviews, attending meetings, etc. mostly seemed like an additional unnecessary hassle and pain that ruined much of the limited free time I had left when I was already spending so much time studying. My wife and I were both inactive when we got married but later she started pressuring me about getting married in the temple so I returned for a while and that’s one of the main things that led to my faith crisis because after I was already used to being inactive it seemed so demanding that I started to wonder if I could really justify everything the Church was asking for and especially paying tithing again.
Not only did I have concerns about doubts whether some of this was actually true but I was also worried that even if it was true that I could easily end up falling short of the Celestial Kingdom anyway and whatever effort I made would be a waste (
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2921 I’m thinking of doing that lately. If you have sexual addiction that you’ve relapsed so many times with like I had and also OCD and Autism like I’ve had growing up way before sexual addiction even got started. I still love the people of the church and it’s teaching, but too often there is too much pressure to conform. Autism can play intense games with addictive tendencies from OCD. I hope you can get a good handle on all of this – and you have to do whatever you have to do to get there.
Thanks for your responses. I like the idea of taking a mental break, especially since I do enjoy the social aspect at church, some of my dearest friends are there. I will be moving back to my home country in a couple months, so perhaps when I return I just won’t transfer my records to the new ward, and just wait it out a bit. DA, I agree that the expectation checklist can be overwhelming. I don’t follow the “minor” rules anymore (ex. extra piercings, modesty, swearing, drinking), and it amazed me how guilty I felt at first, since I’ve been raised to think that doing these things would put my soul in peril. A lot of my frustration is how the church focuses on external, superficial markers of “righteousness”, so I’m hoping with this time off I can find other spiritual avenues— maybe I will try meditation again.
IloveChrist77, I hope it all works out, I can only imagine that autism and OCD would make the culture even harder to handle.
I think you need to find peace through balance in your life. I have tried to avoid taking breaks just to be lazy. But I did get to the point I was so uptight and sensitive about things that I finally wanted to try taking a break to see if I liked it or not, because I was out of balance.
I found I couldn’t stay away for long. I tried to replace it with other uplifting things. I even went on a church walk-a-bout where I visited several other churches. It gave me an interesting perspective.
I don’t know that I recommend to anyone to leave the church because I think it is about the best thing I have found for helping me learn things in life. I don’t know what is better.
But I do think there is a place for taking a break to clear your head if you are open to the spirit in guiding you, even possibly guiding you back again. It worked for me and I’ve returned to full activity afterwards and enjoy church and my associations there. I just want balance.
I’m at the point where I kind of wish I could take a break for a while. I just don’t feel it would be a good idea because I know it would cause tension in my marriage and family. I have begun to be a bit more loose in some of those outward markers you mentioned. On general conference Sunday, we decided that our family would be better strengthened by visiting a near by national park and exploring nature together than by sitting in front of the television for four hours during which the kids get restless and my husband always falls asleep. We did the same thing in lieu of attending stake conference as well. These family outings were a wonderful way for us to reconnect and we even talked about spiritual things. My mother and in-laws were a bit shocked that we weren’t glued to the television hanging on every word spoken from the pulpit that weekend, but I’m confident that it was a better way for us to spend our time. Besides, then we could go back and watch or read over those talks that we felt might actually offer us something of value. I think giving yourself a break could be a wonderful way to explore a deeper spirituality than you may currently be experiencing at your Sunday meetings. Good luck with whatever you choose. We all have to find our own way.
It’s always been positive for me to take a break from Church — but only when I was not in a hefty leadership calling. However, if you want full activity again, you have to move to a new Stake where you can get a fresh start. People remember your inactivity and it hurts your reputation in the church if you stay in the boundaries. I wish sometimes I was in the position to try this, part of the joy of finding this site was finding strategies to get by because I can’t. For now I’ve decided to ditch the suit and sit out of Sunday school and priesthood periodically. It seems to help a bit on bad days. If you have the means to try without hurting anyone I’d say experiment and see if a week or two off help now and then. It’s all about judging the fruits sometimes I think. Sent from my EVO using Tapatalk 2
I won’t lie, during the Football season I miss church 35 percent of the time. The only side effect of missing church is that I watch more Football. I have yet to decide if my FC is responsible for my spotty attendance this year or the 9am start time is… 9am years I’ve always taken a bit of a break haha.
Aside from that I think there’s value in pulling back from the stressful situation, evaluating it from the outside and then choosing if, when, and how to reassociate with it. I’m there right now trying to figure out when and how.
I would like to take a break too. I know it would cause too much conflict in my family though, so I’ve got to stick it out somehow. But the other day I had the thought that it would be good to stop going to church, to take a break from callings, reading the scriptures and anything to do with the church, and just see where God would lead me personally. Maybe it would be right back to the church, but I wanted that experience, kind of like how it is for a convert. I thought something like that would probably help me really see what I believe without someone constantly telling me what to believe like I get through church. I think journey girl and sirbikesalot make a really really good point…it is not a decision made in a vacuum. If it strains relationships or there are complications with kids, those would over ride a selfish need I have to take a break, up to a point. I did take a break and my kids were more than happy to stay home. I took them to the mountains, took bike rides, and did activities with them in nature…and to this day they remember those Sundays as good memories. I reiterated to them how important my faith is and my love for God. And that I love them. I avoided sharing frustrations and questions about the religion, but asked them their thoughts and we have had some great discussions.
Then we went back to church and they wanted to keep skipping and I told them no. I want them to have the experience of being involved in the youth and primary programs. But I also gave them a perspective that church isn’t necessary to feel close to God.
That has just been my experience.
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