Taking a Real Break (a sub-thread to Roadrunner’s Post)

[Anonymous]

I was taking a moment to respond to Roadrunner’s thread about the First Presidency’s Statement in response to the SCOTUS ruling on same-sex marriage, and found that my reply would probably be more of a thread de-railer and not much of a help. That’s why I wanted to post this.

My reaction is not much about the letter itself. The content of the letter isn’t that surprising (with the exception that they’ve clearly up’ed the “We’re NEVER going to change this doctrine” rhetoric, which I suspect is a defensive response to those who compare this struggle with the Church’s former Priesthood Ban for Black males). I’ve decided I need to take a break. A real break. I’m already not going to church. But I think I need to cut myself off from Mormondom for as much as I can for a while, including this site. However, before I leave, I wanted to kind of vent what in that information set me off so badly. Here is what I wrote, where I quote Roadrunner’s copy of the background information accompanying the Church’s Official Statement:

Roadrunner wrote:

For much of human history, civil laws have generally been compatible with God’s laws.

And that was my tipping point. It’s sad that someone so minor such as this can set me off. Maybe it’s the last straw. The pure ignorance of this statement…I can’t. Really…it’s unfathomable for me. I get how some people are so ignorant as to believe this, and at the same time, it flat out disgusts me. And this statement, ladies and gentlemen, strikes at the heart of most of my problems with the Church. This is so blatantly wrong :sick: . It makes me sick. And is this the perspective the Church is operating from? It’s so misguided and ignorant of the sufferings of the past. I find it deeply offensive.

Roadrunner wrote:

Unfortunately, there have been notable exceptions to that pattern. For example, it is legal in the United States to perform an abortion on an unborn fetus. However, this practice is not morally acceptable before God. (See Handbook 1: Stake Presidents and Bishops [2010], 17.3).

Originally, I was reading the information along fine until I got to this part. I quite literally exclaimed, “What?!” while reading this. Then I reread and got angrier.

I was under the impression that the Church has exceptions to this “moral law” of anti-abortion, such as cases of incest, rape, when the fetus is a danger to the life of the mother, and even if it is determined by a medical expert that the fetus has severe birth defects that will make it unable to survive beyond birth. But I guess now I understand where the Church really stands 🙄 . Irony is I don’t support abortion. But at what point does an unborn fetus’ life matter more than the mother’s? You know, a living human being?

Today is a bad day. The Church is responding to a big defeat. They are defensive. I get it. But today has instilled something in me that I haven’t felt for a long time. I don’t want to believe that this Church speaks for God. I don’t like this God. This God cares more about same-sex marriage than he does about huge issues like domestic violence, sex trafficking, and all forms of abuse. This God is loaded with privilege. And right now, I don’t want to be around to see it. Considering that this God used to be my main source of comfort and strength, this is salt in a wound.

I feel like I just read a press release from Fox News. It’s moments like this where I think liberal Mormons or unorthodox Mormons are kidding themselves (I’m including myself into this group) by thinking they have a place in the Church. I’m not embraced. I’m tolerated. And now I’m thinking about the future. I suspect that Dallin H. Oaks has had a lot to do with this. He’s kind of been one of the leaders in this fight against gay marriage. I sometimes wonder if he watches Fox News. Is he going to be our next Prophet? I don’t know if I can stay in this Church if it’s fully under his leadership.

Additionally, I’ve become painfully aware of how I feel like that in order to stay in this church (without being subject to social ostracization or even church discipline), I need to hide and filter out some of the best aspects of myself. I feel like, for my personal faith journey, the situation has gotten very real.

Obviously, this whole thing has got me going and I’m spiraling and need to stop. So I’m going to try back out of my connections to Mormonism for the time being, as they sometimes trigger me, and that’s happening now. I’m going to take another break from Mormon social media, too. Don’t know how long it will be.

Thanks for all the support you’ve provided me and others.

[Anonymous]

I understand the emotion. The church is going to evolve because of who leaves and who stays. Since I hope my kids will stay, my selfish wish is that people like you stay, too. Just yesterday my daughter was saying that she feels all alone at church now, and how will she find friends and spouse, etc. in the church. I tried to be reassuring.

I’m glad you put this post back. “This is the place.” We can talk here.

[Anonymous]

University — It sounds like you are working from a place where the church is still a big part of your life. Have you tried keeping it in your life, while expanding other, fulfilling areas of your life? This minimizes contact hours with the church,without surgically removing it altogether.

For me, it’s not the center of the universe anymore. I filled up my life with other things, and put the Ward in a box. There are boundaries. I have answers when they come to me wanting me to take on callings, to be fully active. And they are gentle, but assertive answers.

My conscience is more important than the church teachings. I listen to what they say, but ultimately, what I think, after thinking and pondering – is what rules. At times, the church teachings have been wonderful, particularly for my daughter, at times, they are something to be shunned because they don’t fit my family or my life.

So, if you reclassify the church’s position in your life, does the angst fall apart? For me yes — I can be my authentic self in other contexts — NON-CHURCH contexts with which I have filled my life. And the good part is, I can leave the non-church contexts any time I want without any repercussions to my family or personal life (of note). The only repercussion is the loss of community when I do withdraw, and even then, the non-church communities to which I have belonged still stay in contact with me, and I am still friends with many of them.

So, I guess my question is — have you tried filling your life with other things? While keeping the church in a smaller, more controlled place — where you can still have friends and a relationship?

[Anonymous]

University – I have a Mom request, will you please pop in here and keep in touch. Even if the road leads you to places that are miles from LDS. We need young energy and insight. Walk safely. Take Care. We’ve all been there in one form or another. Thanks for telling us.

[Anonymous]

Taking breaks is a healthy thing to do (think of Sabbath day teachings). I think it shows maturity you can sense you need this now.

And, whether it is church or this support forum….we’ll be here when you feel the break is over and you are ready to re-engage in a healthy way for you.

God bless. I have learned lots from your posts. Hope to see you again.

[Anonymous]

University:

Everyone comes from a different background. They bring their background with them. Even here, we all have many differences.

My BYU grad DD had a friend who was raped. She was pregnant as a result. DD and another friend traveled from Provo to a location two states away to be with this girl while she went through an abortion. Planned Parenthood. The check that paid for it — from the church. An official LDS check made out to Planned Parenthood.

There is a time and a place for all things.

I used to lobby against abortion. I set up PSAs and fund raiser dinners to help raise money and awareness. Then I changed my mind. Abortion is a horrible form of birth control. I see it as morally wrong to use it as such. But, when I am dealing with a couple with an anacephalic baby at 6 months gestation, and they are at the hospital to induce an early labor, will I do the epidural? Knowing the baby will die. Yes. I will do anything I can do to ease that familiy’s pain and burden.

Every time I think I see a moral or ethical area with easy answers, I find it is because I don’t have enough experience to truly understand the problem.

None of us are going to come to the same conclusions. We don’t start with the same assumptions.

It’s all part of the journey.

Please come visit. (Often)

[Author]

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